signal fire

Not too long ago, I posted a video by Matisyahu. Today, I have a video I'd like to share with those of you that haven't seen it. It's "Signal Fire" by Snow Patrol - a song that is featured in the new Spiderman movie.

Can I just tell you how much I love this video? Maybe it's because I love kids, and think that anything involving kids pretty much rocks. Maybe it's because I like plays, and think it was a clever way to display the song.

Or maybe it's because I sympathize with the little kid who plays the spider... feeling like you're watching from the sidelines, not getting to be a part of things... and yet wanting it so badly. I often feel that way.

Anyway, here is the video for your enjoyment. Let me know what you think.

sunshine

It has been a long time since I've written an entry on here. I'm not totally sure why that is. There is part of me that has gained a great fear in sharing my life journey openly and honestly with anyone who stumbles upon it. There is another part of me that feels like the happenings of my life are not worth detailing. And there is another part of me that just doesn't know how to eloquently display it.

However, I had a thought tonight and decided it might be worth sharing. While I watched as the earth swallowed the sun, I was slightly saddened that the beautiful sun which had provided me with great warmth and joy, was going away. A great shadow set over my heart as the life-giving sunshine made it's bed for the night, and drifted slowly behind its covers. However, as I sat and watched the last flames of the sunset fade into night, I realized something - this phenomenon happens every day. The sun rises and the sun sets every single day, whether I witness it or not. Everyday, we are given light, even it if it is overshadowed by storm clouds. Everyday, we are given warmth, even if the harsh winter only allows the warmth to reach 10 degrees. Everyday, without fail, the earth revolves, allowing the sun to once again visit our portion of the sphere.

Sometimes it is SO easy for me to forget that... That every day, it starts over again. Every morning, the sunshine returns. That no matter what I do - whether I sleep until noon and miss the sunrise, the thunderclouds roll in, or a blizzard is hiding its existence, the sun is there...

There have been a lot of changes in my life over the past six months. Some of these changes are amazing, and I'm eternally grateful to be blessed by those changes. Other changes have beaten me up, kicked me around, and broken my heart.

Some of my days have been sunny - so much so, I've been required to close my eyes and just basque in the warmth and light. Other days have been so dark that I forget the sunshine even exists...and other days, I want nothing to do with it.

But tonight, while I was sad that the earth had swallowed the sun, I was reminded that the morning would again spew forth it's light... I was reminded that while I sleep, someone else will be able to revel all the beauty and glory I experienced today through the sun's wonderful existence, and that in a matter of hours, this life-giving force would return to my side.

Help me to recognize the sunshine... even when I can't see it.

jerusalem

I love Matisyahu... for many reasons. I just totally dig his music. And while I like the original version of his song "Jerusalem" better than the remix, I love this video... so I thought I'd share it with you all.

Take a gander...

emotion

Do you ever wonder just how emotional God is?

Being a female, I am no stranger to strong emotions. And I believe that I may even be a bit more on the over-emotional side. I used to think of it as a curse. There are still some days that I think of it in this way. I know that there are nights where I cry myself to sleep, and wonder why in the world we as humans were given such strong emotions. I've even had some pretty crazy arguments with God over the topic, wondering why he allows us to feel such pain.

However, as I begin to really search deep into this idea of emotions, I can't help but wonder how emotion-filled God is. I mean, after all, we were created in his image, right? I remember the first time someone told me that they are excited to some day hear God laugh. God laughs, I thought? That seemed like a strange idea to me. But as I began to unpack that idea, and I looked around at all the farcical things that exist in life, I came to realize that I do believe God has a sense of humor. I've even been known to thank him for that attribute in the middle of corporate prayer.

But that opens up a pandora's box of thoughts for me... what other emotions might God feel, and how strongly does he feel them? I think that so often, it's easy for me to put God in this small box, where he's good for a few things. He's good at telling me what to do in life, good at making my sins known, good at letting me know He's in control, and good at blessing me with the things in life that I need, and sometimes (not all the time) with the things that I want.

