beauty

I find it interesting. It seems so strange to me that someone in my position – with pretty much everything in the world available at my fingertips – still has the ability to feel as though I have nothing… what a ridiculous thought and feeling.

I had an interview at the Milwaukee Rescue Mission on Thursday. As I drove down there, I realized just how easily I forget how a majority of the world lives, and what a majority of the world has to deal with on a daily basis. I grew up in the suburbs. I grew up going to church. I went to a private school. I was surrounded by friends and family who loved me. I never once had to think about where I was going to sleep, where my next meal was going to come from, or if my surroundings were even safe enough to survive in. And yet, so often that I forget these are things that plague people’s daily thoughts. While driving to my interview, I drove past people who I’m sure have some if not all of these concerns on their hearts and minds. I passed people whose clothes were not clean, who looked like it had been a while since they’d last eaten, who looked lost… And not more than 12 hours later, I had already forgotten about them. My own problems seemed more important than any of the things they may have been facing. I forgot everything I had been given, everything I take for granted…

The other day, I found the picture you see above. I searched “reaching” on Google Images, and this was one of the first things I found. Why was I searching the word “reaching?” Because that’s what I felt like. I felt like I was reaching – reaching for the things I longed for, the things I felt I deserved… I felt as though I had been dealt a raw deal, seeing no beauty in anything, and was reaching for something different. I do these kind of searches often. It’s fascinating the results I come across. It helps me to reshape my thinking. I remember once night a few months ago, feeling really really sad. So, I googled the words “sad woman.” The images I came across were amazing. Some of them made me even more sad, but also gave me a new realization – that I am so often blind to the beauty in life.

A while back, I wrote a post about a documentary I had watched about the red light district in Calcutta. I had forgotten all about that movie until just recently. So easily I forget. But it made me realize that not only am I spoiled – thinking that my life situation is as about as ugly as it can get, when in reality it pales in comparison – but I also realized that these people who have it much worse than I do are still able to see beauty in life. They are able to take joy in the smallest of riches, and they are able to see life for its possibilities, not its disappointments. I am humbled by their ability… an ability I myself am not able to claim, but am challenged to work on acquiring.

I am definitely nowhere near having it all figured out... I continue to forget this pursuit on a daily basis. I have spent the past few days wallowing in a big pile of self-pity. But every time I do an image search, every time I take a drive to a neighborhood I’ve never been to, every time I think about the rest of the world and how they view life, what seems to be wearing on my heart and mind seems small and insignificant, and I’m reminded to look for the beauty that exists.

When I write out thoughts like this, I typically try to be methodical about it. I think about what words I want to use, what words make me sound more intelligent or witty, and I revise it in hopes to make it sound as good as possible. However, that’s not what I wanted to do this time around. I felt like I wanted to share some honest writing with you – what my heart was saying right as it was saying it.

I realize this will come across fairly unpolished, and maybe a bit unfinished… It’s not often that I come to conclusions though, and maybe that’s why I like to write… I love unfinished thoughts. It means that I’m still learning. I hope that I never stop learning.

In a few hours, I’ll probably be back to forgetting about this entry, about the people I’ve seen over the past few days, and the images I’ve come across. But I wanted to write it anyway. Hopefully it’ll serve as a reminder to NOT forget. I went back to an old blog entry today, and was really challenged by some of the things I had written not that long ago. I hope this entry will do the same. On days when I feel like my life situation is at its ugliest, I want to look to those who are able to see the beauty in their surroundings.

May I too see the beauty that surrounds me.

(Image found at: www.qfund4aids.org)

change

Have you ever experienced a moment in your life where you knew everything was about to change? A moment where it seems as though nothing is solid, and everything could shift at the drop of a hat?

That's the position I am in right now. I am currently unemployed. I don't have a home church. I am living at home, but hoping to move out in the near future. I don't have a significant other. I am in the processes of figuring out my next "career move." I am less than a year away from paying off my car, giving me one of two options: buy a new car that's in better shape, or try out public transportation. Lots of random things that are currently up in the air. None of these things are stable or figured out. I'm "in process" with each of these, and one if not all could change at any moment - something that is both exciting and terrifying.

