the bus

Anxiety and panic are nothing new to me. I get completely anxious about exams, I get really panicky when it comes to meeting new people (even though I don't usually let it get in the way of meeting new people) I get nervous about giving speeches, and there are other things I could list... But today, today I experience one of the most panicky situations I've experienced in a long time... It's going to sound kind of silly now, but at the time, it seemed oh-so-real.

I was on my way to school this afternoon. The weather was pretty crappy as it has been the past couple of days - lots of rain, lots of gray. As I got closer to Milwaukee, I reached the section of I-94 where it begins to split off into all the other major freeways, typically a high traffic area. Today my side of the freeway was pretty clear, however, the other side was totally jammed. I was right by the Marquette exit, when I looked on the other side of the freeway and saw a bus pulled over on the side of the road with cop cars behind it and along side it. Now, normally a bus on the side of the road wouldn't bother me THAT much, but today, it freaked me out! As I passed the bus, I looked at the windows, and there stood all these little kids with their hands up on the glass. They had such worried little faces, and there were so many of them! All of a sudden, 8 million thoughts ran through my head - ridiculous thoughts - what if there's a hold up on the bus? What if there's a bomb on the bus? What if something is seriously wrong and all those little kids are in danger? My heart dropped for a moment... I never felt such a surge of urgency in my life. The odd thing is, it was probably just a flat tire, or an overheated/stalled engine, or something silly. The police officers didn't seem too concerned. There wasn't anything on the radio (trust me, I checked all the traffic stations). It didn't make the news tonight.

So what actually happened with that bus? Why did I get so panicky, flipping through every station possible to see if I could find out what happened? Did I really want to know what happened? How did my anxiety go from 0-90 in like 2.2 seconds? And where was my faith that God had it under control?

For some reason, the phrase, "Just trust in God." has almost sounded cliche to me lately. How bad is that? The being in whom I entrust my entire life with, I can't even say that I do or should trust him. But for some reason, when there's a tough situation, and someone says, "Just trust in God" it just sounds like we can just sit back and not do anything. That just because God is in control, we can sit passively by until he figures it out and lets us in on the plan. I don't know that I believe this to be true. Do I believe God is in control? Yes. But do I believe in the word "just"? No. Most definitely not.

I do not by any means have this mastered... heck no. Sometimes, I find myself going in the opposite direction. I am TOO proactive, and forget about who it is that's at work (or trying to be at work) in me... Sometimes I'm too prideful/selfish/blind to see that God's like, "Oh hey, remember me? The one who can give you strength? Wisdom? Guidance?" However, this phrase "Just trust in God". I hear it so much, that often times, it makes me cringe.

Anyway, I decided when I was about 5 minutes away from the bus that there was nothing I could do. Obviously, the police had it under control. It's not like I could just pull up and say to a cop, "Hello. I'm Tory Dolan. What seems to be the problem here?" I'm sure they had it under control. And I had to just let it go, or I would continue to be anxious the rest of the day. But for whatever reason it made me start thinking of this idea of letting go vs. passivity, and passivity vs. activism. Knowing when the situation is indeed completely out of your hands that really all you can do is trust in God, or whether it's a cop out... Pushing, fighting, figuring it out is too hard, and so you therefore JUST TRUST IN GOD, instead of coming along side God and working through it with his help, you know?

Those were just a few of the thoughts that formulated after the bus experience today. It kind of started me thinking about the idea of what is within my means to act on, and when I just need to relinquish it to God... Any thoughts out there on this? I don't think it's a cut and dry issue, but I'm just curious if you guys have ever felt that struggle between the two. When am I just giving up and not putting for the effort, and when is it that God is calling me to let go? Let me know if you have any thoughts. I'd be interested in hearing them.

raindance

Raindances are often needed, and most definitely welcomed. Typically, I'd be all over a raindance - playing in the rain is one of my favorite things to do! But during the storm we had a few days ago, I decided to capture some of the joy tha comes from raindances. The above picture is a picture of the fabulous Jo giggling as the rain started to come down harder. I love it when it rains...

(p.s. - you can see the rest of my "raindance" pictures and other fun & random pictures at the link that says "my pics")

delicate mix

I realize that I tend to write about music way more than I should... But what can I say? It's a huge part of my life. I will write a non-music related post after this one, but I wanted to post my current play list, as I'm pretty excited about it. It's got a lot of mellow music, a lot of piano, and some great vocals... So here it is folks...