However, I forget that God is a God filled with emotion. All throughout the scriptures, you see a God that passionately pursues his people. You see an God who is sorrow-stricken over the state of his people. You see a God who wants the best for his people, who wants to release them from whatever is weighing them down... You see a God who guides people. You see a God who has mercy on people. You see a God who doesn't put up with any crap... a very firm God. Loyalty. Faithful. Sad. Joyous. Giving. Loving. You see a God who is so sacrificial that He gives away His most prized possession...

And yet, so often, I think God is this emotionless, distant, thing (yes, I often think of Him as a thing... Sometimes it's hard for me to wrap my head around what he really is). And yet, if I really take the time to consider who God is, it's amazing how much he really has created us in His own image.

joy, part whatever

I've done this numerous times before, but I think it's a healthy ritual. Over the past couple of weeks, I've really been struggling with a lot of different things. Some of them are legitimate, and are allowed genuine emotion. And some of these things I've just taken too seriously, and have gotten way too bent out of shape over.

Sometimes it's so easy for me, in the midst of my emotions, struggles, fears, frustrations, etc. to forget about all the things in life I have to be joyful about. There are so many things around me that I'm blessed to have, and I so easily take them for granted.

So, in order to help me sort of put things in perspective, and in looking towards changing my demeanor and attitude as of late, I've listed 25 things that I take joy in. These are not the obvious things I have to be joyful about (having shelter, food to eat, clothing to wear, air to breath), but rather the small, unique things that happen... the stuff that's easy to miss at times.

Here we go... yet another "joys" list...


1. "Polkabats and Octopus Slacks" - one of my favorite children's books
2. hugs from Tina... and just hugs in general!
3. naps
4. getting to see the greatest little kids in the world every single day
5. sidewalk chalk - I can't wait until it gets warmer!
6. holga cameras
7. mid-afternoon Scrabble games at a coffee shop
8. coffee (it gets it's own slot)
9. friends who tell me their baking a pie at 9 in the morning
10. hearing stories about the Lazarus house
11. watching my brother's unusual creative endeavors (usually involving Drew)
12. reminscing about childhood
13. swings
14. watching Elijah and Meira Kalbas grow up
15. finding tulips on your desk when you get to work
16. fun, pop-punk music
17. meeting random, but warm and accepting strangers
18. banana pancakes
19. catching up with old friends over Jimmy Johns
20. brainstorms
21. photo projects (365, 5 min, cream city walks)
22. turtles... cause really, they're just too cute. I miss Tripod.
23. driving in the car, windows down, listening to good tunes
24. going for walks at night... Seriously, one of my favorite things in the world.
25. deep conversations with good friends about life

significance

I've been struggling lately with the idea of significance. It's an interesting concept to me, this idea of "being important." And I'm not just talking about "Am I important?" but rather, wondering what makes something important and significant.

Follow me if you will, down this little rabbit trail of thought...

The world is painted with hierarchies... Every where you look, there is some natural order of importance. In the workplace, there are employees, who have supervisors or bosses, who also have supervisors or bosses, until we get all the way up to the president - the top dog of the company. He's the decision maker, the idea man, and everyone looks to him for the answers. At church, there are your average church goers, and then there are deacons/elders and then there is the pastor. School's are even structured with this sort of top-dog mentality. Take a look at any high school and you'll see the seniors dominating, and the freshmen getting stuffed into lockers. Everywhere you look, there's some sort of order of importance.

I've seen this spill over into my own thoughts about life, and in trying to figure out what is important, and what should be dismissed as insignificant. For example... Let's say I get into a car accident (please know, this is COMPLETELY hypothetical). I'm fine, but my car is pretty messed up. This rocks my world a bit as it puts a huge financial strain on my life. It seems significant to me because in the realm of my own experiences, it is a hardship. However, if I were to compare it with the hardships of someone let's say living in Darfur, or who was a victim of the tsunami we had a few years ago, or someone who is homeless, or parentless... My situation seems insignificant and unimportant. It is just a car - just a possession that can be replaced. Should I really be that concerned about it? Should it cause me as much stress and anxiety as it does? Am I being ridiculous for feeling the way I do?

I struggle with this idea of significance because of the hierarchies that exist all over the world... Someone, somewhere, in some time will always have a situation that is worse off than mine - I am pretty sure I will never be at the bottom of the totem pole. However, where does that leave me? How much am I allowed to validate my feelings towards a situaion? Where does one draw the line between valuable and insignificant?

