7.31.2004

on the road & m. night

well folks, this is it...

In about 6 hours, I will be on the road headed for California. It seemed as though this vacation would never come. It couldn't have come at a better time. While I love those in Wisconsin dearly, I'm anxious for some time away. A time of rest, a time of solitude (well, for part of the trip) and a time to just catch my breath. I haven't really had time to process that I'll be in the car for about 15-16 hours tomorrow, but hey - it's vacation right? It's not serving coffee or typing numbers. I have plenty of good tunes, an audio book and some sermons, so I'm GOOD TO GO! I will try to keep you guys posted along the way...

I saw "The Village" today. I do not want to give any spoilers to this movie, but it's worth seeing. It's classic M. Night Shyamalan, and it's great. Each time I watch one of his movies, my love for filmmaking is renewed and my creativity is sparked. I'm so glad this is the movie I saw right before I head out on a trip where I hope to spend an ample amount of time writing and doing photography. Creative juices are flowin', my friends! Now I just need to see Garden State (and Donnie Darko)...

Alright then...I'm off. If for some reason I can't find a place to plug in once I'm out there (which I find highly unlikely), I'll tell you all about my trip when I get home. Thanks so much for being excited along with me...and if you're still with me on this whole blog thing, thanks for coming around.

7.27.2004

changes

Does anyone else out there have an addiction to change?

It's kind of funny because I have strange thoughts on change. I love to create change. I love making changes in different areas in my life. However, I greatly dislike unexpected changes.

My mom brought something up to me the other day. I had come home from SEMP, and was once again disgruntled with where I was in life. This seems to happen most often when I go away from home - I come home with different ideas about what I should be doing in life. I seem to always want to switch gears. I've gone through 4 schools, 3 different majors, a bizillion jobs, and can't seem to settle on anything. The one thing I'm happy about is my determination to finally finish school. However, I'm still trying to figure out what I'm doing in my major (which is currently English). But my mom was noticing that I always seem to want to change my "life path" and things in my life. I was wondering if anyone else was in that boat. If they seem to choose one path, only to have another one strike their fancy.

I've learned that my problem comes not from lack of interest, but over interest in things. I mean, if I were to list all the things that interest me, and things I've considered pursuing, we'd be here for quite some time. I've told people that I will for sure end up somewhere in the arts - whether it's visual, audio or written - for art is where my heart lies. But I seriously could see myself doing a TON of things, that I don't know which to pursue first. Hence, being 24, still living at home and trying to graduate from college!

Does anyone else have such a desire to keep "switching it up"? Just wondering...

Off for the night...I'll write more later. I'm going to spend some time listening to the new iTunes that I just downloaded that I probably didn't need...it's SO addicting. I seriously think it's a disease. Hehehe...

G'night one and all...

7.23.2004

make-over

So, I decided to use a new template for my blog. The other template I was using looked terrible (colorwise) on every other computer I used aside from my own. Hopefully these colors look a little better...plus, I like the star up at the top.

I wish I knew html so that I could change some stuff with my blog...but for now, this is the new make-over

here i am

hello friends.

current song: "torch singer" by buffalo tom

well, i'm back in town. only here for about a week, but it feels good to be back. granted, that could be because i'm running on three and a half hours of sleep, and so my bed seems to be the best place in the world right now. i don't feel like using caps right now, in case you were wondering. it was a good week. it was a week filled with really cool things that happened, some frustrations, some definite growing experiences, and just a wide array of emotions. but overall, a good week. semp is always a treat. i absolutely adore the people i get to work with. they are all so great and so encouraging. as someone who struggles a GREAT deal with feeling as though i have any "usefulness" (my skills in the area of programming are not altogether strong or polished), things such as semp often cause me to doubt the gifts god has given me. i am surrounded by amazing gifted and talented people, and i often feel like i don't have anything to contribute. God and i worked on that this week. it'll always be a life long struggle as it seems to be the way that i'm wired, however, this week was definitely a week of growth in that area. and those who surrounded me were so encouraging and affirming. on a different note, it was also fun to be the female representing on the production team. there were two girls in the band, but that's not technically considered the "production" team. i was the only female, so that was a little odd. didn't mind though - great group of guys that are so hard working, and treat me really well. they don't treat me as a "girly girl" (which I'm not), but they also don't just treat me as "another one of the guys". props to them. they rock. plus, i don't have a ton of tight guy friends so it was good to be able to chum around with them this week.

on a little bit of a different note, i had a really good lunch today before I left wheaton. It was with two people whom i admire and respect a great deal. we had some really interesting conversations about what it means to serve those around us, and what it means to be Christ to them. i thought a lot about it on my way home. i was thinking about how i'm so good at knowing how i feel about certain situations and certain ways of living as a christian, but i don't tend to live them out. it's so easy for me to philosophize and analyze things, but when it comes down to it, what people am i really pursuing to get to know? how am i serving the people around me. an awesome conversation, but definitely most challenging. i believe some lifestyle adjustments will need to be made... :)

current song: "high hopes" by pink floyd

well my friends, i think this will have to do for right now. my eyes are gaining more and more weight as i type this out. i think a night of relaxation and early bedtime are in order.
have an excellent evening.

ending song: "so what'cha want" by the beastie boys (love the guitar riff!)