The Delicate Mix

Hide and Seek - Imogen Heap
Drugs or Me (new mix) - Jimmy Eat World
Never Leave Alone Your Heart - Butterfly Boucher (thanks Sarah!)
How To Save A Life - The Fray (Thanks Kyle!)
Boston - Augustana
Honestly - Cary Brothers
Casimir Pulaski Day - Sufjan Stevens
Delicate - Damien Rice
Beautiful Man - Lori McKenna (Thanks Zach!)
Silent All These Years - Tori Amos
Chances - Athlete
Face Down - Katie Todd Band
Bedshaped - Keane
I Know You Are But What Am I? - Mogwai
Saeglópur - Sigur Ros

If you haven't heard the new Jimmy Eat World EP with the "Drugs or Me" new mix on there, check it out - it's an awesome EP. Boston by Augustana is becoming one of my favorite songs, and my friend Kyle introduced me to "The Fray" which I will have to check more in depth in the near future. But for now, this is what I'm listening to... and rather enjoying it.

3ps

My brother and sister-in-law were home the past couple of days. My dad had to go into the hospital and so they came home just to "check in" on things. However, the couple days they were here proved for some very interesting conversation about purgatory, personality, and passion.

Purgatory. I know, that sounds like a weird conversation topic given the fact that I'm Protestant. However, the conversation revolved the topic of the show Lost. I'm not sure how many of you watch Lost, but it is a new found favorite with the Illinois Dolans, and I'm a bit of a fan myself. I initially started watching it because of Dominic Monaghan (I know, I'm a geek - don't mock me). Initially, I was pretty turned off by the show - felt it was pretty cheesy. However, as the season went on, I slowly regained an intrigue, and started watching again. The season finale left me one frustrated girl. My brother and his wife watched the DVDs just recently, and are completely hooked. So, while they were home, we talked about the different theories that are floating about, and we landed upon the theory that the survivors on the island are actually in purgatory. We don't necessarily think this is the true theory, but we decided to discuss the possibilities of it. It lead for some VERY interesting conversation, only for us to ask "Wait, is that a part of purgatory?" quite often. I find it funny that a lot of our conversation revolved around Lost and this idea of purgatory... But we're hooked, that's for sure... Kelly even has the Lost sting (like, the sound bite thing at the beginning of the show when showing the title) on his iPod. (Don't worry Drew, I haven't crossed into "Lost is better than 24" land).

Personality. Lots of conversation about the enneagram test - a personality test to help understand what your own personality is, as well as how to interact with other personalities. Has anyone else out there taken it? My brother's friend John was the one who originally directed me towards the enneagram test in order to better figure out some relationship stuff, but now my brother and sister-in-law are quite into it, reading a lot, and trying to learn as much as possible about the interworkings of different personalities. I'm a 2, for those of you who care. If you read the description, it's pretty fitting.
I'm not going to put it all here, but one of the sites I went to where you can take a free test is www.9types.com. It's a little different than the book my sister-in-law has on it, but it's still pretty close.

Passions. My sister-in-law and I got into an interesting conversation about what the next year will hold for each of us. She's looking for a new field of work/new job, and I'm trying to figure out what I'm going to do once I graduate. I told her that I have been asked quite a bit lately "If you could do anything in the world you wanted - no limitations - what would it be?" Obviously, I really want to be a wife and mom. However, if we're talking career here, I told her (as well as all the other people who have asked me) that I would like to open a children's booksore. I told her I have NO IDEA how to go about doing that, but it incorporates SO many of my passions - kids, literature, art, etc. I have so may ideas of what it would be like, and what I would do with it - but no idea where to start. She and I had an awesome conversation about the steps necessary to get to where you want to go. Even though I have no further ideas as to how I'm going to get there, she made it sound so possible. So who knows... 5 years from now, I may be known as "Tory Dolan - Bookstore Owner", not just "Tory Dolan - Girl who blogs about how much she'd like to open a bookstore."

Anyway, those were some of my thoughts over the past couple of days. I've actually had a TON more - especially about my dad and hurricane Rita, however, they're not the most uplifting thoughts so I thought I'd spare you and write about three things that I find really interesting right now.

Sorry this isn't the most exciting or witty post... They can't all be winners though now, can they?
Rock on until later, my friends.