I think there is a lot of guilt that comes with emotions. I also think that religious people have added a great deal to this mentality. I can remember growing up, always feeling pressured to have a smile on my face, and be ready to answer with "I'm great." Just recently, a co-worker of mine answered my "How are you doing?" question with that very answer. I looked at him and said, "Don't lie. It's ok to say you're not ok. You don't have to tell me what you think I want to hear." Another interaction I had was with a 5 year old little girl who was sad that her cousin got a birthday present and she didn't. We needed to encourage her to not throw a fit, but I refused to tell her she couldn't be sad. In fact, I assured her that it was ok to be sad, but that her actions needed to look a little different.

I think so often, we're asked to push past our emotions, and begin the healing process without really ever sorting them out. I'm not sure we even know HOW to sort them out. I know so many people who go to counseling because they've never really been tought how to sort out their emotions. I've never really been taught how to sort out my emotions. And I also think there is a lot of pressure to devalidate our struggles and trials simply because they do not match the dire situations a portion of the world finds themselves in.

I've come to this point in my life where there are a LOT of things going on in my head and my heart, and I'm not quite sure what to do with them. I'm trying to sort out the significant from the insignifcant, and trying to figure out what's valid and what isn't.

Even this blog post...significant, or just some ridiculous ramblings?

kickball

Imagine this: You're outside at recess. There's green grass that's just begging to be played on. Today, it's kickball. The captains are picked, and the rest of the children line up, awaiting their fate. The first two names are picked - they're the fastest runners. The next two names are picked - they've got strong arms for throwing. The next child is picked, then the next, then the next... You're standing there waiting...waiting for that moment when your name is called.

It looks as though your fate will soon be decided. However, you realize, as you look around you, that every other kid has been picked, and you're standing there teamless and alone. You're not the fastest runner, and your throwing skills are sub par. You look longingly at both captains, praying one of them will excitedly say your name and happily welcome you to the team. Instead, you are met with confused faces and an argument about who has to take the last kid standing. You realize that the last kid standing they're talking about is you. Neither team wants you. You're not what they're looking for. You don't meet their standards. Finally, one of the captains reluctantly picks you, just so that the game can begin. But you know, if they had had the option... they would have sent you home.

I hate the game of kickball.

(Image found at http://thinklab.typepad.com/think_lab/images/kickball.jpg)

love

It's interesting how you can find love in unexpected places...

As we head into a day known for celebrating "love" I thought I'd share how I felt "loved" today. They are simple stories - nothing profound - but they are moments that made my heart leap with joy.

I help oversee a tutoring program where I work, working mostly with K5-5th grade. I love them all dearly, and they are some of the greatest kids in the world! Well, today, as I was getting out of my car and heading into work, I saw a group of these children who come to the Mission for a weekly bible study. One of the 5th graders - Q - cheerfully greeted me and came over to give me a hug. Now, you must realize, Q and I have a good relationship - we get along pretty well. But Q is somewhat of a tough kid, someone I never really imagined to be a hugger. Therefore, that hug meant more to me than most hugs. I felt so honored that he had given me one.

Story #2 that melts my heart... L is a 1st grader, and was not able to attend tutoring last semester. However, her mother figured out a way for her to attend this semester after L had been asking non-stop when she could return to tutoring. So, today was L's first day back. She approached me and said, "Miss Tory, I got to come back!" She had such excitement in her voice! I squatted down so that I was level with her and said, "We're so excited to have you back!'' She threw her arms around my neck and gave me a big hug. She said, "I'm so glad you're here!" and I whispered back to her, "I'm so glad YOU'RE here, L!" As we finished with our hug, she ended our interaction with, "I'm so glad we're ALL here!" Seriously... my heart was in one big puddle on the floor.

