myspace

A while back, I had posted some ideas/thoughts about myspace. I was pretty hesitant about the whole thing, mostly because I had heard way too many creepy stories. However, as the past few months have passed, I have decided that as embarrassing as it is to admit this, I LOVE myspace. And here are two reasons why...

Music.

Over the past two months, I have come across NUMEROUS bands that I would never have found had it not been for myspace. The way it's set up is brilliant. Artists have their own pages, and then they also have a "pool" of friends which usually contains other artists. I have found so many different bands and musicians through this sort of "linking" system. Bands such as Jose Gonzalez (who's on Conan tonight - whoo hoo!), Iko, Northern Room, Hotel Lights, The Popular Belief, Trevorside, Scott Matthews, and Momentary. Some of them are just local bands trying to get heard, while others are indie bands trying to gain a larger fan base. Whatever the case is, I'm way excited for all the access to new music. For someone who's a bit of a music junkie, it's paradise.

Friends.

So, I was pretty stoked to reunite with some old friends... There were some from my old church, the one that I grew up in. Some friends from Heritage (where I attended for elementary and high school), as well as some friends from Judson (college). But I was so excited tonight when I was contacted by an old friend from Judson who I haven't talked to in a really long time. Out of all the people I met at Judson, he was probably one of the ones who impacted me the most, on multiple levels. I never imagined I'd get to hear from him again. But tonight, I logged on to myspace, and I noticed a "friend request" waiting to be viewed; I nearly peed my pants when I saw who it was. Not only do I get to "catch up" with this old friend, but I get to find out about his wife (who I always thought was such a cool girl) and his two beautiful daughters. How great is that?

So, while there's a part of me who wants to cower away from admitting that I am even ON myspace, I must say, it has proven to be great thing. Granted, I still think it's a little weird and a little creepy... but so many cool things have come from it.

So I will say it: My name is Tory. And I'm addicted to Myspace.

puzzle

Did you ever wonder about your puzzle pieces?

I mean, did you ever wonder about all the small bits and pieces that compose your life? Your family, your friends, your education, your faith, daily events, the strangers you meet, your unusual trip to the supermarket the other day... All these fragments, these slivers of life all blended together to create what you know as "your life." Do you ever wonder about them? Like, what would happen if one of those pieces of the puzzle were missing? Would it be a vital piece of the puzzle, or one of the corner pieces that you assume got lost under some random piece of furniture, never to be found again?

I've been thinking a lot about my puzzle pieces lately, the little bits and pieces that make up everything I have ever known. I've come across some old pictures - some that make me eternally grateful that that period in my life is over, and some that make me deeply miss people and places in my life. I wonder about all the people that have I have come to know - how they've contributed to and impacted my life. I think about the people who never knew they had an impact on me, people who I'll probably never get to thank; the people who I admired from afar, never getting to know them well, but knowing deep down there was something good about them that made me strive to be better. I love to think about the people who I HAVE known, and who have been more than I could have ever dreamed of in a friend. I also think about the people who have caused me deep pain, which in turn has helped me to grow. And what about the people who are currently popping in and out of my life... where will they be 10 years down the road? Where will I be?

I think about where I went to school, where I went to church, how I spent my summers, what I created and dreamed about as a kid, what I've created and dreamed about as an adult, the places I've traveled to both physically and in my thoughts, the stories I've lived out and created, the faith I've held so tightly to, and yet questioned each step along the way...

All of these things have molded me. They have shaped my past, and will shape my future. But I wonder what pieces are still missing? How will some pieces connect with other ones? Will I lose some pieces along the way? Will my puzzle ever be complete, or will I constantly be looking for that one piece that goes in the middle, the one that seems to connect them all?

I know, some of you have answers to those questions... I do too... but my heart still wonders about the puzzle despite the fact that my head knows one day it will be complete.

And did you ever notice... puzzles seem to take FOREVER to put together. I think I got the 10,000 piece box.

(photo found here)

you, me, us & them

Last night, I had a dream...