Bob Appreciation

I was sharing stories about one of my favorite Bobs. To the friend I was sharing with, I said, “Yeah, and he’s just one of a few really great Bobs.” She was unaware of just how many amazing Bobs there are in the world. I’m thinking maybe, just maybe, you have not thought of this either. If given time, you may be able to come up with a good list. But to help you with that process, and to spur you on towards your own “Bob Appreciation Day”, I will give you my list of “top Bobs”.



I will begin with one of my favorites – Bob Ross. He is the man who inspired this entire post (non-sense though it may be), and has inspired many across the globe to paint masterpieces. His painting skills are not limited to but strongly include mountains and trees. Mountains and trees. That is what I remember most about his paintings. Mountains and trees. And he had this sort of soothing voice as he instructed you how to paint mountains and trees. He made you feel like, you, yes you, could paint a masterpiece like his. I loved him. He was great. And that hair…



Speaking of hair, we’ll move on to our next Bob. Bobcat Goldthwait. My first knowledge of him was watching The Police Academy 2, which we had taped off TV and I watched it over and over and over again. As a small child, his voice and quirky mannerisms made me laugh. As a grown adult, it makes me uncomfortable. However, I have fond memories of watching Police Academy 2, and therefore, he made the list.



Bob Barker. I watched The Price is Right constantly as a kid. My friend Leah and I were bound and determined to get on that show as adults. Granted, Bob has kind of a sketchy real-life character, but the guy I knew when I was little watching that show – he was amazing. He’d give you stuff. A washer and dryer. A car. A trip to Italy. All you had to do was answer his question correctly, and YOU WIN! How easy could that be? Yet people seemed so confused, and lost a lot. But he had compassion for them, and sent them on to spin the wheel for a second chance. Bob Barker was a friend to all…



Speaking of friends to all – Bob Guiney. Now, you might all make fun of me for this one, but I have a soft spot in my heart for Bob Guiney. Yes, he pined for the Bachelorette. Yes, he kissed a boatload of girls when he became the Bachelor. No, neither of those situations worked out for him. And yes, he’s riding on the “reality show” success. But come on – that laugh? How can you not giggle when you hear him laugh? And he’s got a killer smile, you have to admit… Who knows, maybe I’m just a sucker for the curls and the dimples…



Bob Saget. I’m talking Danny Tanner style here folks – another show (Full House) that was on the TV a bit when I was little… a show my mother wishes never existed. Anyway, Bob Saget amazes me, really he does. Do I think he’s an amazing actor? Not particularily. But this man has had his hand in so many projects, has quite the list of accomplishments, and seems to show up in so many different places. Plus, the guy is still doing stand up comedy which the Olsen Twins frequent on a regular basis – that’s gotta say something, right?



Speaking of accomplishments… This guy takes the cake. Bob Dylan. I’m not even sure what I can say about Bob Dylan. I’ve never really gotten into his music, but that man is pretty stinkin’ talented. He is one of the great “Bobs” of all time, and definitely deserved to be on this list.



Bob the Builder. I couldn’t forget him. What an adorable cartoon! Um, that’s basically the only reason he made the list… And, well, he builds things. That’s a definite qualifier…



Last but definitely not least, Bob Sportsmonsfraggger. Who is Bob Sportsmonsfraggger, you ask? Well, even if you didn’t ask, I’m going to tell you. Bob is kind, has a passion for high school students, and even though he can be a tad creepy at times (ok, VERY creepy) he has a good heart and a good message. He brings us the truth of the Bible and encourages us in our walk with God by singing pop songs we all know and love, making it easier for us to know and understand the truths. Like, “Read My Bible One More Time” sung to Brittney Spears “Hit Me Baby One More Time”. He also tells us reasons to not have premarital sex. In the words of Bob, “I don’t want a baby, how ‘bout you? NO WAY!” A man who loves his mother, a man who survived malaria, and a man who can wear glasses without the lenses actually being in the frames – Bob is a true inspiration, and an example of how to live life. Thank you Bob, for everything you and everything you stand for (except your decisions regarding fashion).