Story #3 - D was upset about something... I could see it in the way she carried herself, and that she didn't have her normal smiley demeanor. I asked her what was wrong, and she just covered up her face. I bent down so that I could better make eye contact with her, but she refused to let me see her face. Upon asking her a second time what was wrong, she just fell forward, and buried her head into my shoulder. I gave her a hug, and even though I knew she wouldn't tell me what was wrong, I tried to assure her things would be ok. I tried to spark a little interest by telling her we had a Valentine's craft to do... She seemed to perk up a little, but then just kinda fell back into me. I gave her one last hug, and told her we needed to head to her class. She seemed to be doing better, and was willing to join the rest of her class. While this wasn't the most endearing moment, I felt so priveleged to be the one she sort of let her guard down with. Even though she didn't tell me what was wrong, working through it together seemed to help.

The kids were overly affectionate today, and I was greeted with such great excitement by many of them. It made my heart so happy to see them today.

It's so cool to me that even though I don't have someone significant in my life to share this holiday with, even though I've been single for almost my entire life, and sometimes I want so badly to meet someone, fall in love, and get married... That God provides me with other ways of feeling loved and fulfilled. The kids I get to see every week - many that come from hurt and broken families - have so much love to give, it's unreal. Sometimes I'm amazed by them.

And today, they captured my heart!

shoot

I love to shoot pictures. I've always been into looking at photographs, and have even tried my hand at taking them. My love for photography started in high school when I first came across Scott Mutter's photography. I loved how he spliced photos together. I took a class in college, trying to awaken the photographer within me, but mostly, I ended up taking more goofy pictures than anything. These days, I seem to be into it quite a bit more. Unfortunately, I don't have the greatest equipment, or the most patience in the world. However, every now and then, you just gotta push past all the negatives in hopes of gaining something positive. Such was the case on Sunday.

My friend Simon and I have been doing this self-portrait project now for roughly 30 days. We're only 1/12 of the way into it. However, there have been a couple times where Simon has challenged me to other photo endeavors. We did one a couple of weeks ago where we had 5 minutes with our camera to shoot as many photos we could of whatever we wanted. We then had 1 hour to process them (using whatever Photoshop tools we desired) and then had to post them to our Flickr site. It was an interesting project... I didn't realize how hard it would be to shoot really good shots in only 5 minutes. But it was a lot of fun, and I feel I learned a bit.

Sunday was another day for a photo project. Originally, our other partner in crime - Johanna - was supposed to join us, but ended up not being able to. We were supposed to do a photo walk outside in downtown Milwaukee, but seeing as how it was below zero, we decided to stay indoors. Because we couldn't really think of a good location to shoot indoors, we decided to take pictures where we work.

At first, I found it a little challenging to think creatively about the place I see every single day, 40 hours a week. Looking at all the offices, the classrooms, the floors I have to sweep and mop, the hallways I have to vacuum... it's hard to imagine how these places can be artistic.

But, after a while, I started to get into it a little bit more. It turned out to be a fairly fun photo shoot, and I got a couple pictures I liked.

Here are some of the photos I got:

21 down

Well friends, I thought I'd give you an update on the 365 day photo project. We just finished with week 3 - 21 photos down. It's been interesting. There are days where I feel really creative and really proud of the idea/photo I came up with. There are other days where I question if I even have the gift of creativity. There are days where I LOVE how my photo turns out, and there are days where I despise how I look in every single shot. There are days when I am so unbearably tired that the thought of having to take my picture makes me want to cry. There are days when I take so many pictures and have so many ideas, but can only post one shot of for the day.

The thing that I'm finding to be the best part about the whole thing is the relationships I'm building with my other partners in crime - Simon and Johanna. It's been a lot of fun to talk about the project with them. I love having people who challenge me creatively.

And here's probably what I'm most excited about - we're going to be making a book out of it. Like, a real book, not just a scrapbook. Simon's dad has the ability to print good quality books, and we think he'll print us a book. I'm pretty stoked. I'm also going to put together a DVD with all 365 of my pictures together as sort of my "living portfolio" for a year-long art project.

So that's where we're at... We're now entering week four. There haven't been TOO many nights where I've struggled to come up with ideas, but I'm sure as time goes on, it'll get harder and harder.

