baby city

Ok, so the top picture is a picture of Angelo Novelli. He was born three weeks ago. The second picture is Carter & Enzo Novelli - twin brothers that were just born on Thursday. Jack Sundstedt is due any day now.

My friend Cindy released her first CD this evening, and held a concert to kick off the release. While I was there, it was baby city. Not only did quite a few people (most of whom I didn't know) have babies, a lot of people were expecting as well. And then the Novelli family is blessed with 3 babies, and other babies are on the way: Sundstedt Baby (come on Jack!) and my friends Vicky and Laurie are pregnant too - Baby Brown and Baby James... Babies all over the place! So great though... I love 'em. I have to say that seeing so many families, and spending time with my friend's kids makes me long so badly to be a wife and mom. I have no idea if this is the plan God has in store for me, but I sure hope so. I look at these new little lives, and I hear my friends talk about their love for their kids and the miracle of watching them be born, and it makes me hope and pray that I get to experience even one ounce of the joy they are experiencing. Who knows... Maybe I'll only be blessed with getting to be an aunt at some point in the future.

Whatever the case, I'm enjoying baby city! They're so cute, and so much fun to have around! YAY for Angelo, Enzo, and Carter who are already here, and for Jack, Baby Brown, and Baby James who are on the way!

community

Warning: Large amounts of unprocessed thoughts to ensue

This week I was able to be a part of an amazing community. I worked at a youth conference down in Wheaton, IL with some of the coolest people in the world. But as I began to think about the week, I realized how much healthy community was lacking in my life, and I began to realize just how vital community is to one's spiritual journey.

For the past 9 months, I have not been attending the church I was a part of for the past 5 years. Until this past week, I hadn't taken communion in almost a year. And I have never felt the effects of my situation more than I have this week. I was brought to tears a couple times throughout the week about just how far away God feels. I was talking with a friend of mine, telling him that I'm not angry with God, I still desire to learn about Him, and I hate feeling the way I do, but I can't help it. God feels so far away, and I believe a good part of it is because I do not have a community that I belong to.

I have a small group made up of 7 other individuals. Each of them have been burned by the same thing I have, so we're not the most encouraging to one another. It's a little tough when everyone in the group goes through the same thing - there's no outside perspective, no outside energy to lift each other up. So while I have that "community" it's not the healthiest situation. We don't challenge each other the way we ought. We don't encourage each other the way we ought. And we definitely don't teach each other the way we ought. I'm not even sure we love each other the way that we ought.

This feels a bit like just a bunch of ramblings. And I suppose that's what this is... however, I've just been thinking a lot about how vital community is, and how drastically one's heart can change if not plugged into a healthy one. I know that in time, I will find another community. I know that this feeling of distance between God and I will eventually become less and less of a gap. But for now, it's definitely uncomfortable. It makes me uneasy, unsettled, and frustrated. These feelings of a sub-par relationship with God (which I know will never be perfect, but I know can be better than what it is) weighs heavily on my brain, and I pray that change is around the corner.

Thanks for listening to my thoughts, fears and frustrations.
Sometimes they're written out of intense emotion, but at the same time, it's how I feel, you know?

More ponderings to follow...

m.i.a.

It's been a bit since I last posted, and may indeed be a while until I post again. I am about an hour away from leaving to go down to Wheaton, IL to work my 4th summer at SEMP (Students Equipped to Minister to Peers - it's a youth conference). Both excitement and nerves have hit my stomach, and my stomach is unsure how to digest them. Lots of changes this year... Both of my sidekicks are gone (I will most definitely miss my music buddy and everything that I learn from Aaron, and I will for sure miss my roomie with whom I have late night talks and laughs with)...Another friend will be missing this year - Jarred - and OH how I will miss his laughs (so unbelievably contageous!). Also, a little rearranging of leadership - I will be working under my brother for the first time ever. We haven't around each other this long (a week) since I was probably 12. Also, our shepherd for the week - Mark - is waiting on pins and needles for his wife who is due with twins any day. And there are a whole mess of new comers to the game this year. So lots of changes... But I'm anticipating great things. Great challenges, but great rewards as well. I'll try to post if I can...