There are many more “Bobs” that didn’t make this list, but are still important… I hope this has brought more Bobs to your attention on this here Bob Appreciation Day. So encourage your local Bob. (B. Sliw – I love you man – you rock, and I miss seeing you! I appreciate you on this Bob Appreciation Day). Rock on for the all Bobs we’ve come to know and love.

anticipation

I spent the day soaking in the sunshine and enjoying the crazy wind as it danced off Lake Michigan. The atmosphere was fantastic. Blue sky with killer clouds, wind that makes you shiver but allows you to vascillate between the warmth of the sun and it's own coldness, and people chillin' everywhere... It was one of the last days of summer, and people were soaking in every last bit of it.

As the summer draws to a close, I find myself in great anticipation of fall. I just finished reading the post of a good friend of mine, where she also describes the joys of fall. I adore fall... It is one of my favorite seasons. As much as I tend to curse the midwest, deeply desiring to live in a place with more consistent weather, the ocean, and well, let's just say it, NO SNOW, I must say that the season of fall is a definite perk to living in Wisconsin. And I believe part of my love for fall has to do with such great childhood memories.

I can remember going to Elegant Farmer as a kid, and picking apples with my mom and dad (that's me and my dad above). They had ladders and everything that you could climb, and for a 5 year old, the place looked HUGE, with orchards just waiting to be explored. After picking bags of fresh apples, you could then head to a little stand to create your own carmel apple, complete with whatever other toppings you'd like. A child's version of paradise! So great. There were also pumpkin patches, though I don't remember doing that much as a kid. Just great, great memories of cold days, colorful leaves, and apple picking.

Fall... What a great color on God's pallete...

people who blog

You can't see me. I'm doing the "Happy Happy Joy Joy" dance. Here's why...

When I first started blogging, there were few other people I knew who had one. My brother was the first one I knew to enter the world of blogging, and he's the one who got me hooked. I remember when he first started it, I was like, "GEEK! GEEK!" endlessly taunting him. I did. I thought it was geeky. However, the more I read his blog, the more I wanted one. When I decided to take a road trip out to California, I thought it'd be cool to keep a journal along the way. Keeping a journal was not a new discipline for me, and a road trip would definitely provide good material. But then I thought, hey, what if people could travel with me? What if I could write from the road what kinds of things I was doing, thinking about, and experiencing for anyone who wanted to read it. That's when I decided to start my blog... and the phenomenon has stuck.

Here I am, like, a year and a half later, still blogging. I'm not sure why I'm so addicted to the idea. I know that when I started to write for Relevant Magazine and it seemed more people were reading my blog, I got even more excited to write.

But I want to spend a minute on talking about OTHER people who blog. Like I said, when I first started this whole thing, my brother was pretty much the only person I knew who had one. Shortly thereafter, he had a few links to other people who had blogs. I spent much of my time reading my brother's blog, and his friend's blogs. No one in my sphere of friends had one, so I spent most of my time reading theirs. Slowly but surely, more and more of my friends got into the idea of having a blog. One by one, they started to leave behind the same train of thought that I had about it being geeky, and give into the idea that it is an awesome creative outlet.

All of that being said, I would just like to welcome all of my friends who have recently decided that blogging would be a cool thing to do. I would just like to say that I still think this whole thing is a stellar idea, even though there are still some kinks to be worked out. I would just like to say, I love reading what is going on in each one of your lives.

Can I get a WOOT for people who blog?

playlist

Ok folks... A while back, I had posted a project that I wanted to try. My goal was to get ONE song suggestion from anybody who ever reads this blog to add to a "bloggers" playlist. I got a pretty good response, and have a decent playlist. It is as follows:

Sparks - Royksopp (suggested by Dave)
8:16am - 311 - (suggested by Justin)
Fire in the Head - Tea Party (suggested by Chris)
When The Dawn Breaks - Narcotic Thrust (suggested by Coloratura)
In Red - Lovedrug - (suggested by Joel)
The Trapeze Swinger - Iron & Wine (suggested by Kristy)
Someday - Nicole Nordeman (suggested by Katy)
Transatlanticism - Death Cab for Cutie (suggested by Parke)
Superman - Five For Fighting (New Album version) (suggested by Tom)
Solar System - Vigilantes of Love (suggested by Kim)
Listening to Otis Redding at Home during Christmas - Okkervil River (suggested by Scott)
Good Times - Edie Brickell (suggested by Odis)

Now, if I've missed your song, please forgive me and feel free to repost it. I am still taking suggestions (from people who HAVEN'T posted a song yet... yes, that means you can't post another song, Chris...). As you can see, I have a pretty good start to a playlist, but could use a few more. SO YOU STILL HAVE A CHANCE! Hahaha...