You can check out our project here:
www.flickr.com/groups/365alive

Or if you just want to see my photos, you can go here:
www.flickr.com/photos/rainofwonder

wait

Dear God,

I've got a bone to pick with you. Ok, maybe not a bone to pick, but I definitely have a question for you. What's the scoop behind this idea of "waiting"? I realize that supposedly, waiting brings growth. That in moments of "wait" we learn a lot about ourselves and about you. It is often times in those moments that we have the ability to gain perspective. However, it is also in those moments that we can become disheartened, weakened, hopeless and faithless. Often times, if the period of "wait" lasts too long, we lose steam. I think about David in the Psalms where it says, "I waited patiently for the Lord, he inclined and heard my cry..." David waited patiently, and you responded. But what about those times where we wait, and wait, and wait... to a point where we think you may not respond? What does a person do when it seems like all they ever do is "wait"? What do I do if I can't wait any longer?

I've had numerous conversations with friends lately about how hard it is to wait - whether it be waiting on a job opportunity, to move into a house, to get married, to find a church, or fill the blank with a plethora of statements. Waiting seems to happen all over the place. We wait to see the doctor. We wait to get healthy. We wait for our tax return to come. We wait to see how a relationship pans out. We wait to feel filled up, renewed, and restored.

But what does a person do when the waiting seems endless - when there doesn't seem to be an end point anywhere on the horizon? What happens when one's life seems to revolve around waiting? How long can one be expected to wait before caving in?

As I said, I don't really have a bone to pick with you. I realize why this concept exists. I understand it's purpose, it's influence, it's challenging nature in order to create something beautiful and good. It builds character. It teaches patience. It helps us to demonstrate faith.

But what if I struggle to wait, and really, am not ok with waiting? Does that mean that I then have lost my faith? Am I no longer considered patient? Am I refusing to have my character strengthened?

Are you frustrated with me when I can't wait? Do you understand why I don't want to wait? Do you know that I while I DO trust you with my life, I don't always understand why you keep certain bits of knowledge from me?

Please know that I love you, and that these are just some of the thoughts that are on my heart. I wish I was ok with waiting. I wish I could be ok not knowing what's going to happen with certain situations in my life.

But, I hate waiting.

I just thought I'd let you know.


(image from www.explodingdog.com)

p&b

As I sat down with my soy chai and power bar, I stared at the blank page in my journal and wondered what I'd write about. It had been such a long time since I had written anything of substance. My journal had been blasted recently with many ramblings and incomplete thoughts. But I wanted to write about something - something specific. As I sat there trying to consider what to write about, a conversation came to mind.

A few days ago, I was talking with a co-worker of mine. Oddly, we were talking about childbirth. The conversation started over an article I read online about kids in Milwaukee who "age out of the system" - kids who are wards of the state until they turn 18, and then are pretty much on their own. I was saddened to learn that nearly 150 kids age out of the system every year in Milwaukee. That means there are a least 150 kids who every year, turn 18 without knowing a home... Kids who's "parents" are paid by the state to look after them, and basically just keep them out of trouble. I was explaining to my co-worker how much I would love to reach out to those kids. For a long time, I've wanted to adopt - especially older kids... the kids who rarely get picked simply because of their age. Those are the kids I want.

However, this then launched us into a conversation about having kids of our own, and whether or not we wanted them. She informed me that she has no intentions of having children of her own. I asked her why... Sickness. Pain. Weight gain. Feeling undesirable. Fatigue. Stress. Not to mention the horrible pain that comes with the birthing process. She said she wanted NOTHING to do with it. I said to her, "But don't you think it'd be totally worth it once you have that child in your arms?" She disagreed... she said, "That's when the crying starts."

As this conversation came back to me, I knew what I wanted to write about - pain and beauty. I've had numerous thoughts on this idea, and that conversation only took it a step further. I am convinced more than ever that the two come hand in hand. With pain comes beauty, and to reach beauty, you must deal with pain. Granted, this is not true all the time, but it seems to be true a lot of the time. Here are some examples.

Childbirth, as I've already mentioned, is a very obvious one. But what about NOT so obvious things. Take a sunset for instance. A sunset is VERY beautiful, but it also provides warmth. Once the sun sets, while beautiful in the process, can create some bitter cold nights, which in turn has the ability to cause pain. Or how about letting go of a child. It's painful to let go, but it's beautiful to watch them gain their independence and go out on their own.

Being in a relationship is another good example - more specifically, marriage. I have a lot of married friends, and from what I hear, marriage is tough. It's full of lots of honesty too, which can often times bring pain. While the unity of one life with another is an absolutely beautiful thing, it takes a lot of work, and even a bit of pain to grow deeply together.

