dimensions

I’m fascinated by dimensions. I am literally dumbfounded by how many different dimensions there are to a person - traits, interests, quirks, temperament, love languages, passions, and everything else that makes up the different sides of each person. I love that some of these dimensions are “hand-me-downs,” things passed on from generation to generation. While other things are learned, acquired, and sought after… I love living in a world where there are so many unique individuals with the capacity for a multitude of interactions.

But like everything, there is a downside to these multi-dimensions… This downside can occur when instead of complimenting each other, these differences collide.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea lately... I guess you could say that a simple Christmas gift is what started this rabbit trail of thought. At Christmas, both my dad and brother received a Rubik's Cube – a toy my brother played with as a child and found VERY frustrating. After a while of twists and turns, he found it so frustrating he took the stickers off and tried to rearrange them. When that didn’t work, he then took the whole cube apart and put it back together in order. Way to defeat the purpose, hey?

But it brought an interesting thought to mind. If people are so multi-dimensional, it’s no wonder we have communication errors, broken relationships, and personality conflicts. There are so many different combinations, so many things that need to line up just right in order for things to work – just like a Rubik's Cube needs to be lined up according to color in order to be “solved.”

However, I wonder how many of us respond to these multi-dimension conflicts in the same way my brother responded to his Rubik's Cube? I wonder how often, instead of putting in the time and effort to “crack the code” or to solve the puzzle, we try to cheat our way there. My brother was young, and my not have understood the point of the Rubik's Cube… He just knew what the end product was, and wanted to get there as soon as possible. And I know there are times where I’ve done that with people… I’ve glossed over a conflict, or a gap in communication in order to make the relationship what I wanted it to be, or so that I could continue on my merry way without a whole lot of hassle.

But what would our relationships look like if we were able to spend more time trying get things aligned the way they’re supposed to, where our differences compliment instead of collide? How would our communication change if we recognized the many dimensions people own, and worked on trying to better understand them? And how much richer would our dimensions be if we only gave each other room to exist in them?

It can be a long, and frustrating process. It can seem near impossible at times. But it can be done. A Rubik's Cube CAN be solved, and people CAN learn to understand each others dimensions.

It all depends on how many twists and turns we’re willing to endure.

tunes

Music is good for my soul.

I just got my own "space" at work, and of course, I need to have a handful of CDs by my side to listen to. Therefore, I've been making a few different mix CDs. Recently, I've been obsessed with piano. It's always been a huge love of mine, but just recently, I seem to be searching high and low for more good piano tunes. I've gotten a few suggestions from people which I have loved - so thank you!

This is the current playlist I am hooked on. It incorporates a LOT of piano, but also a lot of the acoustic/folksie sound...well, with some other stuff thrown in there too.

9 Crimes Mix

"Nice, Naive, and Beautiful" - Plumb
"Lonelily" - Damien Rice
"Waiting For My Real Life To Begin" - Colin Hay (thanks Graham!)
"Can't Complain" - Nickel Creek
"Proof" - Colplay
"Go" - Plumb
"Thinking It Over" - Dana Glover
"Come Back Down" - Lifehouse
"Rooftops and Invitations" - Dashboard Confessional
"Hymn" - Cooper (thanks Joshua!)
"Shine" - Tina Malia
"All of My Days" - Alexi Murdoch
"So Long, So Long" - Dashboard Confessional (yay Adam Duritz!)
"9 Crimes" - Damien Rice
"Hallelujah" - Cooper

There are a lot of repeat artists on there I realize, but what can I say... I love their music! I suggest you check out Cooper on iTunes - really fun music. Check out his self-titled album, and also his album entitled "2." Sort of Ben Folds, meets Rufus Wainwright, meets Coldplay, meets Keane, meets Aqualung, meets The Fray. Hahaha... Yes... There's a little bit of all in there! Also, check out Alexi Murdoch - a Nick Drake kind of fella.

Ok friends... That's it for now. Music updates to come in the near future. I have a CD in the mail by a Canadian band called Pilate, and I'm also hoping to order the new Mars Hill worship album rather soon.

Until then, keep the music suggestions coming!

greeting

I absolutely love Christmas! There are many reasons why I love Christmas, but it is easily my most favorite holiday. There seems to be something magical about it... something romantic, something awe-filled, and something so great - I'm somewhat unable to describe it.

So, in honor of it being the beginning of December - one of the greatest months simply because it contains one of the greatest holidays, I bring you a Christmas greeting from Sufjan Stevens.