In my dream, I came up with a briliant idea for a blog. It was creative, it was witty, it was fun, it was interactive...
But I can't for the life of me remember what I wanted it to be. The only thing I can remember about it was that the title was going to be you, me, us and them. I have NO idea where that name came from, or what I was going to attribute it to. I remember in my dream being half awake and half asleep, and thinking to myself "I have to remember this dream! I have to remember to create this blog!" and woke up only remembering the title.

You, Me, Us, & Them

Maybe the more I say the name to myself, the better my chances will be of remembering it. Probably not though.

sites

Hey one and all.

I wanted to make you aware of two sites that I have listed on my side bar. The first one is Lemon Lime Kids. My sister-in-law Amy absolutely loves kids, but even more, she loves teaching people how to work with children. So, she started a website! You should check it out. It's lots of fun! It is a "fresh approach to children's ministry." Her goal is to help you "train, recruit and encourage children's ministry volunteers so that all children will experience God's love." You can learn more about her, what she does, what services she offers, and the chronicles of her experiences with children and leaders! The website is www.lemonlimekids.com, or you can follow the link on the right.

The second one is my brother and his friend's company called Imago Media. They are a media production company, providing services in web design, video production, graphic design, and conference production. Their site is pretty cool, and they even have a blog, listing all of the crazy technological things they've come across and what they're reading.The site is www.imagomedia.com, or again, there is a link on the right.

I just wanted to give a shout out for my brother and sister-in-law, and their cool sites! So go check 'em out!

story

The Art of Creating A Story:

Great Because: You can create a completely different world.

Sucks Because: You can't actually live in it.

gifts

I never really thought that "receiving gifts" would be on the high end of my love languages. Giving gifts, sure. That is totally one of my love languages as far as showing love. I absolutely love to give gifts, and I try to get really creative with them. Sometimes I have a really hard time getting creative, and that can be really frustrating. But most of the time, I LOVE to give gifts. However, until recently, I never really thought I was much for receiving them. Granted, I like them, but they're not what speak volumes to me as far as feeling loved. Or so I thought...

I have three examples of how this thought has recently been changed. Granted, two of them happened in the past, but just came to mind recently, and really made me rethink how much gifts really mean to me.

Example one:

When I was a freshman in college, I had a friend named Colin. He was a bit older than I was - a senior - but was friends with some of my friends, therefore, giving us an odd sort of friendship. I can remember one day, sitting on a ratty old couch in the art building, facing this gigantic picture window that overlooked a courtyard. It was raining - gray, dreary, and drippy - not as exciting as a thunderstorm. I began to tell Colin about my fascination with thunderstorms and tornados. I told him that as a little kid, I even had my own weather station which was ironically situated in a tree. I told him there weren't a lot of things in life that energized me more than a good thunderstorm, and nothing better to listen to when falling asleep. He listened to my laments about our lack of thunderstorms, and how I missed having that sound to fall asleep to. The rain didn't turn into a thunderstorm that day, and I couldn't even hear a faint patter of raindrops on the roof of my dorm because I was on the first floor. The next day, I ran into Colin in the cafeteria. He handed me a tape. I asked him waht was on it as it had no label, and he simply said, "Just listen to it... But you have to wait until you're getting ready to go to bed." I had just finished brushing my teeth, and was about to crawl into bed when I remembered the tape. I stuck it in my stereo, and was met by loud cracks and booms. A thunderstorm. Colin had made a tape of thunderstorm sounds for me to fall asleep to. I had never received a gift like that from anyone - no one had ever cared to take something so simplistic and small, yet so meaningful to me, and packaged it in a small gift to bring great amounts of joy. That gift meant the world to me.

Example two:
I'm not sure how many years ago this conversation happened, but it had to be at least 10 years ago. My mom was driving my brother either to or from Judson, and I, as usual, was riding along. Kelly and I got into a conversation about what we think might make a cool band name - you know, if we were to ever start one. He came up with the name "Throwing Exacto." There is a company on Rt. 31 called "Exacto" which is where he got the idea for the name. I however, being 14, came up with a brilliant name. "Silver's Myth" Wow. How creative am I? Man, what a sucky name. I actually had been reading my bible and came across the word "silversmith" and thought I'd play on that word... Anyway, one Christmas, my brother decided that he'd take the name I had created and write a poem with the same title. He wrote the poem, and then found a picture of us when we were little, and put the picture and poem side by side in a frame. I remember when I opened it, being completely shocked by what my brother had given me. Not only had he remembered the name I came up with, he had used it to create a gift for me, one that expressed his love for me as his sister. Tears came to my eyes. To this day, it is by far my most cherished gift.