But I just thought I'd give you all a heads up as to where I was so you didn't think I was MIA.
Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, and listen to my inconsistent ramblings.

Rock on, my friends.

an awakening

The G8 summit has been on my mind quite a bit lately. I wrote an article at Relevant called "An Awakening" where I discuss some of these thoughts... You can read it at the link below, or click on the title of this post. People have the ability to post their thoughts on the article as well as the issue at hand, so if you want to check out what other people are thinking, you can pop over there...

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/article.php?sid=6782

This morning I thought a lot about Tony Blair and London, but the day slowly distracted me until I forgot about it. It wasn't until I got home tonight, and was like, "Oh my gosh... How horrible of me to have forgotten..." I'm still amidst processing it all, and will post more about it when it's not 2am in the morning.

So much going on in the world, it can be a bit overwhelming at times.

happy fourth

Fourth of July. Came quickly this year. I have to say, this is my favorite non-religious holiday. Granted, there aren't a TON of non-religious holidays, but this one is by far my favorite. You can have St. Patricks Day (and I'm even incredibly Irish), you can have Valentines Day, you can have Thanksgiving (that sounds terrible, doesn't it?), you can have pretty much any other holiday, but The Fourth of July is mine.

I'm a fireworks junkie. Oddly enough, I didn't make it to any fireworks displays this year. I was able to watch them from a field, watching four different counties all in the horizon. Our next door neighbors were setting them off. But I didn't actually make it to an official fireworks display. While I could have carried on with my own tradition (I have a secret spot where I watch them from my car), I just didn't have the "umph" to go. But I would still consider myself a fireworks junkie. I have no idea why I'm so utterly fascinated with colorful flames in the sky... It's like waves - I'm completely fascinated by water tumbling over itself. There's something just so magical about fireworks. I love them. If I ever have the ability to be proposed to, I think it would ROCK to be proposed to under fireworks...Just a total side thought there. I remember I went to a friend's wedding, and as we were leaving the reception, and bursting before us were huge fireworks. Amazing.

I hope that everyone had a happy forth, filled with fun and fireworks.

war of the worlds

What can I say... After all these years, Stevie still has the magic. This movie exceeded my expectations (I tried to keep them low because of all the buzz about it, and it being a "summer blockbuster"), shocked me in multiple ways, and renewed my hope in movie magic. I know, I know, that's putting a lot of weight on this movie. But I think it's worth it.

I don't want to give away any spoilers, therefore I won't write anything about it. Please, if you choose to comment, be respectful of others who may be reading it who have yet to see it.

But I'll leave you with this though.
This movie is a must.
Go see it.

indianwood man

have you ever had those moments where something keeps reoccurring in the oddest of times and places? Where something you had completely forgotten about resurfaces, and by the time you've nearly forgotten it again, you find yourself there once again, in some sort of cyclical game?

there is this man... we will call him indianwood man, for that is the street he used to live on. when I was younger, he intrigued me a great deal. with long brown hair, a gentle demeanor and an artsy way about him, I would slow my pace as I passed his house where he would be remodeling his old school yellow convertible volkswagon bug. he seemed to be out there all the time, working on that car, which was a beauty. in high school, I went with a friend to a family gathering where, with no idea of their friendship, they met up with indianwood man's family. it was there I talked with indianwood man and his family for the first time. our meeting seemed to me to be very random. he worked at the local grocery store, and I would often run into him in one of the isles. but after a while, he quit and I no longer saw him. it had been about two years since I saw indianwood man...until a couple weeks ago. I was sitting at a stoplight when indianwood man was crossing the intersection... he glanced over and offered a friendly wave. again, it just felt so random. And so tonight, I saw indianwood man once again at a local church gathering. I didn't know indianwood man was a God follower. very random... but very, very cool.