Great holiday. Great music. Does it get any better?



Thank you Sufjan, for welcoming us into a snow-filled start to December.

scaffolding

I don’t typically like change. I guess you could say I’m a sentimental sap to the core. I much prefer “the original” over the “upgraded” version. But alas, over the years, I have given in to the new fangled toys, giving up on my "originals" that may be broken, or in some cases, just aren't as spectacular as they once were.

I’ve heard plenty of rants about how we as Americans always want more, and are always looking for better - that we’ll tear apart perfectly good highways in order to have one that allows more traffic. Often times, instead of fixing something, we will just replace it… It’s just easier to replace, than to fix what’s broken – especially when it has the potential of breaking again, right? And sometimes, we just want what's new and shiny. We’ll get rid of our sedans and opt for the bigger SUV which of course, is the car of Americans. (Note sarcasm. *wink*) But I think we bypass the beauty in restoring what is "old" with this idea of getting “bigger and better”

I live in an area of the country where construction abounds… Maybe it’s like that everywhere in the U.S. It seems that everywhere there is some road, some bridge, or some building under construction. I work in the city, and so every day I take detours to avoid such construction. However, there is this one building that I pass on a regular basis. The entire building is encased in scaffolding, and when I say entire, I mean ENTIRE building. There doesn’t seem to be one piece of the building’s edifice that doesn’t have scaffolding attached to its side. I took a picture of it, which unfortunately didn’t turn out… Hopefully, I’ll have one for you soon because it’s absolutely amazing! Typically, I wouldn’t be drawn to this sort of spectacle. I mean, it’s just some old building being restored, right? However, this building is huge and is visible from many different parts in the city – it’s hard to miss. And I’ve come to LOVE this building. Any time I drive anywhere near it, I come close to a collision because I’m simply fascinated with this idea of restoration – the idea of updating the building, restoring its original beauty. During my moments of awe and near-collision, I began to think about the scaffolding. While I've come to think it looks pretty cool, to most, it makes the building look really ugly. However, I realized that it serves as a visual for the building’s future. It may look ugly for the moment, but it’s in the middle of an overhaul, about to be completely revitalized.

This thought moved me a step further. I have been writing a great deal about the church lately. I know, I know… You’re all probably pretty sick of hearing my “woes” about the church. But this is somewhat a continuation of my thoughts on authenticity. As I began to search where my hurt and disgruntled demeanor towards the church stems from, I realized that it’s due to the fact that I don’t believe God’s children have mastered the art of being authentic. The Scriptures provide us with all the ways in which we should live, and to be honest, it can be a little daunting. But instead of saying, “Hey, I don’t really measure up,” we try to mask it with the “I’ve got it all together” façade. I think we’ve become so good at trying to look already restored that we ignore our scaffolding. Plus, it’s ugly… who wants to proudly display it?

We are in a constant state of being renewed and restored – just like the building I drive past regularly. We don’t have it all together. We have scaffolding strapped to both sides, and are in the process of being renewed by our creator. We are being stripped of the old, the destructive, and all that is unwanted. We are being given back that which is missing. And yet, we try to hide the fact that we're there... that we are broken, and in need of restoration. We put sheets over the scaffolding and hide the ladders. We cover up the parts that are currently being worked on, and emphasize the parts that maybe don’t need as much work.

What would happen if we embraced it? What would happen if, like that building, we could be seen, flaws and all, by everyone – Christians and non-Christians alike? What happens if we were willing to restore the brokenness, even if we knew we might once again somewhere down the road be in the same mess all over again? What would the church look like if we allowed ourselves to be seen as a work in process?

Maybe if we were able to let the sheets fall, we might be able to be renewed together.

duck duck goose

Let me introduce you to D – a five year old with one of the biggest pouts known to man, and the most furrowed brow I’ve ever seen a little girl display. She wears this face rather often, and it’s quite a site to behold. One cannot help but laugh when seeing her disgruntled demeanor. However, I find it interesting and yet humbling that this face, her demeanor, taught me one of the greatest lesson’s I’ve learned recently.

D attends a tutoring program I help run. She started the tutoring program pretty late in the game and has only been there a couple times. Yet somehow I managed to be the one to have an interesting interaction with her.