Example three:
The other night, I had one of the greatest musical experiences I've had to this date (although, Sigur Ros is coming in May... that may end up being a hard act to compete with). I went to the Coldplay concert. Back in January, I was chatting with EBrown about going to the Coldplay concert. I have never seen them, but have always wanted to. They're one of my all-time favorite bands, and I was thinking they'd put on a pretty slick show. Well, one night, I was talking to EBrown on the phone, and she told me that she had gotten me tickets for my birthday/graduation. I felt as though I would burst with joy, I was so excited. No one has ever purchased me concert tickets before (I don't think... if you have, and I've forgotten, my DEEPEST apologies), and especially not to Coldplay. I felt so loved! And how fun to be attending the concert with another fellow Coldplay lover! I'm so grateful to EBrown for such an awesome gift.

Now, I don't mean to say that I haven't received other cool gifts in the past. I have! For sure! And people have been creative before, giving me things that really catered to my interest. My friend SCataldo got me an AMAZING book for my birthday one year (which I think cost her an arm and a leg) that I was so SO excited about. But even though I have received such cool gifts, like I said, until just a few days ago, I didn't think I could have claimed "receiving gifts" as being high on my love language list. I am all about time spent. So maybe it's the combination between time spent AND gift giving that makes the gift giving so special... you know? Time spent listening to my long story about thunderstorms and making a tape of thunderstorm sounds, time spent writing a poem, and time spent with me at a concert. The gifts of going out for dinner, out to coffee, and on road trips... Those are the greatest gifts... and what make me feel most loved.

Love languages are interesting, hey?

ability

I have the ability to inspire, and the ability to crush dreams.
I have the ability to encourage and condemn.
I have the ability to cooperate, and the ability to fight.
I have the ability to heal, and to hurt.
To give and to steal.
I have the ability to love and to hate.
I have the ability to cherish, and the ability to waste.
I have the ability to care and ignore.
I have the ability to teach and deceive.
To grieve with, and to mock.
I have the ability to see and to be blind.
I have the ability to serve and to demand.
I have the ability to be honest and to lie.
I have the ability to be humble and arrogant.
To be open and closed.
I have the ability to choose, and not to choose.
I have the ability to make a change, and to let things remain.
I have the ability…
To do a lot of things.
The question is not what I can do,
But what I am doing.

night

My brother told me not that long ago that there was an American Express commercial featuring M. Night Shyamalan. He told me this because he knows of my great fascination with M. Night. If asked who I would most want to work with in the film industry, it'd be a tough question to answer - there's lots of contenders, lots of directors who I think are amazing. However, for whatever reason, M. Night takes the cake. There is something about his films that greatly intrigue me, and I love his style of filmmaking.

Check out the American Express commercial. It's fun!

vote

Ok folks...

Over the past couple of months or so, I have really been debating about what I want to do after graduation. I definitely have pros and cons for each. But there are times where it just comes down to "what fits." I can analyze it until I'm blue in the face, but at the end of the day, I'm left wondering, "What seems most natural? What makes the most sense? What direction does my life reflect?"

That being said, I decided that I wanted input from other people that know me. I think that to some extent, I can only see so much from my skewed perspective. I'm thinking that someone else might be able to point something out to me that I never thought of, or haven't even considered before. I already have a close circle of friends and family that I've been talking with, and they have graciously given me their thoughts... However, I thought it'd be interesting to get other perspectives.

So, I'm wondering what you all think... I'm going to list a few different things, and I would love for you to vote by commenting for which you think bests "suits" me. I know this may seem like a weird question, but go with it... :) I realize that some of these may not even come to fruition - I may not even be presented with the opportunity to pursue them. And some of them may not even happen until a few years from now. But I'm still interested in thoughts...