I love those moments... where it feels very much like a story with reoccuring characters who aren't the focus of story, but add depth and beauty to its tale.

taste transformation

Hey all...

I was reminiscing with a friend of mine tonight about the music we listened to when we were little. For the most part, I grew up fairly conservative, so my musical knowledge didn't really come to bloom until mid-high school. My dad had been really big into the Beatles, so I was pretty familiar with their music. My brother had the soundtrack to "Top Gun" and "Rocky" on record that I can remember listening to quite a bit. But that was it... not much of an introduction to music.

When I was a younging (we're talking, like 8 or so) I remember my friends being really into George Michael. Why, I'm not entirely sure. But "Faith" was huge on the radio. At least I never feel into the New Kids On the Block Trap (but I did however, like Hanson... and still listen to some of their music!) I also remember my best friend across the street owning the album "Check Your Head" by Beastie Boys. "Pass the Mic" was the first Beastie Boys song I ever heard. I also remember being a big fan of DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince. Hahaha... I knew all the words to "Nightmare On My Street"... I still know most of them.

As I grew older, I of course listened to a lot of Christian music. Lots of Michael W. Smith, Whiteheart, PFR, DC Talk, David Meece, with a little Petra thrown in there every now and then. When I was introduced again to secular music (basically, my parents began to let me listen to the radio more) I was introduced to top 40 music, and for a while, that was all I knew. I can remember loving the songs "Rain" by Madonna, "Will You Be There" by Michael Jackson, "Where You Get Love" by Matthew Sweet, and "Baby I Love Your Way" by Big Mountain (and lots of other stuff off the Reality Bites soundtrack). Makes me laugh to think about how much I loved these songs.

*Really Sad Tid-bit of Info: The first two CDs I ever bought were "Smells Like Nirvana" by Weird Al, and the the Joey Lawrence Album (you know, Joey from Blossom - WHOA!) How sad is that?

Eighth grade, I was pretty much all about Counting Crows. That craze stuck with me a LONG time. I'm still a fan.

When I was a freshman in high school was when my music taste began to shift into the alternative scene. Grunge was pretty big at the time, and moving into full fledged, early nineties alternative. I became a huge fan of bands like Weezer, Bush, Smashing Pumpkins (my friend with whom I was reminiscing was pretty quick to hop on the Pumpkins wagon - he had their CD as a fourth grader), Cranberries (I don't know, were they really alternative?), Gin Blossoms, Radiohead, Nirvana, various songs by Flaming Lips, and Buffalo Tom (thanks to My-So-Called-Life)... There were of course other bands that were NOT a part of the alternative scene that I go into such as Toad the Wet Sprocket (who I fell in love with), Dogs Eye View, and STILL listening to Michael Jackson on occasion.

During my sophomore year, U2 made its way into my music collection. As a kid, my brother used to listen to them all the time. Simply due to the fact that he was my brother and liked them, meant I therefore had to hate them. Unfortunately, I missed out on a lot of years I COULD have been listening to U2. But I finally got around to it. Other bands that joined my music collection were Third Eye Blind (a huge favorite amongst my high school friends), Collective Soul, Creed (come on, you know you liked their first album!), Guster, and Duncan Sheik.

It wasn't until maybe 3 years ago that I really started to get into music. I started searching bands I didn't know, trying to find music I found on my own. I feel as though I have come to know a LOT more about music, but have a long way to go. But as I look back to the days of Petra and Whiteheart, and look at what I'm listening to now, it's so cool to see the transformation of musical taste.

If you've stuck with my story of music transformation this long, rock on. It was a long one.