Anyway, I'd like to thank those of you who DID contribute to this little project of mine. I rather enjoyed it, and I think I only know one song on the list. There's a wide variety of sounds listed here too... So thanks one and all for posting! I'll have to do another one sometime soon. Maybe a themed one or something.

Rock on my friends.

THWACIIW

(I think I'm addicted to using visual aids in my posts)

I love childrens books. It doesn't matter what age the book is for, if it's "young at heart" I love it! This may sound simplistic or adolescent, or whatever other big word you want to come up with for it... But I love them! As I've mentioned before, if I had the opportunity, skill, knowledge (and money) to open a children's bookstore, I'd be all over it! One of my favorites as I have mentioned before is "Click Clack Moo - Cows that Type". Others on the list include "The Day I Swapped My Dad For Two Goldfish" (the edition I have has amazing illustrations), and "The Voice". "James and the Giant Peach" - loved it. Chronicles of Narnia - currently making my way through them. Nancy Drew books - I'm collecting the new, old hardcover versions of them (they're new, but they're in the old school style).

However, this book - The House With A Clock In It's Wall - I had completely forgetten about until just recently. In fact, I can't even remember what made me think of it, to be honest with you. But it came to mind the other day, and I decided I had to hunt down a copy. I can remember reading it as a kid (I was probably 10 or 11) and I can even tell you to this day exactly where it was located in the library. I remember when I was little thinking the cover was SO creepy that it had to be a good book. I remember reading it over and over and over again. The funny thing is? I don't remember any of the story, except for the obvious fact that there is a house, with a clock in it's walls.

I tried to hunt down this exact version (as shown above), but alas, I've only found newly designed books. I did find one copy of the old one on ebay, but it wasn't really worth it to me to go through the hassle of getting this version of the book. I did however, find a "best of John Bellairs" book at B&N, and decided to pick it up. Now, if only I could find time among my 4 novel-focused classes to read it!

Anyway, just a little nostalgia for you all this evening... I watched "American Graffiti" as a form of nostalgia today in my pop culture studies class, and I guess the nostalgia stuck with me the rest of the day...

lament

Let us take a moment of silence in lament... Lament over the fact that Sigur Ros' show in Madison is sold out. SOLD OUT! They're all the way from Iceland - not too often that they're here - and the show is sold out! AH! I'm SO not a happy camper about this! I was totally stoked to get to see them (provided I actually find someone to go with). They would be such an amazing band to see live... I would imagine a very magical evening in which I slept very, very well afterwards (they're music tends to put me to sleep - but in a good way!) But alas, I will not get to witness the magic that is Sigur Ros. I will have to wait again until they make the journey from Iceland to the States. I know you can't see my face, but I am pouting a great deal.

Ah well... Such is life.

I did pick up their new album tonight (as show above), along with Athlete's newest album (finally!), and an album by Neutral Milk Hotel (thanks to Jeff for the suggestion!) There are so many albums out right now that I totally want to purchase! New Death Cab For Cutie (I can't believe I actually haven't picked that up yet!), new David Gray, the soundtrack for Elizabethtown (I'm so excited to see Eastmountainsouth getting some exposure), and 30 Seconds To Mars has a new album out (I'm not super excited about it, but I have their first one and I'd be interested in hearing the second one). There were other ones I coveted as well as I was scouring the shelves at The Exclusive Co. However, the buck's gotta stop somewhere... couldn't buy them all. Slowly, I'm sure I'll accumulate more music than necessary. What can I say, I'm a music nut...

Still lamenting my Sigur Ros misfortune...

thoughts

The past year has been an interesting rollercoaster of many emotions. Some of you know the story of the past year of my life, and all of it's intricate parts, and the ups and downs that go with it. Some of you don't. But no matter what the case, I've made a few observations that I'd like to share with you. These are not exclusive to my own journey as I'm sure quite a few of you have experienced this as well, and these are definitely not NEW observations - a lot of these are basic "duhs" of life, yet so easily forgotten.