But what's really intersting is the thought that hit me today. I had a good friend ask a tough question of me: "Tory, when are you going to go back to church?" He didn't mean attend church, he meant "When are you going to be a fully committed member of a church community again?" It was a good question, but my first thought was "There's too much pain attached with the church." It was then that my "pain and beauty" musings slapped me across the face. Yes, church is filled with pain - as are a lot of things in life. But it is also filled with beauty... a beauty I'm not always able to see.

I started to think about why the two go hand in hand - why it is that often times beauty and pain come as a package deal. My immediate thought was, "It was because of the fall. We can't enjoy anything beautiful without having some pain to go with it." However, my thoughts soon shifted to another idea. We deserve pain. We chose to screw things up. We decided to sin. We chose pain. However, God chose to still provide us with beauty. Maybe it's his way of showing grace - you know, softening the blow. Instead of saying "You'll have to suffer to see beauty" maybe he's saying "Because you're suffering, here is some beauty."

I was definitely challenged by this idea with regards to the church. Will I ever be able to see the beauty through the pain? Will I ever be willing again to bear the pain in order to find the beauty? I seem so quick to accept the pain that comes with things like childbirth and realtionships. Why can't I seem to push past the pain when it comes to the church?

It'll be interesting to see how long these thoughts stick with me, and permiate my thought life. All I can hope and pray for is for God to show me the beauty amidst the pain.

mars

Today at work, there was a teen girls event going on. One of my co-workers was getting a game ready for the girls where they had to look at a picture of a celebrity and figure out who it was. The catch was that part of their face was covered up, so they weren't totally able to see who it was. She found some pretty funny pictures, and had some great ideas as to what celebrities she should use. The funniest BY FAR was a picture of Bill Gates. She simply covered up the lower part of his chin and neck, leaving most of his face uncovered because she KNEW they would have no clue who he was.

However, as we were looking at a couple of the pictures, I noticed a picture of Spike Lee in her pile. I think she was slightly impressed that I actually knew who Spike Lee was, and when I noticed her surprised, I started to quote the old Air Jordan commercials he was in. "Mars Blackman here with my main man, Michael Jordan." Everyone, with the exception of this co-worker, just looked at me with a blank stare. None of them had ever seen or even heard of the Mars Blackman Air Jordan commercials. I guess I can thank the fact that I had a brother who was obsessed with basketball growing up.

But it made me wonder if I could find the old Mars Blackman commercials. And indeed I could! YouTube came through for me once again!

So, for your viewing pleasure, a little throwback to the old days... Spike Lee - the early years.

thought

No matter how conservatively I grew up, no matter how little my experience, no matter how poor my knowledge, now matter how many fears I have, no matter what I was told to fear, and no matter how much I was taught to fear...

I pray that I am never so scared as to not learn and love to the fullest extent possible. If I die learning and loving, than I believe that I have lived.

365

I'm pretty much an amateur when it comes to photography. Currently, I don't even have my own digital camera (mine is broken, and I need to send it in to either get fixed or replaced). The digital camera I'm currently using isn't spectacular, and my knowledge of how to set up shots isn't great either. However, despite my lack of knowledge and experience, I absolutely love photography, and am always looking for an interesting way in which to stretch myself.

My co-worker and friend, Simon, created a Flickr group called "365 and still alive" that he invited me to be a part of. The goal: Take one self-portrait every day for 365 days. I suppose it sounds a bit narcissistic - only taking photos of ourselves. But hey, at least it gets us taking photos every day. And it'll be interesting to see how creative I can get. I mean, 365 pictures of oneself seems a bit daunting... I'm not totally sure how many different poses, outfits, and locations I can find/create!

But we will see how far I make it. I am only on day one.