One night, I noticed “the face.” She was sitting in the middle of the gym floor, obviously upset about something. I sat down in front of her, and inquired her about her saddened disposition. With tears streaming down her face, she cried aloud, “No one will play duck, duck, goose with me!” I held back my laughter at her seemingly ridiculous plight. I realized that to a five year old, this was serious business. I pointed out to her that there were many other children playing jump rope and basketball, and encouraged her to join. My advice was met with a strong headshake, and her crossed arms grew tighter. I told her that it doesn’t matter if we really really want something, it might just not be what we get. Obviously, this sort of advice never goes over well with small children. After realizing she would not magically be enlightened by this thought, I went with some good advice my dad gave me – let them come to their own realization. Ask questions.

I looked at D and said, “Are you having fun? Do you like sitting in the middle of the floor crying? Because to me, playing jump rope and basketball looks like a lot of fun, but I don’t know about crying. Crying doesn’t seem like fun… are you having any fun?” She looked at me as though I had just asked her the most stupid question in the world – which I suppose I had. However, it worked. Her demeanor started to change. She suddenly realized that her friends were having way more fun than she was, even though it wasn’t playing duck, duck, goose. I then asked her, “Should we make a good decision and start having fun, instead of sitting here NOT having fun?” At this point, she wiped the tears from her eyes, stood up, and determined we should play basketball.

During my drive home, I snickered thinking about D and the interaction we just had. It was then that my laughter slowly turned into a dreaded realization. I have a friend who used to ask, “Were you just hit by a holy 2x4?” Now, I realize that’s somewhat of a cheesy statement, but it was totally true in this case. It was as if God said, “Oh yeah? Know anyone else who sits on the floor pouting when they don’t get exactly what they want?”

With the holidays upon us, it’s easy for me to be saddened by the fact that I will be spending yet another holiday season single and childless. I can't wait to carry the title "wife" and I hope and pray for the day when I can finally have children to call my own (I especially hope to adopt). And for the past couple weeks leading up to Thanksgiving, I was dreading having to spend the holidays alone. I was like D, sitting in the middle of the floor, pouting, asking God why yet again, I have to do this. And this has not been the only thing on my list. There’s been my car which isn’t 100% satisfactory to me, I don’t have a place of my own, I haven't been able to backpack across Europe yet, and the list goes on. These things that are all such "serious business" to me, of such great desire, probably sound like “No one will play duck, duck, goose with me.”

Then, I thought about this: There are people this holiday season who literally have no one - no family, no friends - no one. There are people who don't have a place to sleep, or a place to eat, or even a place to feel safe. There are people who don't have any transportation, and are required to use their feet to travel many miles. There are people who haven't seen anything other than their neighborhood. When thinking of these things, my simple and somewhat lofty desires seem so unimportant.

I do not mean to say all these things aren’t important – some of them probably are. In fact, I have friends who are struggling to have children, and it is a very serious thing for them. These situations are important to God. But the lesson I learned from D went a bit further. How often do I sit with my arms folded, refusing to engage in all the great things around me just because life didn’t turn out the way I had hoped? Yes, it’s ok to desire things. Yes, it’s ok to be sad when they don’t happen. But what if I’m missing the rest of the riches God has for me because I’m don’t have what I deem as “most important”. What if God has something so much more wonderful to show me in the games of jump rope and basketball?

By no means have I moved beyond the game of duck, duck, goose that my little friend D has… I still have my pouting moments. But the 2x4 definitely left a dent in my head that will be hard to ignore.

stories

Tonight, I was able to hang out with one of my favorite kids - we'll call her K. She's a total blast, and SUPER smart. I love it when I get to spend time with her at tutoring.

We worked our way through math facts and worksheets, she did her reading, and we moved onto one of my favorite activities - writing stories. So, K and I decided we'd each write a story, and then share them with one another. For a frame of reference, K is in 3rd grade, so roughly 8 or 9 years old.

Without further ado, the stories of K & Tory.

The Mouse Who Was Lost
by K

Once upon a time there was a little animal. It was a mouse. The town name was Mousetown. He was lost in a store. He could not find his mother. His mother was a mouse too. He went to the cashier and said can you call my mother up here. Then he left with his mother. Then they lived happy ever after. The end.


Sniffles, then Giggles
by Tory

Once upon a time, there were two princesses named K & T. Both of them were very beautiful and lived in a huge palace. They had a dog named Sniffles who always had a cold. He would sneeze and sneeze and sneeze and no one knew why. One day, K and T tickled him so hard he stopped sneezing, but couldn't stop laughing. They changed his name to Giggles instead. The end.


I love stories.