1.) Production Assistant in the film industry
2.) Residence Director at a college
3.) Ministry
4.) Editorial Assistant (publishing industry)
5.) Freelance Writer
6.) Elementary Teacher
7.) Administrative Assistant
8.) Graphic Designer/Photography
9.) Drifter
10.) Joaquin Phoenix's Wife

Those last two I was just kidding... Well, maybe not number 10.

Ok peeps... let me know your thoughts.

note

Note To Self:

When purchasing concert tickets, don't assume that because there is a flat rate price for all the tickets, that it is therefore general admission, and you can sit wherever you want on a first come first serve basis. Pay attention when they give you a "location description" and look to see where that location is.

Otherwise, you will be stuck with two tickets to a show you were dying to see, but will be wondering if you'll even get to see them from the seats you have.

Luckily, it's more about the music than the visual, right? I just wish I wasn't such a visual person.

Dang.

list

To Do List

1.) Love people more.
2.) Challenge myself daily - don't expect others to do it.
3.) Learn to listen better.
4.) Work harder on my "before I die" list.
5.) Love people more.
6.) Anger is no good. Get rid of it.
7.) Support the cause I wear around my wrist.
8.) Love people more.
9.) Listen to "Light & Day" by P.S. once a day. It's theraputic.
10.) Get unaddicted to caffeine. Once school is over.
11.) Meet at least one new person each week.
12.) Love people more.
13.) Find inspiration.
14.) Laugh.
15.) Make sure my friends and family know I love them.
16.) Be less dramatic.
17.) Move around. Movement is good.
18.) Get off my soapbox. Learn more.
19.) Get to know my community.
20.) Love people more.

coming

They're coming.

From Iceland.

I will NOT miss them again.

One of my absolute favorite bands.

Their music is amazing.


And I want to see them.

When they come to Milwaukee.

Sigur Ros.

Amen.

walk

Today was beautiful out. Granted, not ideal (there was no sun). But one cannot be too picky. The temperature was great - brisk, but not too cold. The snow is melting, providing some monster puddles, and as my mom said, "It's beautiful, and every bird in the neighborhood has something to say about it." I'll take it.

So instead of hitting the gym (which, terribly enough, I haven't been to for probably 2 weeks), I decided it was time to get up, stretch my legs, and take a walk around the neighborhood. I wandered through a neighborhood full of memories. I walked down the street we used to play night games on with the Witmers (along with their foreign exchange student - Jose!), the Burglunds, the two brothers and sister who lived across the street from them, and any other kid we could snag. I walked past my old babysitter's house, who's father gave me a rather inappropriate nickname for a little girl, which I refuse to repeat. I walked my old paper route, past the house that had the gianormous boxer named Joey who, at times, posed a bit of an obstacle when delivering the newspaper (which I had to set under a rock on their porch - how old school!). I walked past the entrance to "Ricky's Trails" - the "forbidden" dirt bike hills where all the boys went to hide their dirty magazines. I went there once in my own naivety, having no clue why people went there... I escaped the wrath of my parents only because I had no idea about the happenings of the hills. I walked past the houses of childhood friends, childhood enemies, and even the old grounds of the abandoned school kids used to explore - Echo Glenn (which, as I've mentioned before, I think would be an awesome band name). It was definitely a walk of memories... Way better than what the treadmill had to offer.

And of course, a good walk can't go with out a good music mix to accompany it. Here is the current "work out" mix.
(Sorry CaraCatalio)

"All We Ever Needed"