How about you? Anybody got any weird musical transformation stories?

old writing

Tonight was an interesting night. I began a new writing project, and decided to break out some old writing. My English classes all throughout high school were filled with great amounts of writing - stories, but journaling especially. I began to reread some of my journals tonight, and found myself laughing aloud. The things I thought about and wrote about... I began to wonder if 8 years from now, I would do the same thing looking back on this writing. The things I wrote were so funny (as well as the comments from my English teacher). Anyway, I also began to browse through the poems I wrote from age 15 to 21ish. Some of them were kind of interesting. A while ago, I had resurrected "The World Through His Window" - a poem I wrote when I was 15. I think that maybe every so often, I'll resurrect a new one. Some of them may be decent, some of them may be ridiculous. But for tonight, I'll share this one with you.

I wrote this one when I was 19. You'd think at age 19 my writing would be in decent shape, but I was still a fairly new writer. Therefore, I find this poem kind of funny. It's not terrible, but it's awkward (plus, you can tell I read a little Frost before I wrote it - the whole Road theme). But, for whatever reason, it kind of stuck with me as I was paging through some of my old poems. So here goes...

The Road
In an attempt to discover oneself,
It seems as though life finds them first.
There are two roads to which I can travel.
One, I've already run down.
Naive and foolish.
The one where I threw caution to the wind
I allowed myself to be seen
And for the inner me to be exposed
Only to be trampled on by the same as I -
Naive fools running down the same road
Just as fast.
I pulled myself up to try again,
Only to pursue failure over and over.
Day after day, I put my heart on the line
Day after day, choice after choice
Everything seemed wrong.
But day after day, I became stronger.
I made it down the road a little further
I have now come to the place
Where the road splits in two.
I can stay on this road,
Or follow the one well traveled.
A road where no one gets hurt
Each in their own line
Oblivious to those around them -
Emotionless... unhurt because of it.
I glance down that road
Then continue on my way.
Though hurt and weakened at times
I became stronger on this road.
I went through every emotion I thought possible
Yet there were more to come...
And others were with me.
I even met some pretty interesting naive fools.


Ok, be nice... Remember, I was only 19 and still kind of new to the writing world.
But I kind of like resurrecting these old poems... Makes me enjoy how I've grown over the years, and how I still have a very very long way to go before I'll feel like an accomplished writer. Maybe that day will never come. But I'm totally enjoying the process.

cannonball mix

Here's my newest playlist. It's probably the strangest one I've ever put together, but I love having new playlists and I'm excited about this one. It's got some great artists on it, and a few of my favorite songs. Some are old, some are new. But I thought I'd share it with you all so...

cannonball mix

Cannonball (Radio Remix) - Damien Rice
Swallowed By The Sea - Coldplay
2AM - Anna Nalik
Stars and Boulevards - Augustana
Bullet Proof... I Wish I Was - Radiohead
Hello Tomorrow (adidas version) - Karen O. & Squeak E. Clean
Light and Day (radio edit) - Polyphonic Spree
Before This Time - Ollabelle
Sunshine - Billy Miles
Lilac Wine (Album Leaf Remix) - The Verve
To Be Alone With You - Sufjan Stevens
Love Should - Moby
Sandalwood - Lisa Loeb
Mad World - Gary Jules & Michael Andrews
Snow Day - Matt Pond PA
Epiphany - Staind
Nightswimming - covered by Dashboard Confessional
Rainbow Connection - Sarah McLauchlan
Cannonball - Vienna Teng

G8 decision

Hey, if you get a chance. Take a look at this link. G8 has decided to cancel some major debts. This could create potentially huge possibilities for some very poor countries.

http://www.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/06/11/uk.g8.africa/index.html

(you can also click on the title above)

X&Y

No in-depth review here. Just pure lovin'.
Love this album.
But what's not to like about Coldplay?

Current fave song off the album: Fix You
This song is just beautiful, and sure to end up on some WB show, or the OC or something.
I love this album.