1.) Anger is easier than grace. Grace sounds like such a magical term to me. It sounds like this beautiful, far-off promised land where things are right and true... Where wounds can be healed, relationships mended, and journies continued. But you know what? Traveling to this far-off promised land promises only one thing - hills, valleys, roads under construction, potholes, severe weather - you name it, you'll see it. But anger, anger is like a house... The reason I say this is I think about days when there is bad weather, or I know I have to drive through road construction. What would I rather do? Stay in my little house and pout about it. I'd rather stay inside, and talk about how I wish the gas prices were lower, how I wish it wasn't raining, and that I didn't have to go 10 minutes on a detour. But you know what? I never reach my destination doing that. I never can fully enjoy where it is that I wanted to go because I never went. Instead, I stay in my house, mad. And I think that's how it is with anger and grace. Grace requires the tough, treacherous road. It's not easy. It requires some pain & pride being swallowed. But unless that road is taken, you can never fully experience the promised land of grace. Instead, you'll be sitting in your house, wishing you had grace, and making every annoyance out of the path to it.

2.) We hurt most the ones we love the most. I remember back in high school, listening to a live Counting Crows album. There's a song that's never been released on a studio album called "Chelsea" that I instantly fell in love with, and would listen to a great deal. There is a line in the song that goes "The things I do to people I love shouldn't be allowed." I remember at the time, being a naive 16 year old, and thinking to myself, I wonder what he's referring to. I wonder what terrible things he's done, and why he's done them to the people he loves. But this line has never resonated more with me than it has in the past year. Often times I wonder why the ones I love the most, the ones I would lay everything down for the, the ones I would travel to the ends of the earth for, are the ones I tend to hurt the most. Most often, I think it's because they're the most forgiving. Most often it's because I don't think I have the possibility of losing them, so my actions won't have any detrimental ramifications. Absolutely an incorrect assumption, and it definitely has ramifications.

3.) Change is good. Some of you know, I'm a sentimental sap. I like to hang on to just about anything because it has memory and meaning behind it. I mean, I got pouty when we got rid of our front door because the sound of the spring screeching would no longer be there. That spring brings back so many memories of my brother and I darting in and out of the door during the summers. It's a sound that indicated someone coming home. I loved that sound. And I got all sappy about our front door taken away. How sad is that? Anyway, that will give you a little framework for where I'm coming from. I don't let go easily. To memories, to places, to objects, to people, to relationships. And I've had to readjust my life this past year as I've had to let go of a lot of things. But it's good. Moving ahead is good. We wouldn't be where we are now if our ancestors had said, "We like to walk, let's forget the wheel." or "Photographs of people will suffice... They don't need to be moving pictures." What if Martin Luther had never made the change in his life that he did? Change is good... It is. And I'm learning that. I'm no Martin Luther, that's for sure. But change is inevitable, and I'm learning to roll with the punches. Granted, sometimes I let those punches take a sucker shot to the stomach, and then gripe about it. But it's a learning process none the less.

These are just a few of the thoughts I've been having recently, and felt like sharing. I know they're pretty vague for those of you who don't know me super well, and that those of you who DO know me well probably know what sorts of things I'm referring to. But it doesn't matter what I'm referring to. These are situations that happen all the time - with everyone. Situations to choose anger over grace, to hurt those we love, and to accept or deny change. I didn't want to write about specific events because these situations are continuos for me. Everyday, I have to make these decisions. Every day I need to decide what kind of person I want to be. Every day I need to learn what humility and love really looks like in human form. And every day, I fall down and pick myself back up again. It's a continuous journey...

farmland

So, I'd like to say that I pride myself on being a city girl - typically, I love the city. I love the giant buildings, the craziness of all the people rushing around, the wall to wall stores and shops, all of the smells of a city, the access to just about anything that comes with being in a city, the different "sides" of a city (downtown side, artsy side, touristy side, business side) and lots of other things. I have never lived in a city, but someday, I would like to.

However, despite my love for the city and desire to be a part of one, I think there's a special place in my heart for farmland. I drove around for a while this afternoon as I had a lot of thinking to take care of. If you don't know me that well, know that about me. I think a lot. Too much at times. As I was doing this, I was driving all over the town I grew up in. I have lived here in Wisconsin, which is full of farms for almost my entire life. As I was driving today, I saw things that brought a smile to my face. Silly things that most people wouldn't think twice about, but for some reason, I found endearing. A house with clothes out on a clothes line. Fields of stalks. A really strange looking scarecrow. Wagons filled with pumpkins for sale. Cows roaming about. I don't know... It just felt so great driving around through this landscape. Granted, cities are pretty cool, but it doesn't have the same feel when it comes to driving through it as this sort of atmosphere...