"Seventeen Years" - by Ratatat (thanks Aaron)
"Dare" - by Gorillaz
"That's the Way We Get By" - Spoon
"Undertaker Strut" - Ed Harcourt (thanks Jeff)
"My Doorbell" - The White Stripes
"She Don't Use Jelly" - The Flaming Lips (bring back memories, Rae?)
"Dance, Dance" - Fall Out Boy
"Widow" - The Mars Volta (thanks Kyle)
"Helena" - My Chemical Romance
"Sometimes" - Ours
"All We Ever Needed" - The Early November
"The Bird That You Can't See" - Apples in Stereo
"Ha Ha" - Mates of State
"Fight Song" - The Appleseed Cast
"Dutch On the Radio" - Northern Room
"Everything I Once Had" - The Honorary Title

retraction

Rarely do I retract something that I write. I would love to be one of those people who's extremely passionate and confident in everything that they write. That is not the case for me however. Often times, I post in haste with a mind full of thoughts that are only half processed, resulting in something that is typically incoherent and less than beautiful. In the case of my last post entitled "Race" I decided that it was poorly written, conveying only half of my thoughts, and ultimately, suggesting things I didn't really want to suggest. I want to extend my appreciation to Lucy who left a very good, very thorough comment with lots of really great thoughts. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and opinions. I apologize for deleting my post because along with it, your comment was also deleted. But, as I mentioned at the beginning of the post, my thoughts were not fully processed - which ended up creating a post that was not accurately representative.

I apologize if I offended anyone. Please feel free to shoot me an email if you'd like to talk about it further. But for now, I think it's best that I removed it. Thanks.

werckmeister harmonies

Forewarning: This may not be interesting to any of you. I may simply be talking to myself. If you're not really into film, you might want to stop here as this may bore you. However, if you like to hear about/talk about/read about amazing, artistically done films, keep reading...




Last week, I watched a movie that I think forever changed my view of foreign movies. Up until now, I haven't had much experience with foreign films. Oh, I had seen "Life is Beautiful," and "Run Lola Run" and "The Princess and the Warrior" and even the foreign animated feature "Triplets of Belleville." The last foreign film I saw was "God Is Great, And I Am Not." The movie should have been titled, "Film Is Great. This One's Not." It was a terrible movie, hence the bad taste left in my mouth.

This semester, I am in an Eastern European Film class. I was incredibly nervous about taking this class as I know absolutely nothing about eastern Europe, but I figured it'd be interesting none the less. I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked the first couple of films we watched. "Gorilla Bathes at Noon" was a bizarre, yet somehow intriguing film. Not really the best quality - a little cheesy - but amusing none the less. I really enjoyed "Goodbye Lenin" which inspired me to rent a movie with the same lead male actor - Daniel Bruhl - entitled "The Educkators". Great flick. We then watched a film that was part of a trilogy entitled "Three Colors." We watched "White." Not a ton to say about it - I wasn't necessarily impressed. Then we watched two Jan Svankmejer films, who relies heavily on stop animation... I'm not going to waste time writing about them. I hated them.

Then came Werckmeister Harmonies.

This Hungarian film by director Bela Tarr made absolutely no sense to me at first, and yet it had this magnetic force I couldn't resist. I absolutely loved it, though I couldn't explain the movie to save my life. There was something about this film that made me so emotionally moved that I wasn't even able to process it fully for a couple days. The cinematography is absolutely stunning. If any of you have seen Gus Van Sant's "Elephant," know that that movie had to have been based on Bela Tarr's work. He sets up these shots that last forever. The first scene - possibly the movie's most magnificent - is 11 minutes long, I believe. One cut. Amazing. The film is black and white, which most of the time is very dark and yet displays extremely high contrast. The score is by composer Mihaly Vig, and is so completely haunting and beautiful at the same time. As we rewatched specific scenes today, shivers ran down my spine.

What is the movie about? I couldn't tell you... It's pretty abstract. It's about human cycles of construction and destruction. It's about order vs. chaos. It's about light vs. darkness. Yet, it's much more than a simple "this vs. that." The one thing I can say... It captivated me.

Here are what other people have said about the film.

"The pacing is slow, but the film is entrancing and earns a permanent place in the viewer's mind." - Andy Klein, NEW TIMES

"The kind of picture that slowly grows with such emotion and transcendence that its ultimate effect is shocking." - Kim Morgan, OREGONIAN

"Perhaps Tarr's greatest gift is his merciless sense of cinematic economy and an ambiguity that springs not from some intellectual conceit but from the sheer honesty of his gaze." - Josef Braun, VUE WEEKLY (EDMONTON, CANADA)

The film was released on DVD in the US today. I'm hoping to be able to pick up a copy of it, and study it more closely. If you have any interest in film, or want to dive more deeply into the realm of foreign films, this is a must see. It is so artistically done, and provides many questions with few answers - but one's well worth talking about. This movie is mysteriously moving and well worth the watch.