I read an interesting quote tonight though that got me thinking. I'm not sure if I have it exactly right - I was only able to view it for a moment. But it read something similar to the following: "If you aren't scared, your dreams aren't big enough." What a great statement! The reason why I love it is that it allows for two things I'm really good at - dreaming big and being scared! I think it's encouraging because it is challenging to think big, dream the impossible... and yet, it is also saying that fear is a natural part of dreaming big - that if you're NOT scared, you must not be dreaming big enough.

So, I believe I'm going to incorporate this philosophy in with the rest of the stuff I've been learning over the past few days (which might I say, is a lot). As I head into the next few weeks, I choose to embrace big dreams and the fear that comes with them.

Bring it on, future. Bring it on.

(image found at http://www.sybilanntellsall.com/images/Free_Fall.JPG)

merge

What an amazing and exhausting week. As most of you know, I have been working over the past few months for an organization called Sonlife Ministries. For the past two months, I have lived on their campus in Elburn, Illinois during the week, and living at home on the weekends. Basically, it has felt like I have been living out of a suitcase for two months - which is both exciting and draining at the same time. However, this past week was what all the effort was for. I just spent the past week with 450 high school students and youth workers, and it was great!

The week was called Merge - and it was a conference where students and leaders were encouraged to merge with the redemptive story of God. Now, I realize that's a mouthful. But bascially, it was all about re-learning the story of God (from the creation of the world to the church in the book of Acts) and learning to connect those stories with our own lives today. Students were challenged to see how their story connects with the stories of both the Old and New Testament, and how God is still at work in their lives today, allowing them to be a part of God's story as well. It was a new way of approaching Biblical teaching and learning, and the students seemed REALLY responsive to it. It was an awesome week of challenges, growth, and exploration. I don't think I've ever worked as hard has I did this past week, and I'm incredibly exhausted, but it was well worth it.

As I look to the future - currently unemployed and not sure what's next, I can't help but be encouraged by the things I learned this past week. I learned that I am an important part of God's story. As one student pointed out through the story of Noah, God can use one person's faith to change the world. Because of Noah's great faith in God, God spared humanity and re-populated the earth because of him. Because of one man's faith, we are all here today. What a brilliant and encouraging thought. So while I'm a little scared to step into the next few weeks, I am encouraged by one student's faith in an idea that God can use any individual to change (or in the case of Noah, recreate) the world.

I feel totally honored to have been a part of Merge, and to have taken part in the things that happened there. I was so encouarged by the students who were attending and the staff I worked alongside. I'm so unbelievably happy to be home, but I wouldn't have wanted to miss this past week for anything!

weeks

I can't believe it's been roughly two weeks since I last posted a blog entry. All apologizes for my delinquent behavior!

Just so you all know, I AM alive and kicking... I've just been really caught up in the high school event I'm currently a part of. Right now, it's near 11pm, and I'm still plugging away at things we need done before the fun begins tomorrow. So know that I miss writing, and I miss posting - it's just not top priority right now.

Hopefully once this event is over and my life returns back to some form of normalcy (what is that anyway?) I will be back to posting on a regular basis.

For now, here are the updates: I have one interview coming up for a job that seems pretty rad and my resume is floating about at a graphic design firm doing some administrative/support work. So, a couple jobs possibilities to look into when I get home.

Hope you are all doing well...

Rock on, friends.

tangible

Have you ever noticed the profound things you come across when sitting in absolute silence? I'm sitting next my window, with my computer serving as the only illumination, listening to the wind dancing about the trees in my back yard. There is something so great about listening to the sound of wind in trees... Even though you can't see the wind, you can see it's effects... Visibly, you can see tree branches waltzing with great rhythm, creating a magnificent rustling noise that is so easily identifiable. The wind is a mysterious thing... No place of origin, and no destination... and yet, everywhere present.

I've been struggling lately with the presence of God. He and I had an intense discussion yesterday about my need for tangible objects - I need to see, touch, hear, and feel things. God wired me up to be incredibly dependent upon my senses, and I use them a great deal in my process of understanding. So, our intense discussion started out something like this, "God, I know you exist - I have many good reasons to believe this. But why can't I seem to love you - the way I've heard so many talk about you. They talk with great passion, with great adoration. I've read about all the things you have done. But I have not see them, touched them, heard them, or felt them. I cannot reach out my hand for you to hold. I cannot throw my arms around you when I'm overjoyed, or crawl into your lap and cry when I am sad. People tell me that is what prayer is for... But to me, that seems like telling a man who needs food for nourishment to think about eating. I know that prayer and the study of your Word is how I'm supposed to connect with you, but God, what am I supposed to do when what I need is physicality and tangibility... How do I love you when I can't even see You?"