(image taken from www.stickergirl.com)

kids

Recently, I have been thinking about my job and how much I love the kids that I work with. There are times where I don't know how I feel about my job, but it's the kids that make it totally worthwhile. Seriously, the times I get to interact with them are so special. I absolutely love when I get the "Miss Tory, come here I want to tell you something!" and get a whispered secret. Or a little hand that slips into mine. Or getting to read a book with them, teach them Bible verses, or just play with them. I cherish the moments I get to spend with them.

However, there are also times when it's really hard. There are times when I hear stories of how tough their loves are - the things they have to see at such a young age, the things they have to hear, experience... things they shouldn't have to face at such a young age. So many of them are asked to grow up way too quickly. And some of them don't have a lot of the conveniences we have either. I recently got ringworm - kinda gross, I know. But I was thinking about what I had to pay to treat it. Granted, it seemed somewhat cheap to me. Being without insurance, I was glad I didn't have to pay $60-80 for a doctor's appointment. However, it made me wonder how many families that I work with couldn't even afford to pay what I did for treatment, and how many kids have to go without treatment.

There are times where I find myself wanting to help them all... I want to make sure they have food to eat, good clothes to wear, and maybe even a few toys so they can enjoy their childhood while they have it. But I know I can't help them all... I don't have the means to provide for them all...

But that is why I LOVE the fact that I get to spend time with them. I love the fact that I can give them hugs, pat them on the back, and hold their hands - even if it means that I get ringworm. I love the fact that I can help them learn their numbers, their letters, how to say please and thank you, and even give them a little bit of structure. I've realized that even though I can't provide for them with tangible items, that I can love them to pieces and let them know what great kids they are.

Yay for kids.

dare

I don't really believe in omens, or signs, or any of that superstitious stuff... However, I do find it interesting that the one topic I cannot seem to get a grasp on and have been avoiding for about 2 years, has raised its head in a few interesting and significant ways this week.

The topic: Church.

My friend Joshua started a photographic community on his blog. How it works is that he comes up with some sort of topic, and then asks his readers to send him pictures that follow the chosen theme. His most recent theme was "I am the church." He is in the process of preparing a sermon about the church, and what exactly "the church" is. He writes, "I am the church. You are the church. The people are the church. The building is not the church. The music style isn't the church. The doughnuts and coffee aren't the church. We don't go to church. We are the church. We are the hands and feet of Christ." Many of his readers are from different countries, so he asked for people to submit their photos with the phrase "I am the church" in their native tongue. Pretty sweet, if you ask me.

I had missed the first photo community opportunity, and did not want to miss submitting something for this one. However, here's the irony of it all...

A couple of weeks ago, I decided to attend Epikos. For those of you who are unfamiliar with Milwaukee, or do not know what Epikos is, it's a church plant (through the Baptist General Conference) on the East Side of Milwaukee. It meets right in the heart of UWM town, and is surrounded by the "artsy" folk. I have been to this church gathering quite a few times in the past, and haven't really felt as "connected" as I would have hoped. However, I also never really gave it much of a chance. After a service a couple of weeks ago, I felt really challenged about how I so quickly brushed it off. What you must know about Epikos is, it feels VERY similar to another community I was a part of - a community that fell apart at the seams and was really hard to watch collapse. I didn't and am still not sure I want to be a part of something that feels so similar to that. However, I felt that comparison was really unfair to the Epikos community, as well as the pastor, and so I sent an email to Danny - the pastor of Epikos, apologizing for my "write-off."

Danny and I decided to meet up for coffe to discuss "my journey." While it felt a bit like a psychiatric visit, it was also really good for me to talk about my experiences in ministry, and my frustrations with "the church." I explained to him how my head and my heart have been mutilated by the things "the church" has done not only to me, but more so to other people whom I love very much. It has been incredibly hard for me to see "the church" as the bride of Christ - something that is loved and cherished by God. However, as I talked with Danny, I realized I had a lot to work through, and I had to realize that I can no longer look at "them" and say "the church" as if I'm somehow not a part of it. If I am a Christ-follower, that means I am a part of the collective "church." I cannot seperate myself from it.

As I was setting up some stuff to work on for this photo project of Joshua's, I struggled with whether or not I should even do it. Do I really believe the picture I am creating? Do I really believe that I am the church? And can I really have such anger and frustration with the people we call "church," when I myself am just as much a part of it as the next person? As I looked through the pictures I took, I really had to think long and hard about how I felt, and whether or not I could stand behind the statement "I am the church."