(Quotes taken from Rotten Tomatoes)

map

I just finished watching Elizabethtown again. I love that movie. I know, some of you probably didn't. But I did. It's slowly becoming one of my favorite movies for many reasons. And, as usual, it got me thinking...

As I've mentioned numerous times before, I absolutely adore road trips. Love them with everything there is within me. There's something so amazing about seeing a place you've never been before, a place people call home and yet, to me, feels so strange and unfamiliar. A place filled with history, with stories, with things just waiting to be discovered. And there's something about being on the open road - something so liberating, creating a sense that anything is possible.

Watching Elizabethtown tonight made me want to take a road trip again. But you know what it made me want to do even more? For those of you who have seen the movie, I want to make a map. Whether it be for me or for someone else, I love the map that "Claire" makes in the movie. I especially love how she makes it for "Drew." What an amazing thing to share with someone. I know it's a movie, and it's not real... But to make that sort of a "gift" for someone, or to receive that gift... THe thought of that makes my heart happy.

Another thing a lot of you may know about me is my deeply rooted love for music, and my disappointment that real life doesn't have a soundtrack. However, her "map" is about as close as it gets. In the past, I have made playlists based on the music I listened to on a road trip (mostly based upon either what was popular at the time, or popular music of the specific location), but I've never made an "intentional" road trip playlist, where each individual song had a very important reason for making the list. For example, my LA playlist has a lot of The Clash on it because one of the popular stations in LA plays a ton of The Clash, and I heard probably 3 different songs quite frequently on the radio. However, "London Calling," "Clampdown," and "Rock the Casbah," don't necessarily hold a particular meaning for me.

Anyway, I think her map idea is amazing. It includes pieces of her, pieces of US History, pieces of silliness, pieces of memory, and pieces of life. The pictures, the music, the drawings, the journaling - so great. I would love to make a "map" like that. Maybe someday, I will.

not interested

The UW Milwaukee Union has become my own mid-day place of refuge. The chalk walls, plastic tables, and muted tile floors don’t really offer what I would consider paradise, but during a day filled with fluorescent lights and cinder block walls, the hang-out hub with the hustle and bustle of hungry students, sunlight shining in through large picture windows, and room to spread out is warmly welcomed. And this is the place I seek during my forty-five minute relief period – otherwise known as lunchtime. I have to say that those forty-five minutes are probably the most protected minutes of my day. I typically nab a table off to the side or tucked away in the corner, take some time to myself, plug in the headphones, eat my lunch and gear up for the second part of my day. This past Thursday, however, provided a different set of circumstances.

As usual, I was sitting at a table enjoying some Blue Bunny yogurt and reading Genesis for my Hebrew Lit class, when I saw a woman enter the Union. I saw her approach a student about fifteen feet in front of me. Due to my coveted “alone-study-lunch” time, as well as a slight fear of strange interaction, I slid my headphones on, hoping to avoid an approach. The woman wandered over to my table completely oblivious to the fact that I had headphones on and was “reading,” and began talking to me. She waited a moment for me to take off my headphones, and then continued with her speech. She held out something for me to read, but due to the awkward angle she had positioned, I couldn’t read what it said. She also had very quiet and muffled speech, and I could only make out every other word. I had no idea what she was trying to convey. Slightly embarrassed by my lack of listening skills and the fact that I was absolutely clueless as to what she was telling me, my brain refused asking her to repeat what she said, fearing it might frustrate her, but more so, embarrass me. Therefore, I simply said, “I’m not interested.”

“I’m not interested.” Probably the worst three words I could have uttered. Even if she was selling something – which I’m sure she wasn’t – I’m not sure why my brain decided those three words would create the best response. No matter what her cause, or what she was hoping for, I can’t believe I responded to her with such a reckless remark. How hurtful to say “I’m not interested” in someone – no matter what it is they wanted me to be interested in.