7.22.2004

better late than never

Alrighty...so, this is a little bit late, I realize that.  But like I said - better late than never.  I am now on the last day of my stay at SEMP in Wheaton, Illinois.  I'm in a position of extreme excitement for the last night as it is always an amazing time.  But I'm also in a position of sadness.  The team that I worked with this year was an interesting combination of oldies and newbies.  We had the ability to pull together (despite some major barriers) and really bond as a team, each of us contributing different gifts and strengths.  I feel blessed and honored to have met these people, and can honestly say they have contributed to my life in a huge way in which I will never be able to repay them for.  Which brings me to the sad aspect...I am sad to be leaving this group behind, knowing that I may not see a lot of them again (at least not any time soon).  I have appreciated their role in my life, and it will be sad to see that change.  But it has been an amazing week.  I will share more later when I have some more time to sit down and think about it rather than sitting in the Wheaton library, thinking about the next thing I need to be doing.  Thanks for all who were praying for me... I'll write some more before I leave for Cali. Little over a week out...Rock on.

7.14.2004

i love the 90s

Anyone else watching I Love The 90s on VH1?

I was a big fan of I Love The 80s, and didn't really remember much of I Love the 70s only because I wasn't alive...However, the 90s which I remember a ton of, is of poor rememberance on I Love the 90s. Tonight we're on 94 & 95...I was disappointed with the "things remembered" of 90-93. There were a few good ones, and of course, as most of you know, I enjoy commentary by Dominic Monaghan (his MC Hammer dance was GREAT), but overall it just isn't as good.

I'm hoping that as the years progress, there are better things that are covered, but we shall see. There were so many other things I remember about the 90s other than what they are discussing.

However, I must say that Hal Sparks had me rolling on the floor. When he did the Sinead O'Conner "Nothing Compares 2 U" video, I just about died...That was hilarious. He's quite humorous...Too bad I have NO CLUE what he's in or on...Anyone know what shows/movies/whatever he's in? Or is he just a stand up comic?

Just wondering if anyone else was watching, and what their thoughts were...

7.11.2004

journals

I saw this on Troy's blog and rather enjoyed it. I LOVE learning about what people are listening to...So, I thought I'd post this every now and then...

Current Song: "Close Your Eyes" - Jump Little Children

A thought occured to me the other day. I have partially allowed blogging to take over my discipline of doing traditional hand written journaling. This saddens me. I LOVE having journals...There's something so magical about them to me. I don't know...Maybe that's the romantic in me coming out. But there's something so special about hand written journals. I thought about something the other day. I have about 8 or 9 journals from the past 6 or 7 years, and thought it might be interesting to try to combine them in some way, shape or form. I thought about typing them all, but again I go back to the whole idea of loving the handwritten style.

Current Song: "Pictures of Matchstick Men" Camper Van Beethoven
On the flip side of journals being magical and something special, the thought of having all my thoughts from the past few years all together in one document for anyone to read scares the crap out of me though. I think about writers and musicians, after they die, when people find their journals and publish them. Didn't they just do that with Kurt Kobain's journals? Yeah, see, that scares me...Those are a persons private thoughts and feelings. I've heard the arguement so many times, "Well, if they're so private than why did they write them down?" I really believe those people don't understand the theraputic aspect that journaling holds. But I think of how so many people are interested in the inner thoughts of these people. I'm not saying that I'll ever reach a status where my journals would be of any importance to anyone, however I do remember asking my mom a few years ago that if I should ever die suddenly (I know, that's kind of a morbid thought) if she would dispose of my journals (BURN EM!) without reading them. Isn't that sad that I think about those sorts of things? But I do. I love to journal, to write...I'm fairly honest on here about stuff, but am obviously much more open in a personal journal, as would anyone be. It's such a theraputic thing for me...I couldn't NOT journal...But thinking about someone reading them? Sure, they're thoughts that everyone has...Will I ever be happy? Will I be able to live out my passions? Will I ever find someone to love who loves me back (that one is beginning to seem to have less and less hope)? And the arguments I go through with myself are typical self arguments...So why should I be so frightened of writing things down? It's weird. I've been somewhat paralyzed by this thought. I have talked about this (blogging) being the closest thing to being published, therefore, I do QUITE a bit of self censorship. But my journals have none of that...At least not until recently. Recently, I've been really cautious as to what I write...and that takes away the theraputic aspect of it all.