So, maybe I'm a city girl. Maybe I'm a country girl. Maybe it just means that I find joys in each of those surroundings. It'll be interesting to see where I head though once I move out next spring/summer. The city sounds so exciting, yet there's something so comforting about surburbia. Who knows...

spam

Sorry folks, but due to spam comments, I've added a word verifcation function to my blog. I didn't want to only because it makes commenting a little annoying, but the spam comments are even more annoying. So, I hope you all continue to comment! Don't let the man get you down!

Um, it just felt right saying that there...

stupidity, swings, & saying goodbye

It was a night of stupidity, swings, & saying goodbye.

My evening started out with a good friend of mine. She had a massive craving for Grasshopper Fudge ice cream - the flavor of the day at good old Kopps. After her cone took a spill to the floor, and she purchased another, we made our way into a bizarre evening. I was in the mood for taking pictures, so we wandered around Waukesha taking random shots... Found ourselves at Target where I bought four different colored lightbulbs so that we could play with light in our photo adventures. We then made our way over to Starbucks to visit a friend working the overnight shift. It was there we engaged in a coloring contest with I swear the fattest crayons I have EVER colored with. Our evening was topped off with great boy-band music to which we created ridiculous dance moves... The best one being to O-Town's "All Or Nothing" (we had some killer dance moves and hand motions, I tell ya).

On the way home, I took a night drive as I often do when I have lots of thoughts in my head. Night drives are the best... Windows rolled down, good tunes, and brilliant stars out on back country roads. As I was driving, I started to think about how much fun I had had during the evening, and that it was an evening of sheer stupidity. We did things we never would have done normally, but didn't care that it was utterly ridiculous that we were doing it. It was the best feeling - kind of freeing and liberating. I was trying to imagine what else felt like that, and it hit me - swings. I absolutely adore swings. I'm 25 and still love to swing on them. There's something so childlike about it, yet, so theraputic. I don't know what it is. Something about them just makes everything that's bad in life seem to disappear. When you're up in the top position of swinging, you can see so much farther than in a ground position. I don't know... My night just seemed like flat out, childhood bliss, like swinging on swings.

When I got home, my night became a little more sobering. The sheer stupidity came to a halt, and I needed to shift into "adult" mode. I received an email from a friend which required a lot of processing on my behalf. I wrote a novel of an email back to this friend of mine, and while I was writing, I realized just how hard it is to say goodbye - especially when neither person involved were the cause of the goodbye. When an outside force causes two people to have to say goodbye to everything that once was, it almost seems harder than if it was brought on by one or the other. I don't deal well with change, and this is one change I strongly did not want to admit to... But it's very possible that saying goodbye to a certain situation has become a necessary evil. I'm not sure where things will go from here...

Well, I suppose it's pretty late - my little computer clock says 1:40. It's been a while since I've been up this late...
I promise to have a more uplifting and positive post soon. I just needed to do a little processing tonight.
Thanks for bearing with me.

Night y'all.

clean-out

It's that time of year... Well, maybe not to the rest of the world, but in the life of the Wisconsin Dolan's, it sure is. Clean-out time. And not just of all the junk that has accumulated within our house, but other ways as well. As I'm sitting here, taking a little break (ok, procrastinating a little) on gutting out my room - a much needed process - in preparation for a fresh coat of primer and paint next weekend, I've been thinking about a "clean-out" in other areas too. My dad is going to do a detox thing, where all he eats are raw fruits and vegetables, along with supplimental shakes. He is doing that for 21 days to get out all of the horrible chemicals we put into our bodies every day. My mom has to change what she eats as well, so the Dolan pantry/refridgerator/cupboard will look drastically different in the next few weeks - lots of natural and organic foods. And I gladly welcome the change. A "clean-out" of my system is well needed, and welcomed.

I'm also trying to do a "clean-out" in a leisure sense. Didn't know you had a leisure sense, did you? Who knows why I just typed that... It just came out. Anyway, I have gotten into a nasty habit of watching way too much television, and spending way too much time on my computer just futzing around. I'm not saying that either of these in and of themselves are wrong in any way, but too much of anything is not a good thing. So, as school begins today which kind of feels like a "new beginning" - new class schedule, new work schedule - I am going to try to do a "clean-out" of things that I don't necessarily feel are a good use of all my time. Oh, every so often is fine. I mean, I have to do the usual blogging and check my email every so often. And of course, there's at least one or two TV shows I'll want to watch (24 in January can't come soon enough!). But I'm hoping to spend my time doing the things I love and should be doing, but am just not disciplined enough to get off my lazy butt an do.