Imagine if Jesus had said to those who sought healing, “I’m not interested” or when asked the greatest commandment, he’d said “I’m not interested” or to any interaction for that matter. What if when Christ had learned what God’s plan for him was, he’d simply said, “I’m not interested.”

I am in no way comparing myself to what Christ did on the cross, but I was designed to be his image bearer. The only thing I reflected on that day was a cowardly girl who was too scared to simply say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Would you mind telling me again?” I know to some extent, there is a line between naivety and being smart about situations. I cannot say “I’m interested” in everyone and everything. But I felt as if I brushed off God’s creation, that I ignored a fellow neighbor – the very neighbor Christ has shown me how to love.

I wish I had a happy ending to my story. I wish I could say I rectified the situation, sought out the woman, and had hours of amazing conversation with her, but that didn’t happen. I don’t have that shiny red bow to put on top of my story. I packed up my books, finished my lunch, tucked my iPod back in my bag, and headed to film class. However, those three words – “I’m not interested” – stuck with me the rest of the day. It made me realize that I treated her like a sales pitch, not a sister. It challenged my love level – how much do I really love people? How do I express that? Do I express something else?

I can’t take it back. And I’m sure it had a more profound effect on me that day than it did the woman I interacted with. I’m sure she’s probably completely forgotten our interaction by now. Maybe not. But I had the opportunity to create a lasting impression – an interaction that could have stuck out amidst all the other negative ones. I can only pray that I will remember that woman and our interaction, and when presented with another situation, I can genuinely say “Yes, I’m interested,” giving them the love and attention they deserve…


(photo found here)

anonymous

I've been thinking a lot more about the whole "anonymous" trend that seems to be all over the blogosphere. I read my fair share of blogs on a daily basis, and obviously have a blog of my own. And I've noticed that "anonymous" seems to pop up everywhere. Here are a few observations I've made about "anonymous."

1.) What they have to say never seems to be neutral - there's always a twinge of sarcasm, flirtation, bitterness, silliness, or they just out right take pot shots. I rarely read a post by "anonymous" that simply says, "Well put." or "I'm not sure I understand." "I agree." or "I disagree". Usually, what they have to say is loaded with something other than what your average joe has to say.

2.) They have a lot of free time. I'd be curious to find this out, but sometimes I will read actual CONVERSATIONS between "anonymous". Are they one in the same, answering their own questions? (See my "Words" post comments) Probably not, but wow, there's a lot of them.

3.) They want something. A reaction. An apology. An explanation. A blog entry that is molded to their every interest. Typically, their comments invoke something. Granted, most "comments," anonymous or not, invoke something. Just seems that most of the "anonymous" comments are more than just conversational.

I have a few more thoughts on "anonymous", but I think that's enough for now because I wanted to write a couple thoughts on why I think people might post "anonymously".

1.) One reason, which I think may actually be pretty valid, is that your name gets attached to what you've said. I remember once being with a friend, and we decided to Google our names to see what different things came up, and who else we shared a name with. I found a comment I had left on a band's website a while ago (Born On Sunset - small band from Cali). Granted, I didn't leave anything I regret, I just found it interesting. And I've heard that a new trend within the business world is that sometimes after an interview, they will Google a candidate's name to see what they find... So part of me wonders if people just don't want to responsibility of standing behind what they write because of what sorts of consequences could come from it.

2.) Freedom. If the scriber's name is not attached to the comment, they won't be held to it - that my friends, provides a tremendous amount of freedom. They can say whatever their little heart desires, and no one will come knocking on their door.

3.) They're lazy. It takes all of 10 seconds to change the little circle from "anonymous" to be able to type in one's name. That's all. Not that hard. No account to sign up for (like blogger used to have). It's pretty simple. Therefore, I'd like to think it's a little bit of laziness.

4.) They have split personalities, and can't commit to one.

5.) The cling tightly to their mysterious personnae and refuse to ever give up their identity because being anything less than mysterious is simply out of the question.