Then, as I was driving home today, I had an interesting experience. For those of you who know me, you know that I absolutely LOVE lightning. For whatever reason, I feel really close to God when I'm amidst a storm, and today I drove home through a pretty ugly one. Lightning and thunder, sleet and snow... It was nasty. But for some reason, I felt really close to God. Here's where we come to the "I don't believe in omens" part. I really don't believe in them, I promise, but this struck me as interesting...

I had my iPod on shuffle, and the song "Dare You to Move" by Switchfoot came on. Now, I've heard that song a thousand times before. The radio stations here played it until the public finally cried "Uncle!" But tonight, I was struck with the lines of the chorus: "I dare you to move/ I dare you to move/ I dare you pick yourself up off the floor." In those words, in that moment, I felt such a strong sense that I simply need to move. I need to take that risk again, and invest in the beauty (and at times, ugliness) of those around me - the church. I need to risk the hurt, the pain, and everything ugly that comes with a bunch of broken people. I need to lean on them, and let them lean on me, even if it means at one point, we let the other one fall.

My brother once made an interesting comment to me. He said, "God can't steer the car if it's in park." Now granted, I'm not making a statement about the sovereignty of God. If he really wanted the parked car to move, he could totally do it. However, I love the idea behind his statement. God can't direct me/guide me if I'm not even moving.

I dare you to move.

I dare you to love my church again.

I dare you to BE the church.

I've still got a long way to go in this journey, but I'm now at least feeling an urge to move... Instead of staying parked where I am, dwelling in only the ugliness I see in the church, I will move forward, and strive to see past it - to see the beauty that can only come through brokeness.

(To see more of the "I am the church" photographic community project, visit www.thelongbrake.com.)

beck

As many of you know, music is a HUGE passion of mine, and I take it very seriously... However, I love it when artists are able to NOT be so serious about music, and just enjoy themselves, making music that is fun and entertaining...

Justin, a friend I met through Relevant Magazine, posted this video on his myspace blog today (THANKS, JUSTIN!). I was so unbelievably amused (as I am with most things Beck touches) and thought I'd share this with all of you. It's Beck's performance on SNL a couple weeks ago.

It made my heart happy...

questions

Have you ever reached a point in your life where you simply said to yourself "I don't get it..." but you so desperately wanted to "get it"?

When I was in elementary school, I was a math whiz. We'd have timed tests, and I always faired pretty well. Granted, I was rarely the first one done, but my scores would have made any parent proud. As I approached junior high, and started to learn algebra, geometry and trigonometry, math proved to be no harder than elementary school. I was homeschooled, making my way through a book by a well-known organization known for being good, but somewhat tough material. Junior high math proved to be fairly painless, and I felt ready to take on high school math. I had a wretched Algebra 1 class, setting me up for what would be one of the worst acedemic paths of my life. I didn't get it. Math was so easy for me as a kid, but I couldn't do an Algebra problem to save my life. I did poorly in Algebra 1, barely made my way through Geometry, and nearly failed Algebra 2. When I reached college, I had to take an Algebra class. At that point, I didn't get it, but I didn't care. I hated it with every bone in my body, and knew I was headed for trouble. I also knew that another math course lurked around the corner. However, after 2 takes of Algebra, and 2 takes of Statistics, I was done with math, raising my hands to the sky and praising the Lord with my whole being. No more "I don't get it" statements... Well, at least as far as math is concerned.

I was thinking about my math struggles the other day. There were so many moments where I said, "I don't get it." Math made no sense to me, and it just wasn't connecting in my brain. However, the interesting thing was that I didn't care. I didn't care if I ever knew what a variable was, or if I could differentiate between statistics. I simply didn't get it, and didn't care.

I have been struggling a great deal in my faith lately. As many of you know, I've had a couple rough church situations in my life time. My faith in community has been bruised over time, and I'm not totally sure it's anywhere close to healing. Lately though, I've come across a few questions in my spiritual journey where I've simply said "God, I don't get it." I've come across things that make absolutely no sense to me, that don't click in my brain. However, here's the difference: This time, I do care that I don't "get it."

I've found myself in a state of deep frustration, where I've questioned a lot, doubted more than usual, and have even argued a bit with God. I've talked about my love for questions. I absolutely love to ask people questions, including God. I remember reading Job, and it scared me away from questioning God for a very long time. But I believe questions are good. I believe they help us move past the "I don't get it" and onto a deeper understanding.