You can check out his photo project here:

365 and still alive...

inspiration

I've been lacking a bit of inspiration lately. It's been a long time since I've felt truly inspired. Part of me wants to believe that it's because I've not experienced a lot of things that others have. I've never lost someone extremely close to me. I've never been severely sick or hurt. I've never been without shelter or food. I've never been in love. I've never gotten kicked out of school. I've never been drunk. Never smoked, never done drugs... Never bungee jumped, never traveled overseas, never camped out under the stars when it wasn't a part of some sort of huge campsite. I've never been kissed. I've never been to New York, Seattle, Portland, San Fransicso, or Austin... All places I'd like to go. There are a lot of things I feel like I've never experienced, and in some respects, I feel a bit naive. I feel like I'm missing out sometimes - that everyone around me has some sort of knowledge, some experience, that I've never had, and possibly might never have.

But then I began to think about inspiration, and what it is that inspires people. I realized that I was only looking to the grandiose, only looking in the lofty places, and not the lowly. I've forgetten that truth and beauty can be found in the smallest of things, things to which most everyone has access if only they would look. Things like the smile of a child (which I see lots of every day), someone's laugh, the wind, a flower, the sunset, a look from someone, a kind word... And I believe that even not so beautiful things can inspire as well - like sadness from a fading friendship, cancelled plans or a change in plans, self image issues, a relationship that was desired but never happened, or even just a vague sense of doubt... These are all things that may not be classified as "amazing" or "tragic," but they can inspire, if one is willing to look more closely...

It's so easy for me to focus on the big things I've never experienced. I think sometimes I feel like so much music and literature is chalked full of things like heartache, love, loss, places visted, people met... that I feel if my "writings" don't contain those things, it will not be great or noteworthy.

But I think about how true writers can look at the small things - a blade of grass, a cloud, a piece of art, a blank sheet of paper - and come up with the most amazing and elaborate stories and poems that are full of life and vibrant in color. I've been realizing more and more that I've been so focused on the big things, that I miss the small things.

I was writing out my list of things I want to do in 2007, as well as reading other people's lists. I came to the realization that I have not ever experienced a sunrise. I mean really, truely experienced a sunrise. Where I sit and patiently wait for the sun to peak over the horizon, and then soak in every ounce of light as it is given to me. A sunrise. Something that happens every single day - without fail - and I have yet to experience it. When was the last time I sat by the lake and just watched it? The last time I watched a rain drop as it made it's journey down a window pane?

I realized I have a lot more to experience than traveling overseas, going bungee jumping, and falling in love. There are so many small things - attainable things - I only have to notice, giving me the possibility of great inspiration.

Here's to finding inspiration in the little things.

(pic taken from omar_franc at www.sxc.hu)

welcome

Welcome to 2007.

2007... That sounds so strange. I remember when I first learned of the movie "2001: A Space Oddessy" and thought the year 2001 sounded so strange, so far away...I wondered if I'd ever get to experience 2001. And here we find ourselves in the year 2007.

Ringing in the New Year seems to bring about many resolutions and goals. It is a time of new beginnings. It gives individuals an excuse to start over, and to make things different than they were before.

But another thing I love about the new year is that it serves as a gentle reminder that time continues to move forward. It gives us a jolt, reminding us that life is short, and we ought to live it to the fullest. I love the following quote:

"Happiness is a journey, not a destination. So work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like no one is looking."

As 2006 comes to a close, and we've now entered a new year, I think about what new things I will experience. There are things I dream about, things I want to see happen... Things that are exciting, things that are daring, and things that are even a bit unimaginable. I love thinking about all the possibilites this new year holds.

But instead of detailing what I want to see happen, I'm more interested in learning about what you guys want to see happen. Whether it's something you want to see happen in 2007, or just something you want to experience sometime in your life, I'd love to know what it is.

Whether you've been reading my blog for a while, you're new here, you're a good friend of mine, or you stumbled upon this website through a link found elsewhere... I want to hear what sorts of things excite you and what things you're dreaming about as we enter into this new year.

Welcome to 2007... and welcome to new resolutions, new goals, and new dreams.

(Photo taken from user garychrist at www.sxc.hu)

dimensions

I’m fascinated by dimensions. I am literally dumbfounded by how many different dimensions there are to a person - traits, interests, quirks, temperament, love languages, passions, and everything else that makes up the different sides of each person. I love that some of these dimensions are “hand-me-downs,” things passed on from generation to generation. While other things are learned, acquired, and sought after… I love living in a world where there are so many unique individuals with the capacity for a multitude of interactions.