To some, this argument, this intense questioning of God may seem somewhat elementary. I realize these are questions that kids ask. However, if I am going to approach God in an honest manner, than I need to do just that - be honest. And my struggle with not being able to see, touch, hear, or feel God is real and genuine. So my question is, what do I do?

As I sat listening to the wind tonight, I couldn't help but wonder if that was my answer. Does it totally fill the void of not being able to have my hand held, be embraced, or have a shoulder to cry on when it comes to God? Not entirely... But it is the "tangibility" (is that a word? if not, it should be...) I have been looking for. God is similar to the wind. I cannot see the wind - it does not have an origin or a destination - and yet, I can see that it is moving. I can see and hear it's effects. While I cannot throw my arms around God, I can see his effects, his movements... If I only look.

Listening to the trees tonight, I realized that I don't often pay attention to that sound. So often, I'm engulfed by the craziness that is life, so entranced by the fast paced, "gotta keep moving" culture around me, that I don't take time to listen to things like the wind blowing through the trees. And that's when it hit me... I don't listen or look for God either. Everything in my life is commercialized - it's fast, it's flashy, and it's convenient. But how often in the Bible was God fast, flashy, and convenient? Almost never... How often was God found in the quiet? In the forgotten places? In the stillness? Almost always.

So I ought to reconsider asking quesitons like, "God, where are you?" I often think about Job when I ask questions. Poor guy. Have you ever read Job? If not, I highly suggest picking it up. Great book. But after all the most horrific things happen to him, he asks God the big "W" question - Why. And man, does God have an answer for him. Everytime I read those verses, I'm petrified of asking God questions... However, I soon forget the story of Job, and continue to ask questions such as "Ok God, where are you? SHOW UP!" When really he's whispering, "I've been here all along... you're the one who forgot to show up."

The sound of the trees remind me that I need to look, listen and reach for God... he's already extended the "tangibles." I just need to be diligent enough to go looking for them.

May the sound of the trees continue to remind me.

trying

I haven't been able to write much lately. Often times, I become overwhelmed with everything that's plaguing my brain, causing me to feel somewhat paralyzed, and the only thing I can do is listen to music and continue contemplating everything in the universe.

So, I've been listening to a lot of music lately, and I can't seem to get this song out of my head. I watched a documentary on homelessness the other day that a friend of mine made, and the song "Several Ways to Die Trying" by Dashboard Confessional plays in the background. I can't seem to shake the song. For whatever reason, I've woken up multiple mornings with the song in my head, and find that while I'm in moments of silence, I can't help but hum it to myself.

For those of you who have not heard the song, here are the lyrics:

Several Ways to Die Trying - Dashboard Confessional

Pacific Sun, you should have warned us,
It gets so cold here.
And the night can freeze, before you set it on fire.
And our flares go unnoticed.
Dimminished, faded just as soon as they are fired.

We are, we are, intrigued.
We are, we are, invisible.
Oh, how we've shouted, how we've screamed,
Take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they're burning the roads
They built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts
With their shining lies,
While closing our caskets cold and tight.
But I'm dying to live.

Pacific sun, you should have warned us,
These heights are dizzying,
And the climb can kill you
Long before the fall.

And our trails go unmarked
And unmapped and covered
Just as soon as they are crossed.

We are, we are, intriguing.
We are, we are, desirable.
Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed,
Take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they're burning the roads
They built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts
With their shining lies,
While closing our caskets cold and tight.
But I'm dying to live.

brothels

As I wandered through Blockbuster, I scanned the "New Release" section hoping to find a good movie for the evening. I toyed with the idea of getting a cheesy flick - just for fun. For a moment I thought "Kicking and Screaming" might bring me a few laughs, but decided I'd rather go with something a little bit smarter. I passed by numerous flicks that I've been wanting to see for a while - "Syriana" and "Munich" because I was afraid they'd be a little too heavy. However, I then came across a movie entitled "Born Into Brothels." What I didn't realize until I searched for the above picture is that this film won "Best Documentary" at the Oscars. I hadn't even heard of it - just saw it sitting on the shelf, and was intrigued by the name and picture. The name made me a little nervous to begin with, but this picture, the cover picture, is what captured me.