Anyway, I was just wondering if any of you writers out there feel the same way. You love to write what's rolling around in your head, but once it's out on paper, you can't stand to see it and pray no one else does either. Maybe I'm just weird. I've been told that often. Don't worry...I've come to terms with it, and I'm ok with it. Heheheh...

Alright. Enough rambling.

Closing song "Pretty Things" - Rufus Wainwright

7.08.2004

it's been a while

Ok, so my title makes me want to break into the Staind song...But I'll spare you all...

It's been a while since I've blogged. At least, it feels like it's been a while...I just finished an odd night of work in the land of Starbucks. Two other girls and I worked at a different store so that all their employees could go to a Brewer game (yes, Brewers...You know, the ones that beat the Cubbies 3 times?) with another store. Now, normally working in another store is one thing, but having to close it down...Kinda crazy. And, the store is completely different than ours! So, we had an interesting evening trying to make our way around in the store...Glad it's over!

I don't have anything philosophical to write tonight, or even some sort of deep thought...Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey. Man, that was a great sketch on Saturday Night Live. It was Jack Handey, wasn't it? Or was it John Handey...Anyway, I like that segment no matter what his name was. But tonight is just a night to sort of ramble. I'm quite good at it. So if you're not into rambling, I suggest you stop reading now. But sometimes they're fun thoughts...The choice is up to you.

So, I'd like to share of my great excitement about my trip to California. For those of you who don't know, I am taking two weeks to drive out to southern California. I have a friend who lives out there, and so I'm staying with her. But I'm so stinkin' excited about going. I'm taking three days to get out there (not much sight seeing on the way out there). I am attending the X-Games (my reason for deciding to go when I did). I have tickets to the vert finals (skateboarding) and am planning on attending the surf competition as well. I am hoping to learn to surf, though my luck with skateboarding has somewhat clouded my hope for surfing. I am going to a concert at the House of Blues in Anaheim (The Young Dubliners) and am hoping to do and see a ton more! Suggestions are greatly welcomed. But I'm staying in Boulder & Las Vegas on the way out and on the way back, and have been having so much fun figuring out what hotels to stay in. I'm planning on making this a HUGE writing trip as well. I hope to get a lot of writing done, as well as do a lot of photography - two huge loves of mine. But most importantly, I am so ready for some time away. TWO WEEKS! That is mind boggling to me. I can't believe I have two weeks with no work! HOW FUN!

Ok, I just needed to share my joy...It's a bit silly, I realize, but I'm so anxious, and I'm so excited, and I'm so unbelievably tired...Wow...I just realized how tired I really am. I'll probably read this blog tomorrow and say, "What in the world?" So, I apologize if it's just totally random.

But that's me...My thoughts are usually disconnected...But you guys still love me, right?
:)

Have a good night one and all...

7.06.2004

gloat time

I would just like to take a minute to gloat...though I'm sure it won't last for long...

I would just like to point out the fact that Milwaukee beat the Cubbies tonight, 1-0.

Aw, poor Kelly & Amy, the Wulbys, the Novellis, the Klinepeters, The Sundstedts, and Drew.

So sad for your Cubbies...

HAHAHAHA!

Sorry, just had to point that out.

the world of blogging

I had an interesting conversation with my mom the other day about blogging. We were wondering if it has the potential of being an ego booster. How interesting can I make my life sound? How intellectual can I make myself out to be? How much can I speculate about and analyze the world and/or my surroundings? And how much do I desire for people to read it?

This thought occured to me as I wrote my last post, making a comment about how many people read this. I was encouraged and excited to see that at least three people have been here (thanks so much Chris, Peter, & Troy! You rock!). They were the ones posted comments anyway...I believe my girl from Cali reads this at times (Word To Chi town, baby!) And I think my family may come here, so of course they rock too...Guess I'm not THAT alone in the world of blogging!

But honestly, what is bloggin for anyway? Is it to keep in contact in a generic form with those we don't often see? Is it a way of journaling and getting thoughts out of your head, allowing people to comment if they so choose? Is it a way of being heard when no one else will listen? Is it a way to boost our ego in saying "Oooo, who read my blog & commented?" or "How smart can I sound today?" I don't really know the answer to that one...I think I may have a little of all of them in me. There is part of me that just has random thoughts and it's kind of theraputic to get them out there, you know? I mean, I highly doubt I'll ever be published, so this is the closest thing. There is a part of me that enjoys analyzing things that are going on around me. And there's also a part of me that thinks, "Who's really interested in my life?"