If you haven't picked up this album, I highly recommend it. Such great tunes.
Did I mention I love this album?

overwhelmed

Have you ever found yourself so overwhelmed by something you find yourself running from it? A thought, an idea, a situation so big and consuming, you were afraid it might swallow you whole? Something, that if you let Him, God might just place you directly in the center of? Have you ever been so taken by something, yet wanting to do nothing about it because of the emotional energy it would require?

I find myself in this spot. I do not want to talk about it in depth at this point in time, but I have found myself in recent days to be numbing my mind, filling it with meaningless ponderings so that I don't have to think about this one thing that if I stop even for a brief moment and consider it's greatness, I am unable to hold back tears. I find myself not wanting to face it, not wanting to admit it, not wanting to look it in the eye but rather run the other direction hiding my head in the sand like a fear stricken ostrich.

Sometimes I think this fear will get the best of me. Sometimes I think I will miss great opportunities because of it. Sometimes I think that if I were only stronger, if only I were able to push myself, I might be able to learn so much. There are some things I can push past, some things I can force myself to do despite my fear... Why is it, I cannot do this one thing.

I'm not sure how I will get there... but I know it's worth getting to.

stuck in a moment

"I'm just trying to find a decent melody, a song that I can sing in my own company"

Finding your path can be a difficult task. I'm still trying to find out what I'm good at, what I could see myself doing the rest of my life, and being content with the melody I'm singing in life. Sometimes I hit a wrong note, but like this line says, I'm just trying to find one that's decent... A song that does not need refining is not worth singing.

"You've got to get yourself together, you've got stuck in a moment and now you can't get out of it"

Sometimes I get so hung up on one thing. If I can't seem to get past it, I analyze it into the ground until it makes sense. Instead of accepting it as an unknown and moving on, I seem to get stuck in that moment. This line is such a challenge... Getting myself together and getting out of that moment.

"Don't say that later will be better..."

I'm a great waiter. I always think there's something better around the bend. Life will be better when I get married. Life will be better when I move out. When I have kids. The perfect job. How sad that I'm missing the "better" that is now.

"You are such a fool to worry like you do..."

I'm not sure I need to elaborate on this one. I love how in the Bible God challenges us to not worry about what we will eat or what we will wear. I worry about things far more lame than that.

"And if the night runs over, and if the day won't last, and if your way should falter along this stoney pass... it's just a moment, this time will pass."

Isn't it good to know all these moments will pass. I never meant for this reflection through the U2 song to be depressing. It's actually kind of liberating for me. It's awesome to know that each of these moments - moments of sadness, of worry, of anger, or fear, of doubt, of everything ugly will someday pass... So great... I just recently re-discovered the exclusive Target album where there is an acoustic version of this great U2 song. I fell in love with this song because it's such an optimistic song for me. It's not dismissing struggles or periods of being "stuck" but it's saying, "Hey, it happens, but it won't last forever."

This may be the first of a few U2 song contemplations. Especially songs off How to Dismantle the Atomic Bomb. Such great thoughts are spoken on that album.

remembering

This week seems to be about remembering...

Sunday we said goodbye to our friend and youth pastor at my church. He had resigned, and we were having a farewell party for him. Lots and lots of pictures. Lots and lots of memories. And I saw a lot of people who I haven't seen in a long time... It was great.

On Tuesday, I attended a Brewers Game. Brewers vs. Colorado Rockies. Granted, I'm not a huge fan of either team, or even a fan of baseball really... However, I felt a bit nostalgic because the Colorado Rockies used to be my friend Nate's favorite baseball team in junior high. I've known Nate since I was three. Today, I attended his wedding. Surrounding him at the wedding were a whole slew of friends from my past - some of them I known since I was in diapers, some of them were my best friends. It was a great day for reminscing and remembering all the amazing times we had together. I feel truly honored and blessed to have had them all as a part of my life, and it was great remembering with them today.