"Born Into Brothels" is a documentary about children born in the red light district in Calcutta, and what sorts of lives they lead. A woman by the name of Zana Briski decides to live in the brothels, getting to know the women and their children. She decides to teach the children about photography, and how to see the world. She gives each one of them a camera, and then sends them out to take pictures. They bring them in, develop them, and critique them. Together, they learn to experience life and truth through the lens.

This movie was brilliant. The storyline in this film is beautiful...moving. I was taken by each of these children, specifically a young girl named Puja. The pictures they took were fantastic. Briski took the children's photos to New York and had an auction to raise money for them. She had hopes of getting them out of the brothels, and into a boarding school - their one chance to escape a life "in the line."

My heart was broken and yet inspired at the same time. This film was a beautiful depiction of seeing what lies beneath. I'm saddened by the fact that I never would have imagined such beauty existed in brothels.

If you have the opportunity to check out this movie, and you like documentaries, I highly recommend it. It's a little tough to watch in spots, but it's definitely worth it.

www.kids-with-cameras.com/calcutta

awake

Today I'm reflecting on the weekend I just spent with 350 junior high students. I work for an organization called Sonlife Ministries, and they are launching two new events this summer: Awake, which is for junior high students and Merge, which is for senior high students. I could write about the vast array of thoughts that pulsed through my brain over the weekend, all the things I experienced, all the amazing people I spent time with, and all the great things that happened. But I think the greatest thing I learned this weekend is how to approach God. This weekend, I witnessed uninhibited, dancing, screaming, joyful teenagers reaching out for whatever it was God wanted to give them. As these students learned about God's love for creation throughout all of history - starting with Adam and Eve, through the creation of the church, to our present existence, and even about his love that will extend into future, I saw a sense of wonder, awe, and excitement for God and what he wants to do in the world... and it was brilliant.

These students were challenged to look at how they love the community and as well as the globe - and they took the challenge head on. I was blown away by the amounts of creativity and passion coming out of these students minds and hearts. It was humbling to see students who were so new to their faith being excited about what God could do through them. Here were 12-14 year olds, confident that God could use them. And there I sat, a 26 year old girl, ashamed I didn't have the same confidence.

This weekend provided me with many challenges and many opportunities for growth. My brain is swirling with the many different things I experienced and felt over the weekend. But I'm excited to see how things continue. I just picked up "The Irresistable Revolution" by Shane Claiborne and I can already feel my soul starting to stir. I have no idea what's next... I can only pray it's transformational.

To what's ahead...

friends

You know those people... the kind of people who accept you no matter what? The kind of people who encourage your silliness, who affirm you despite all your crazy quirks, and who love you unconditionally? Those are the kinds of people I got to spend the evening with tonight...and I couldn't have enjoyed myself more.

I chose this picture of Calvin and Hobbes because I love the faces they're making. They're silly, uninhibited, and zaney. I love Calvin and Hobbes because they go on adventures together, exchange social criticism, express their creativity in a variety of ways, and have many many child-like moments.

Tonight, I got to spend time with some of my favorite people... People I have shared "Calvin and Hobbes" moments with. I've gone through a lot with these people, but they are the kind of people that no matter what curve balls life tosses our direction, we continue to be there for each other. Though weeks, even months go by, we pick up where we left off, and enjoy the company of one another.

As I looked around the room tonight, I realized these people have become like family to me. I've laughed with them, cried with them, grown with them, gotten angry with them, and experienced great joys with them... I loved being around these people tonight, people who I know if I needed anything they'd be there, and vice versa. I loved being with people who affirm me but who also challenge me... people who are silly, uninhibited and zaney... who take adventures, exchange thoughts and ideas, and express their creativity in a variety of ways.

They are my friends, they are my family, and I love them very much.

schwartzman

How great is this picture... See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil... The three Js say so.

I wanted to write a post about Jason Schwartzman - an actor who is strongly becoming a favorite in my book. Recently, I have been intrigued by a few different actors (including Joseph Gordon-Levitt and David Strathairn), causing me to watch everything they've been in. However, Jason Schwartzman is one of those people that no matter how weird or lame the movie, he makes it worthwhile.