But like everything, there is a downside to these multi-dimensions… This downside can occur when instead of complimenting each other, these differences collide.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this idea lately... I guess you could say that a simple Christmas gift is what started this rabbit trail of thought. At Christmas, both my dad and brother received a Rubik's Cube – a toy my brother played with as a child and found VERY frustrating. After a while of twists and turns, he found it so frustrating he took the stickers off and tried to rearrange them. When that didn’t work, he then took the whole cube apart and put it back together in order. Way to defeat the purpose, hey?

But it brought an interesting thought to mind. If people are so multi-dimensional, it’s no wonder we have communication errors, broken relationships, and personality conflicts. There are so many different combinations, so many things that need to line up just right in order for things to work – just like a Rubik's Cube needs to be lined up according to color in order to be “solved.”

However, I wonder how many of us respond to these multi-dimension conflicts in the same way my brother responded to his Rubik's Cube? I wonder how often, instead of putting in the time and effort to “crack the code” or to solve the puzzle, we try to cheat our way there. My brother was young, and my not have understood the point of the Rubik's Cube… He just knew what the end product was, and wanted to get there as soon as possible. And I know there are times where I’ve done that with people… I’ve glossed over a conflict, or a gap in communication in order to make the relationship what I wanted it to be, or so that I could continue on my merry way without a whole lot of hassle.

But what would our relationships look like if we were able to spend more time trying get things aligned the way they’re supposed to, where our differences compliment instead of collide? How would our communication change if we recognized the many dimensions people own, and worked on trying to better understand them? And how much richer would our dimensions be if we only gave each other room to exist in them?

It can be a long, and frustrating process. It can seem near impossible at times. But it can be done. A Rubik's Cube CAN be solved, and people CAN learn to understand each others dimensions.

It all depends on how many twists and turns we’re willing to endure.

tunes

Music is good for my soul.

I just got my own "space" at work, and of course, I need to have a handful of CDs by my side to listen to. Therefore, I've been making a few different mix CDs. Recently, I've been obsessed with piano. It's always been a huge love of mine, but just recently, I seem to be searching high and low for more good piano tunes. I've gotten a few suggestions from people which I have loved - so thank you!

This is the current playlist I am hooked on. It incorporates a LOT of piano, but also a lot of the acoustic/folksie sound...well, with some other stuff thrown in there too.

9 Crimes Mix

"Nice, Naive, and Beautiful" - Plumb
"Lonelily" - Damien Rice
"Waiting For My Real Life To Begin" - Colin Hay (thanks Graham!)
"Can't Complain" - Nickel Creek
"Proof" - Colplay
"Go" - Plumb
"Thinking It Over" - Dana Glover
"Come Back Down" - Lifehouse
"Rooftops and Invitations" - Dashboard Confessional
"Hymn" - Cooper (thanks Joshua!)
"Shine" - Tina Malia
"All of My Days" - Alexi Murdoch
"So Long, So Long" - Dashboard Confessional (yay Adam Duritz!)
"9 Crimes" - Damien Rice
"Hallelujah" - Cooper

There are a lot of repeat artists on there I realize, but what can I say... I love their music! I suggest you check out Cooper on iTunes - really fun music. Check out his self-titled album, and also his album entitled "2." Sort of Ben Folds, meets Rufus Wainwright, meets Coldplay, meets Keane, meets Aqualung, meets The Fray. Hahaha... Yes... There's a little bit of all in there! Also, check out Alexi Murdoch - a Nick Drake kind of fella.

Ok friends... That's it for now. Music updates to come in the near future. I have a CD in the mail by a Canadian band called Pilate, and I'm also hoping to order the new Mars Hill worship album rather soon.

Until then, keep the music suggestions coming!

greeting

I absolutely love Christmas! There are many reasons why I love Christmas, but it is easily my most favorite holiday. There seems to be something magical about it... something romantic, something awe-filled, and something so great - I'm somewhat unable to describe it.

So, in honor of it being the beginning of December - one of the greatest months simply because it contains one of the greatest holidays, I bring you a Christmas greeting from Sufjan Stevens.

Great holiday. Great music. Does it get any better?



Thank you Sufjan, for welcoming us into a snow-filled start to December.