I remember in my first attempt at college Algebra. I sat there dumbfounded by how much I didn't know as a 19 year old. I was so embarrased that I couldn't do a simple Algebraic equation. Because of my embarrassment, I didn't ask any questions. What I realized is, that by not asking any questions, I didn't get any answers. I just continued with my "I don't get it" mentality, resulting in round 2 of College Algebra.

I'm at a point in my life right now where I don't get it - I don't get why things are they way they are, and I have a LOT of questions. But I believe that the questions are good. I imagine they will play a vital role in my moving past this stage.

I can't wait for the day when I can say, "Ok, this is now starting to make more sense."

(image by theRIAA @ www.sxc.hu)

paste

Zach Braff graces the cover of Paste Magazine's October issue. He talks about his latest movie "Last Kiss" and his future plans doing all the crazy things he does. I love the tag on the cover of the magazines that says, "Zach of all trades: Zach Braff is the quadruple threat. He writes. He directs. He's the 'Floating Head Doctor.' And he helps the Shins change your life."

And speaking of music, the mag comes with a sampler CD with some pretty stellar artists. Artists such as: The Decemberists, Amos Lee, Sparklehorse, Ben Kweller, Ani Defranco, and other artists I was unfamiliar with but have come to enjoy.

So check out the October issue of Paste Magazine, and get yourself some good tunes.
It's worth the $7.95 you pay for it.

(Picture taken from www.pastemagazine.com)

writing

As you may have noticed, my blog has been lacking decent writing as of late. I have only been writing about work, with a few music/movie suggestions thrown it. While that is all well and good, and I'm excited about my job and the new things I've been listening to and watching, these are not the things I always want to write about, or even how I want my writing to look. However, as I've mentioned briefly before, I'm having a really hard time focusing on writing. I'm having a hard time getting to the things I really want to write about, and I'm also not dedicating the kind of time to writing as a writer should. I should be writing every day. I'm lucky if I write once a week.

I've come to a big realization - I've not been writing for the pleasure of writing, I've not be writing in order to strengthen my skills, I've not been writing because I have something really great I want to share...

I've only been writing because I want to be able to say "I'm a writer." I write because I feel like I SHOULD be writing. I write to impress. I want to wow people with my words. Here's the problem... If I write to fit some sort of mold, or because I feel like it's something I HAVE to do, I'll come to resent it. I won't (and don't) always impress. I won't always wow. There won't always be people who want to read my work.

What needs to drive me is my love for writing, which is something I think that I've lost sight of. I've recently had a couple discussions with people I admire greatly for their creativity, ability to write, and their wisdom when it comes to writing. What I've learned is that I've become an impatient writer. I expect to write well the minute I sit down to write. But as with most things in life, it takes time and discipline. It takes time to get through the junk, it takes fragments of thoughts, lists, random sentences, and unfinished ideas before you get to the good stuff. It takes lots of writing then scratching, editing, re-writing, researching, dreaming, imagination...

Maybe that's the heart of my problem... I've lost my ability to search my imagination, my ability to dream. I've lost my drive to find new things, go on new adventures, and seek out the unknown. I can't seem to create those places, those people, or those ideas in my mind anymore. Instead it's been replaced with laziness, busyness, work, and the everday commonalities that distract from the brilliance that lays beneath it all.

So my blog may be a work in progress. It may look pretty ugly over the next few months as I spend time doing more private writing, and less public writing. It might be fairly fragmented, filled with unfinished thoughts and ideas. It may not even look any different at first... But hopefully, it will begin to change over time into something I can say I took great joy in creating...

far away

It's been a while since I've created a playlist to share with you all. I had a really hard time creating a playlist this evening for whatever reason. Maybe it's all the new music I've come across and had recommended to me. Maybe it's my strong affection towards music I've owned for quite some time now. But in any case, here is the new playlist called "Far Away" that I've created. It was inspired. That's all you need to know about it.

Far Away

"Tech Romance" - Her Space Holiday
"Chocolate" - Snow Patrol
"Coney Island" - Death Cab For Cutie
"Hum" - Electric President
"One and Only" - Teitur
"The Fear You Won't Fall" - Joshua Radin
"Sundress (Acoustic)" - Ben Kweller
"Remember to Breath" - Dashboard Confessional
"A Lack of Color" - Death Cab For Cutie
"Look After You" - The Fray
"Sewn (Radio Edit)" - The Feeling
"Green Grass of Tunnel" - Mum
"An Accidental Memory In The Case of Death" - Eluvrium

I can't get enough of the last song. It's just plain piano music, but it's absolutely beautiful, and I love it. So this is it... What's currently tickling my ears.

