what to do...

Often times, I wonder what to blog about. Do I want to write about music? Part of me would write about music every day if I felt it was actually worth doing. Do I want to write about other forms of entertainment? Well, film/TV are huge interests of mine and I could probably write a fair amount about them. I mean, Sean Astin being on 24 - that alone provides plenty of writing material. But it would get old after awhile... Do I write about more personal stuff? That scares me a bit... Every so often I will post something that's a bit more personal, and it's always a little weird to put it out there. Here's why...

First of all, when I write more "personal" stuff, it is usually written out of emotion - meaning that I can go back to it a few days/weeks later, and feel completely different about the situation. I'm a stewer. I like to stew over things that happen, conversations I've had, or emotions I'm feeling, and usually end up in a completely different state then I started with. I feel that if I blog about something I'm working through - thoughts or emotions I haven't fully processed - it suddenly becomes set in stone. If I run into people a few weeks later, and they say, "Hey, I read this on your blog..." and then reference something, I may be totally past that. However, because that person wasn't around for the processing part of it, they have no idea that I've moved on to feeling differently about the situation. It creates for some awkward interactions, and also makes me feel as if I'm saying one thing, doing another - when that isn't really the case at all.

The other reason is, I feel that even though I love to communicate through writing, it's not always conveyed they way I'd like to it be. And here's where the problem comes in. I've had conversations with a couple people about this, but the internet provides some sort of weird relational dilemma. Through services like myspace, facebook, and even blogs, people have this false sense of "knowing" someone. People feel that if they read about the things you are doing in life, thinking about, and experiencing, they automatically know how you will respond in certain situations, or how you feel about everything when that is clearly not the case. I found myself falling into that trap on a couple of occasions. People's blogs I'd read, friends I'd met through Relevant who I was corresponding with, and other situations... While I may know bits and pieces about each of those people, I don't "know" them, the way I know someone I spend time with on a daily basis. Therefore, I think I get a little fearful about writing more personal blog entries because I'm afraid that people will hold me to the things I write about. People will say, "Yeah, but on your blog you said..." So, basically, the two reasons are sort of tied together. But one is more about the time and processing that happens in between blog posts, and the other is about personality. Both are about being defined by this silly thing we call a blog.

I don't want my blog to define me. I cannot be known simply by what I write on this blog, nor do I wish to be. There are so many layers to people, and blogs are so one dimensional. Watching people's expressions can tell you a lot about them. Seeing how they interact with others, what their body language is, if they have a gentle or brash demeanor, if they give distant hugs, or are a bear-hugger? How do they laugh? These are all things that are TREMENDOUSLY important when learning about someone. They are things that can never be learned through daily postings. They need to be experienced in person. And I think that blogs give a false definition of someone. Yet so often, I think those of us who are involved in reading them, are swept up by the idea of knowing someone.

We were designed to know and be known. We have this mad craving to be known, as well as to know other people. The desire for community was built into us. Therefore, it doesn't surprise me that this sort of community has exploded. I mean, the ability to network, find people all over the place, get to know them, read about them, interact (sort of) with them... These are all forms of community. And I think that it has the potential to be really good... But it also has the power to go south, and go south FAST. It has the potential to lots of good, but also lots of damage.

I was conversing with someone the other night, and another interesting thing we discussed was the idea that employers can now do google searches, and find blogs on the internet. Not only can they do background checks with employers, but they can find out all about you just by typing in your name in the little Google box. That thoughts a tad daunting. So now, what I write about is not only affecting my family and friends that read it, but also potential employers? Yowza... not sure I like that idea. So often, I think people who blog, or post on myspace/facebook think that they are somehow in this hidden little world that only the people who know them can access. But that's just not the case. They don't call it the "World Wide Web" for nothing.

So what to do... What to write about... It's so easy for me to write about media and surface level stuff that's going on in my life. But do I want to take the plunge, be a little risky, and write about the stuff I'm REALLY thinking about? Or is all of this just a little too much of me, me, me...

The narcissistic element of the blog... That's a whole other story...