I remember in high school, I had an English teacher who used to have us journal every Monday for the whole period. Then, after maybe 6 or 7 weeks, he'd collect them and make comments throughout it. We could be as open and honest as we wanted, as lame as we wanted, as creative as we wanted...Whatever. He would then keep them for a week, and make comments throughout it. I loved this and looked forward to it every time! I still have those journals, and they meant so much to me at the time, that amidst high school, someone cared enough to take the time to read my thoughts, and make comments on them. Maybe that's the real reason why I love the whole world of blogging. It brings me back to a time where I felt like someone was listening...

That sounds kind of sick and pathetic doesn't it? Well, for whatever reason ANY of us blog, I must say that I'm enjoying it...I'm enjoying writing, reading other people's blogs, and commenting as well as receiving comments.

So thanks to all of you who have read this! You rock the casbah!

7.04.2004

the battles begin

Ok, here is an addition to my last post. A friend of mine who's not the biggest Michael Moore fan lead me to this website for a documentary called "Michael Moore Hates America". You can check out the trailer at www.michaelmoorehatesamerica.com. It acutally looks kind of interesting. I'm definitely into documentaries - so for all you documentary nuts out there (even though there's only a total of like two people who read my blog), check out the trailer for this documentary. The other site my friend gave me was www.mooreexposed.com, but I haven't had much of a chance to tool around on that site yet. Looks like there might be some interesting things that happen in this documentary though...let the the battles begin.

farenheit 9/11

Well, I have just returned from watching Farenheit 9/11. I wish that I had some great, and in depth report to give you. I don't. I went and saw it with two of my really good friends - a married couple - who are struggling with some of the same political questions that I am. I am still processing what I saw tonight. To be perfectly honest (and it's not too often I say this about movies), it was really hard for me to stomach. I loved Bowling for Columbine, but it didn't hit home for me. It wasn't personal. This movie was. For those of you who don't know, a good friend of mine was serving in Iraq with her two sisters who are twins. One of the twins was killed in action. And for some reason, this movie was SO hard to watch because of that. There was a part of me that wanted to believe everything that was in it...Have something to blame all of these horrendous acts on. And there was part of me that felt like this movie didn't serve justice to those who served and died in the war. I do believe Michael Moore is a brilliant film maker. He has a way of storytelling and putting film together that is wickedly smart and very creative. Do I agree with his tactic? Do I agree with what he says? Do I like what he does? Not particularily...But I have to give him credit as a film maker. And I think that this movie (as well as his other movies) does serve a good purpose - despite all the skuttlebutt surrounding it. This movie makes people think - an art sometimes I think we've lost skill in. I know I personally have fallen into the trap many times of just taking things as they come - face value - no questions asked. Obviously, this was much more so the case when I was younger. I didn't really know any better. However, as I got older and began to learn more, the more I became a skeptic, and started questioning everything. The thing I think that bothers me about the whole Farenheit 9/11 thing, is it comes at a time where EVERYONE seems to be in that boat - very skeptical of everything they've been told, only to fall into the Michael Moore trap, and believe a lot of what he presents. Does he present any truth? Possibly. Is he manipulative. Very likely. Is he playing the same game that everyone else in the industry is playing? I believe so...So how do I feel overall about the movie Farenheit 9/11 - I have absolutely no clue.

7.03.2004

evaporated

I haven't posted in a while...Haven't been much up to it to be perfectly honest. But I wanted to share a song with you tonight. Too bad I'm not computer smart enough to create a link where you could listen to it. But it's an old Ben Folds Five song called "Evaporate". Have you ever had those times in life, where you've heard something or seen something before, and it did't really have much of an effect on you...Until one day, it's just what you needed, or it describes exactly where you're at. For some reason, there is a line in this song that resonates with me...

"I poured my heart out...and it evaporated."

There's more to the song than that. It's actually quite a sad song about wondering what he's done with his life. The chorus goes, "Here I stand, sad and free...I can't cry, and I can't see What I've done oh God, what have I done?" It's an absolutely beautiful piano ballad. If you haven't heard it, go to iTunes and check it out. It's beautiful. For some reason, I can't get enough of this song.

Anyway, that was my thought for the evening. Hopefully, over the weekend I'll be able to post something with more substance.

On a slightly different note, but still on the topic of music, has anyone heard the new Counting Crows song "Accidentally Fell In Love" - aw man! I love it! It's so catchy, and so fun!

Ok, goodnight one and all.