Love it.

Hate it.

Ignore it.

I love it.

All that matters.

I {heart} today

Today was a great day.

There is no amazing story, no really great moment... just an all around good day.

First of all, I woke up late. Now, most people would consider this a bad start to the day. However, I called my boss to tell him I'd be late, and he couldn't have been any cooler about it. I walked out the front door when the warm air immediately encompassed me. The sun was shining, and the weatherman told me it was going to be 80 degrees. 80 degrees on October 2. Brilliant.

While the kids were a bit squirrely at work today, I had a great day. I was able to accomplish a fair amount of work.

Enter post-work funness.

My good friend Sarah and I decided to meet up for dinner. I drove over to the east side of Milwaukee, and we walked to the new Whole Foods that was just built. For those of you who are not familiar with Whole Foods, it's a whole lot of organic goodness. However, despite the fact that they have amazing amounts of food bars, we decided to head to Beans & Barley instead, one of my favorite restaurants in Milwaukee. We sat outside on the patio, and enjoyed the thunderstorm as it began to roll in. We then headed to my favorite coffee shop (Alterra) and walked home just as the lightning started to strike.

On our walk home, we stood at the top of a hill overlooking Lake Michigan. The sky was dark, the wind was blowing, and you could hear the sound of the waves lapping and leaves dancing across the ground. It was beautiful.

As I drove home, the thunderstorm began to pick up... I rolled my window down, allowing the wind to fill my little car. I listened to "Lightning" - a song that is on Counting Crow's demo CD, and "Transatlanticism" by Death Cab for Cutie - my favorite song by them and a song I can listen to over and over.

That's when the rain let loose... When I got out of my car, I couldn't help but stand and let the rain have it's way with me. It was a great moment... I need to do that more often.

I am now at home, enjoying some missed television. Has anybody been watching Studio 60?
Good stuff...

I {heart} today.
It's been a while since I've enjoyed a day as much as I did today.

sos

The other day, a friend of mine was telling me about some movie that was coming out. She said it had the word "sleep" in it, but couldn't remember the actual title. I hadn't heard of any movie with the word "sleep" in it... until today.

I was watching a recorded episode of "Scrubs" when on comes this commercial for a movie entitled "The Science of Sleep." I noticed it had the guy from "Motorcycle Diaries" in it, and found it to be slightly amusing at first. Then, I heard it... A film by Michel Gondry.

I've written about my love for Michel Gondry before. The most obvious example is "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind" - a movie I bought even before it was out in stores (I've got the hook-up at The Exclusive Company!) However, what first got me into Michel Gondry's work was his work with music videos. The first time I saw the video for The White Stripes "Fell In Love With A Girl" I was hooked. Also, some of you may have seen his work with other artists such as Bjork, Kylie Minogue, Beck, Hot Hot Heat, Kanye West, and other artists.

Gondry's use of stop motion is so cool... Even though I have an extreme dislike for Jan Svankmeyer films (who is well known for his use for stop motion) and he somewhat tainted my feelings about stop motion, I think that Gondry does a good job with it and uses it tastefully.

I'm really, really excited about "The Science of Sleep" - even though I was pretty late finding out about it. Thanks to my friend who SORT OF gave me a heads up!

You can see the trailer here.

You can visit "The Science of Sleep" interactive website by going here.

The movie comes out this Friday at the Oriental Theater...

I'm excited!

personal

I find it interesting... I struggle to write blog entries when I have a lot of things consuming my thought life, especially when those things are extremely personal. The same goes for writing articles for Relevant Magazine's website - I can't seem to write them when the stuff I'm going through is too personal. You'd think "tough stuff" like that would generate some good writing material... However, I wonder if the thought of having a lot of people - those close to me, and those not so close to me, reading things that are very deep and personal is the very thing that is paralyzing me.

I've journaled a little bit about it, but have you ever had those moments where some of your own thoughts are scary to you to the point of not being sure what happens if you speak them or write them out? Where you're like, "Why in the world am I thinking that way?" or "Where did that thought come from?" Don't worry, they're nothing extremely terrible. But they are just thoughts that I'm struggling to get rid of, struggling to work through, and it's causing a bit of a writer's block for me to post here.