Wednesday, I was driving a friend of mine down to Lake Geneva. Before we even had a chance to leave town, we were sitting at a stoplight and this younger guy was walking across the intersection. As he drew closer to my car, I informed my friend that I knew him. Him name is Eric, and he used to live down the street from me - two streets down, on Indianwood Lane. He used to have a bright yellow old school Volkwagon Beetle convertable that he'd work on. As he passsed by my car, he waved... I'm not entirely sure if the wave was due to the fact that we were staring at him or that he remembered me. Either way, it made my day.

Monday is Memorial Day - a day to remember soldiers that we've lost. Soldiers who have fought and served their country so that we can enjoy the freedoms we do today. On Monday, I have been been invited to a picnic at the Witmer household to remember Michelle, who died serving her country. It will be a tough day as Michelle is greatly missed... but I'm sure it will be a day to celebrate her beautiful life, and remember her for the way she lived it.

Lots and lots of memories. Lots and lots of nostalgia. Some of it really good and cathartic. Some of it really hard and sad. It's so crazy how God designed us with such emotions and abilities. I'm grateful for them though. It makes life all the richer.

the sun sets

The sun sets on another day in the life of Jack Bauer. Season four came to a close tonight with a great two hour season finale. Who knew how it would turn out? I won't write about it so as to not spoil it for those who haven't seen it.

Just one thing though...Any bets on a new name? And no Kelly, it will not be K.Do....

mad hot ballroom

I'm not sure how many of you are documentary fans, but I started watching them not that long ago, and have fastly become addicted. My list of documentaries seen is not that many, but I am more and more drawn to them as time goes on. I saw the preview for this documentary "Mad Hot Ballroom" before the movie "Millions", and thought it looked great. It's from the same director as "Spellbound" (another great documentary that follows, I believe, 8 different students as they prepare and compete in the national spelling bee). Check out the trailer if you get a chance and if you enjoy documentaries.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount_classics/mad_hot_ballroom.html

ovaries for an ipod

I had an original post on this, but created a longer version of it.
Here is the new version.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/article.php?sid=6439
(or click on the link above)

feel good

I'm addicted. I am officially, completely, and utterly addicted to the iPod commericals (and now addicted to the Feel Good Inc. song by Gorillaz). Granted, when U2 launched their iPod commerical, I thought it was a beautiful thing. However, as more and more commericals come out, I became more and more addicted. There was the recent "Jerk It Out" by Caesars, then came "Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz (such a great commerical with all the old school rollerskaters) and now, the new "Technologic" by Daft Punk - do they get any cooler? And a friend of mine suggested that crazy dancer David Elsewhere may be behind some of the slick moves, or else they stole some of his moves (seriously, who else can move like he can?). Whatever the case, the commercials just keep getting cooler and cooler. Not to mention, whoever they have on board for introducing new music is really smart... great taste that TOTALLY catches on everywhere.

Kudos to Apple and iPod commerical makers and all involved. Keep up the good work.
If you get a chance, check out the Rollerskating iPod commercial (which despite the amazing dancing in the Technologic commerical (the picture above), I still think the Rollerskating is my favorite - click on the title of this post).


Enjoy.

zap, magic fairy zap

Do you guys remember the "Super Mario Brothers Super Show"?
Who knows what made me think of it today, but I found this great screen cap (it's a little distorted) of the show, and I listened to the main theme song (I forgot how terrible it was) and remembered the greatest quote from the whole show that my friend Leah and I used to quote all the time when we were little:

"Zap, magic fairy zap!"

Who knows why... Then again, who knows why we did any of the things we did when we were little. But I remember watching this show... I remember playing Mario Bros until I got blisters on my fingers, especially Mario Bros 3.

Speaking of Mario Bros 3 - did anyone out there ever see "The Wizard"? Now there's a great movie! Hehehe...
I remember it was about this kid who was amazing at video games, and they went to this video game competition. For the final round they introduced a new game - Mario Bros 3.

Man, do I feel old.
Then again, I guess we could talk about Pong, and make ourselves feel even older.