journals

I saw this on Troy's blog and rather enjoyed it. I LOVE learning about what people are listening to...So, I thought I'd post this every now and then...

Current Song: "Close Your Eyes" - Jump Little Children

A thought occured to me the other day. I have partially allowed blogging to take over my discipline of doing traditional hand written journaling. This saddens me. I LOVE having journals...There's something so magical about them to me. I don't know...Maybe that's the romantic in me coming out. But there's something so special about hand written journals. I thought about something the other day. I have about 8 or 9 journals from the past 6 or 7 years, and thought it might be interesting to try to combine them in some way, shape or form. I thought about typing them all, but again I go back to the whole idea of loving the handwritten style.

Current Song: "Pictures of Matchstick Men" Camper Van Beethoven
On the flip side of journals being magical and something special, the thought of having all my thoughts from the past few years all together in one document for anyone to read scares the crap out of me though. I think about writers and musicians, after they die, when people find their journals and publish them. Didn't they just do that with Kurt Kobain's journals? Yeah, see, that scares me...Those are a persons private thoughts and feelings. I've heard the arguement so many times, "Well, if they're so private than why did they write them down?" I really believe those people don't understand the theraputic aspect that journaling holds. But I think of how so many people are interested in the inner thoughts of these people. I'm not saying that I'll ever reach a status where my journals would be of any importance to anyone, however I do remember asking my mom a few years ago that if I should ever die suddenly (I know, that's kind of a morbid thought) if she would dispose of my journals (BURN EM!) without reading them. Isn't that sad that I think about those sorts of things? But I do. I love to journal, to write...I'm fairly honest on here about stuff, but am obviously much more open in a personal journal, as would anyone be. It's such a theraputic thing for me...I couldn't NOT journal...But thinking about someone reading them? Sure, they're thoughts that everyone has...Will I ever be happy? Will I be able to live out my passions? Will I ever find someone to love who loves me back (that one is beginning to seem to have less and less hope)? And the arguments I go through with myself are typical self arguments...So why should I be so frightened of writing things down? It's weird. I've been somewhat paralyzed by this thought. I have talked about this (blogging) being the closest thing to being published, therefore, I do QUITE a bit of self censorship. But my journals have none of that...At least not until recently. Recently, I've been really cautious as to what I write...and that takes away the theraputic aspect of it all.

Anyway, I was just wondering if any of you writers out there feel the same way. You love to write what's rolling around in your head, but once it's out on paper, you can't stand to see it and pray no one else does either. Maybe I'm just weird. I've been told that often. Don't worry...I've come to terms with it, and I'm ok with it. Heheheh...

Alright. Enough rambling.

Closing song "Pretty Things" - Rufus Wainwright