So thanks for being patient with me. Hopefully, I'll be able to post some more in the near future... Gotta work through some more of these thoughts though first.

nothing

Hey folks... Sorry I haven't been writing much lately. Typically, I love to write blog entries, and write about what's going on in my life. However, I don't want to always write about work, and that seems to be what's consuming my thoughts as of late. I haven't really had a whole lot else going on... Therefore, I haven't had much to write about.

I will keep brainstorming about a good topic to write about. However, I didn't want to be MIA for much longer, so I thought I'd write a random post about nothing really... Just little tidbits from my life.

Movies I want to see:
"Last Kiss" with Zach Braff
"Half Nelson" with Ryan Gosling
"All The Kings Men" with Sean Penn
"The Prestige" - with Christian Bale

(oh, and by the way, I think I'm at like movie #30 on my list from the summer)

Fall Shows I'm excited about:
Lost - I seriuosly cannot wait for the season to start!
Gilmore Girls
Scrubs - I can now get caught up with it being in re-runs

Music I've been listening to:
Joshua Radin
Mum - Thanks to Longbrake for the suggestion
Snow Patrol - I was late getting on that bandwagon... good stuff
Get - a band I found on MySpace

Fun things happening this weekend:
Going apple picking with my mom this morning
Tailgating with Cataldo & friends for her birthday
Lazy Sunday (and I don't mean the SNL sketch)

Ok crazyees... that's it for now... I promise to post a more interesting post sometime in the near future.

nemesis

So, a while back, there was this little invention called "Myspace" where people could meet new friends from all over the globe. However, what if making new friends is not really what you're all about? What if instead of making friends, you could make enemies...

"Myspace was created so that friends could keep in touch with each other, but until Nemesis Village came along, there has never been a place for enemies to keep in touch with each other and meet new nemeses...until now..."

I heard about this new thing that's coming to the web - Nemesis Village. Imagine if you will, a sort of "virtual fight club." The project is very hush hush right now, and is still under construction, but it will function as a network of enemies, archrivals, nemeses, and pretty much any other word you want to come up with for it. Apparently, it has rigorous tests one must go through in order to be accepted as a "villager." However, the little information I have is a bit sketchy, so enter at your own risk.

As I mentioned before, the site isn't fully functioning yet... but keep checking back for the dawn of a new era...

Click here to visit the village...

curveball

Well, as always... Life threw a curveball. As it ended up, I didn't get to meet any of the teens tonight. It was kind of a sad reason - one of our staff had a family emergency. But at the same time, I couldn't help but laugh at the fact that I'd been worried all week, and then it didn't even happen...

I'm so good at worrying...
Maybe this was just one of the many lessons to come in working towards NOT worrying.

teenagers

Today I finish the first week of my new job. Have no fear, I will not chronicle every day I work there... Just this first week. However, I felt like today might be a good "before and after" post. I don't have to be to work until 2pm today because I've already put in enough hours for the week. However, today is the day I've been nervous about all week.

I'm definitely the kind of person who much prefers somewhat structured social settings, especially when it comes to meeting new people. For me, if I am involved in some sort of activity, I like to have a "job" to do... I guess that's just how I'm wired. I thrive in situations where I can be working on something and interacting with people at the same time. But when it's a situation where I just have to "be" and not "do," I tend to struggle a bit more... and that's what today will bring me.
Enter: The teenagers

As a part of my job, I will be a part of what's called the Teen Drop-in Center. It serves as a place where teens can come to hang out in a safe place. The thing is, I don't really have a responsibility other than to just "hang out" with them.

Up until this point, I've pretty much been dealing with kids ages 5-8. Little kids are really easy for me to connect with, and so up until this point, it's been pretty fun meeting a bunch of them. However, jr. high and high school is a whole different ballgame. They're much more picky about who they choose to associate with, they have more expectations of people, and they don't always want an "old" person hanging around them, especially one who's supposed to be considered an "authority" figure.

Tonight, I will have to stretch way beyond my comfort zone, and I'm really nervous. You'd think with having worked with both jr. high and high school in the past, I'd be totally ready for this. But this is a different situation, on multiple levels. Theoretically, I know it probably won't be that bad. I'm even hoping it'll be a total blast. But there's still that part of me that fears the unknown and is nervous for the teenagers to arrive.

I will try to post again tonight AFTER the event... Hopefully, it'll be an entry telling of great interactions and amazing conversations.

(image found here.)