I just watched "Shopgirl" not that long ago. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Steve Martin. "Three Amigos" - still one of my favorite "fun" movies to this day. And I absolutely love Claire Danes. I was addicted (and still am) to "My So-Called Life" (and no K-Do, it was because of J.L.). Despite Claire Danes frightening way of crying on screen (see Romeo and Juliet and Brokendown Palace), I really enjoy her as an actress. But "Shopgirl" left me with something to be desired - happiness. Yes, it ends well. But the story in and of itself is kind of sad. However, Jason Schwartzman saved the movie. His character - despite how much of a moron he is - is SO great. Such a hilarious character. Maybe I'm just biased because I find Jason Schwartzman to be funny all the time - the whole two movies I've seen him in.

Yes, that's right. I've only seen him in two other movies - "I Heart Huckabees" and "Rushmore," both of which I loved. I have not seen "Bewitched," "CQ," "Simone," "Slackers," "Everything's Illuminated" nor "Spin." I'm sure there are other movies he's in that I'm missing, but I've just started to scratch the surface in finding them.

So, my movie journey continues, now seeking out the other movies in which Schartzman has graced the screen. I'll keep you posted if I come across any honorable mentions.

(Picture from www.dumb-luck.org)

geek

I don't know about you, but I'm a total movie geek. I love watching all sorts of movies: from your silly Will Ferrel movies, to cheesey girl movies, to animated cartoon features, to artsy indie house flicks. However, over the past couple of years, a lot of movies have been made that I just haven't taken the time to see. When the Oscars came around this year, I had not seen one film that was nominated. That is just sad. I used to LOVE watching the Oscars, and would be rather familiar with each nominated film.

So, as I headed into the summer, I decided that I wanted to get serious about getting caught up on films. I created a list that contains nearly 60 films that I would like to watch. Trust me, this list could continue to grow. Each time I go to the movie store, I find at least one or two more to add. Despite the fact that it might take me a while to make my way through 60 films, I am determined to see them all within the next year (on top of whatever else comes out). That means 5 a month off my list. I should be able to do that!

But my list seems to keep growing. Tonight alone, I went to the store and came back with 5 more to add to the list. YIKES! However, I'm also excited to watch all the movies I have listed. Some of them are movies I should have seen, but never did. Some of them are recommendations from friends. Some of them are ones that I found in the store that I thought looked interesting.

I love films, and I love having a good knowledge of them.

In the weeks since I've finished school, I've gotten 8 films under my belt. 8 films in roughly three weeks. Not too shabby if you ask me. 8 down, 52 to go.

(photo taken from Wikipedia)

remember

My dad and I were watching a Memorial Day Concert on PBS, where they went through each war and remembered the soldiers who gave their lives and those who fought in each one of our wars. As the music swelled, so did the tears in the eyes of each soldier present at the concert, each member of the audience who was there to remember, and the eyes of both my dad and I.

I can't even begin to understand war. I can't even begin to understand what it means to have the freedoms that I do. I have never lived somewhere where I DON'T have these freedoms, and so often, I take them for granted. I can get frustrated with whatever is happening in the government, I can agree or disagree with war...I can feel and think a lot of things. The truth of the matter, each of these individuals gave up their comforts, gave up their time, gave up being with their loved ones, and even gave up their lives in order to preserve my ability to think and speak my mind about such things.

Tomorrow, we wake up on a day that is set aside to remember such individuals. It is a day that I never used to take seriously. It used to be about barbeques, hanging out with family and friends, and getting a day off work. While it's great to have those things, Memorial Day has come to mean so much more to me over the past couple of years. The picture above is a picture of 3 of my friends - 3 sisters - who served in Iraq together. Two of them made it home. One of them did not.