6.) Their a CIA agent. Enough said.

Those are just a few of my thoughts on the whole "anonymous" trend. Where would be without "annonymous?" My guess is we'd have a world full of alter-egos if the "anonymous" button was every taken away.

Anybody else have any thoughts on "anonymous"?

driving

Alright folks... I've been MIA for a while...
No good excuses. Just busy.

However, I wanted to write about being the queen of driving. I will write something deeper (well, hopefully) within the next day or two... But for now, you get to hear my story about feeling like the queen of driving.

Let me preface this by saying that I've done a lot of driving in my 25 years of existence. Granted, my actual "driving" years are narrowed to roughly 10 years, yet I'd say I've gone lots of places during that span. I drove out to California one summer. Last fall I drove out to Massachusettes, then down to DC. Minnesota, Illinois, Iowa, Tennessee, Indianna... These are all states I've driven to. So why did I feel like the queen of driving today? Why when compared to California where I drove a total of 31 hours, does 7 hours in a car feel like so much more? Here's my story...

Every Friday, I commute down south to Illinois to work in the Sonlife Ministry offices in Elburn. It's a decent hike - 2.5 hours. I leave the house at 7:30 in order to get to work by 10. So, as usual, I left the house this morning and drove 2.5 hours to work. After work, I drove northeast to Waukegan to see my cousin's school fundraiser variety show. Mapquest told me it was an hour and a half. Chicago traffic and no "Milwaukee Avenue from the northbound direction" told me two and a half. After the show, I couldn't find a "southbound" exit for Chicago. Someone needs to talk to the tollway creator, and ask why there are places where only one direction ramp exists. Lame. After thinking I'd be smart and learn to get to the freeway a different way, and driving around for a half an hour, I figured I'd just hop on the northbound ramp, get off, and hop back on the southbound ramp. An hour and fifteen minutes later, I was back in Elburn.

The reason why I find this so strange is I spent nearly 7 hours in the car, and didn't get much further than 95 miles away from home. Tomorrow will be interesting as well. Drive from Elburn to Wheaton for breakfast, Wheaton to Schaumburg for lunch, Schaumburg to West Dundee for afternoon coffee with another friend, West Dundee to Elgin to babysit the most awesome Angelo Novelli, and Elgin back to Elburn to crash! Sorry for those of you who aren't familiar with Illinois - I'm sure I just bored you with a whole bunch of random places. Oh and then Sunday, dinner with a friend in Schaumburg again. CRAZINESS! Seriously, despite the fact that I've driven all the way across the country, today felt like an unbelievable amount of driving, without really getting anywhere.

But I had a blast, and am stoked about tomorrow, so it's totally worth it... I'm just pooped. So with it being 12:36 now, I'm going to sleep.

I'll post something more worth reading tomorrow... Well, at least more interesting than this one.

(photo found here)

parade

Sitting below my window with the shade partially drawn, I can’t help but stare at the clouds as they travel across the winter sky. They’re not imaginative today. No shapes. No ducks. No cars. No dinosaurs. Just gray masses with soft, uneven edges. But they’re going somewhere. East, I think. I wouldn’t mind going east myself – southeast rather. Strap a bag to my back, take off, and head to somewhere warm. Wisconsin doesn’t offer the most enticing weather this time of year. But for some reason, I’m fixated on these clouds as they continue their eastward march. Maybe it is for the simple fact that they’re moving. They aren’t waiting for anything, but moving ahead to bigger and better things. Maybe they will provide shade for someone. Maybe they’ll provide rain for dry lands. Or maybe they’ll tickle some little kid’s imagination. I don’t know why they’ve captured my fancy today, but I could sit for hours and watch them. It’s been a long time since I’ve laid out on my back and watched the clouds dance by. I’ll have to tuck that idea away for a warmer day. But I’m enjoying the cloud parade today. I wish I could join them in the parade. I will instead be content to watch them continue on their way. On a day where the snow covered trees are not welcoming, the cold wind offers no warmth, and the sun is in hiding, the clouds have come through for me. Brilliant.

(photo taken by elysium at www.sxc.hu)