We shall see where this new "clean-out" leads me. I'm hoping it'll prove a significant change, and hopefully a more productive semester. I'm excited for a new schedule and the changes ahead.

1000

I realize this post will probably sound a bit narcissistic, but I just thought I'd share my excitement - I've reached 1000 profile views. I know that sounds lame, but it actually means that I have a fair amount of readers out there. Unless there's some weirdo out there who just keeps checking it 50x a day to see if I've changed anything. Hehehe...

Anyway, I realize that there's quite a few of you from all over the states. It'd be awesome to see where everyone is from! So, if you read this on a semi-regular basis, post a comment and let me know where you're from! Let's see how many different states we can get!

fancies

I feel as though I'm being a jerk for not writing about the Katrina disaster at all... My thoughts are still really jumbled about it, still processing, and to be honest, I have had so many different discussions, thoughts, and news stories thrown at me that I'm not even sure I could regurgitate something worthwhile at this point.

So instead, I shall start the first of the many thoughts I had while traveling out east this past week - that which I fancy. Two things in particular: children's bookstores and photography.

Children's bookstores... There aren't many that exist, at least none where I live. While in Cambridge, MA I came across this amazing Curious George themed children's bookstore. It was amazing! I fell in love with it instantly. It had books galore, toys, stuffed animals, little corners with fun carpets for little kids to sit on while they read, and a staircase that lead to downstairs treasures for the older kiddies. I could have spent hours in there. So many books and toys to look at! I found an amazing copy of the entire Chronicles of Narnia, and tons of books that I read as a kid like Ramona Quimby books, and Nancy Drew (but alas, no Bobsey Twins). Needless to say, this place was sheer heaven... Now, this may sound weird to some of you who don't know me. I don't know why, maybe it's my love for little kids and the fact that I love to watch them read, learn, imagine, and dream... Maybe it's because I've always been a sucker for cartoons and moral stories, but there is something so wonderful about children's books, and even more wonderful when they're all in once place. While I was in this bookstore, I had such a great desire to open up my own children's bookstore. This is not a new idea - I've shared it with a few people before. But this time, I even said, "Maybe I should start to take some business classes..." If you know even a little bit about me, this is HUGE because I'm not a business person in the slightest. But I'd consider becoming one if it meant I could open up my own bookstore... How amazing would that be?

Photography... While on vacation, one typically partakes in taking pictures of where one stays. I too participated in this vacation tradition, only, I didn't want to document where I was as much as I wanted to get some really artistic shots. Granted, I did not get as many as I would have hoped, but I got a few that I was pretty excited about. Over the past couple of days, I've been checking out some different Flickr accounts. I belong to a group of people who are readers of Relevant Magazine, and I must say, I'm totally impressed with their photography skills. So amazing... Some of them are absolutely genious. I have become greatly inspired to take better pictures... The one thing I'm struggling with though is how to find great subjects. Some of these pictures, I think to myself "I'm never in a situation where I could take a picture like that." For instance, I don't have any surfer friends, I don't know anyone who teaches ballet or has a little girl taking ballet, I don't know any good graffiti spots... I know, I know... I just have to hunt a little more, and become a little bit more bold with taking pictures. But I must say that over the past few days, I have become TOTALLY inspired to take more pictures, and to learn how to be a better photographer. Any tips would be greatly welcomed.

Those are my current "fancies". Just thought I'd share them for the moment... More thoughts to come in the next few days.

home

Well folks, at 8:30 this evening, my feet crossed the threshold of my house. Praise the Lord! Don't get me wrong. I absolutely love to travel. Boston and Washington DC were great, and I had a lot of fun, but this time around there was something so great about coming home. And here I am. Home.

The next few days should prove to be relaxing and exciting... I don't have a ton planned which is great, and then a Labor Day picnic with my sister-in-law's family. Fun times, fun times.

I had some thoughts during my travels that I found myself too tired to write about, but hopefully I'll be able to convey some of those ideas in the days to come. Thanks to all of you who continue to read my blog... You have more patience than I could ever have! hehehe...

Have a good night one and all.