Tomorrow, I will remember all three of them. Tomorrow, I will remember my friend Rachel who I've known and loved since I was 13 - a girl who I spent most of my adolescent years wondering and dreaming about what life would be like as an adult. A girl who has inspired the creative side of me, and who has always amazed me with her own creative gifts. Tomorrow, I will remember her sister Charity, who I have very fond memories of playing night games with, singing with, and cracking jokes with. Charity told (and probably still tells) the greatest stories that are highly animated, and extremely humorous. I remember when she first told me about her now husband, Tony. She was so ennamoured with him, convinced she would marry him, and was extremely animated while telling me about it. I have a fond memory of that moment. And tomorrow, I will remember Michelle, who gave her life serving her country. Michelle was one of those unique individuals who had a gentle spirit, an overabundance of love, and a joyful heart. I can recount many times us trying to learn to swing dance, quoting many movie lines in British accents, and being just plain silly. These three girls are my heroes, and it is them, along with the many others like them, that tomorrow, I will remember.

Thank you to all the soldiers who have served and protected us.

crazy

Was the season finale of Lost crazy or what? Seriously, one of the best shows they've done. I love the fact that some of our questions were answered, and yet, 50 more were raised. There were so many elements, so many plotlines, so many emotions... The episode was so creatively charged (no pun intended).

Kudos to the Lost creators and producers for a job well done.

Brilliant.

three

RAWR!

Yesterday, my dad and I only made it to one place, but it was TOTALLY worth it. Located in the middle of nowhere, in Marshfield, Wisconsin lives a couple named Clyde and Nancy… and their odd collection of metal friends at Jurustic Park.

The picture above is one of the many metal creatures Clyde has created. As we made our way through his garden of friends, Clyde approached us warning that we could only take pictures if we promised not to scare the creatures away – he didn’t want a stampede. He proceeded to give us a tour of his garden, and had quite the schtick to go with it.

He was a riot. He had names for each of his creatures, including the genus names. There were complete stories/descriptions behind the creations. It was absolutely amazing. Below are a couple more of his creations.





His wife is also an artist, but her specialty is glass and knitting. She does all sorts of blown glass – ornaments, buttons, jewelry, and critters – but also does knitting from scratch. She has a friend she buys sheep’s wool from, spins it, dies it, and knits is. She’s extremely talented, and a total sweetheart. The two of them were two of the coolest people, and I feel honored to have gotten to experience their artwork. One of the best stories we heard was one Nancy told to us. She said she had a group of 5th graders at Jurustic Park, and when they got back to school they were to draw their favorite creature and write a story about it. Clyde and Nancy received this amazing card (which they had hanging on their wall) made of some of the drawings, and the students sent them their stories which she kept in a scrap book. SO FUN! How cute! She said they were all extremely creative, and some of their drawings were amazing. She also had a poster up of drawings that a group of mentally challenged people had done that were brilliant. Some of the drawings were so good – you would have never guessed that the artist struggled mentally. My heart was so happy to see such great artwork with such awesome stories attached to them.

It was so fun to be in a place where imagination
and creativity run wild.

two

We started off the morning with a six pack of beer.

Yes, you read that right. A six pack of beer. The world's largest, in fact. Located in LaCrosse is the world's largest six pack. My dad and I headed there to snag a few shots before we headed out of town. The largest six pack in the world contains 22,200 barrels of beer (688,200 gallons). It is enough to fill 7,340,796 cans and could provide one person a six pack a day for 3351 years. Below is the picture of our morning six pack.



Moving along, we headed to Galesville in hopes of finding the original Garden of Eden. Don't think it was in Wisconsin? Well, Reverend D.O. Slyke sure did. In fact, according to the book Weird Wisconsin, he made a bold statement saying that there was no way anyone could prove that this town in Trempleau County WASN'T the original Garden of Eden. Um, I will give him this... the town is definitely beautiful. But as to whether or not it was the original Garden of Eden... Well, I'm sure you know what I think about that. Below is a picture of the statue erected to honor the vision and dream of D.O. Slyke.



My dad and I got a little distracted by a picture we saw in the "Garden of Eden" pamplet we picked up at the Galesville Library. On the back of a pamphlet was a picture of this bridge that crossed a river - one of those old rickety wood & wire bridges that sways when you walk across it. Though slightly disappointed by the height of the bridge (it wasn't nearly as high above the river as we imagined) it was still a fun little side trip to our Garden of Eden stop. Below is a picture of me in the middle of the bridge, pretending that I'm about to jump over the side.



Dunn County provides a tale of it's own as well. Elk Mound is not only a memorial attributed to the dead rural postal carriers of Dunn County (it's true... that's what it's for... the only memorial of it's kind in the nation... go figure), folklore also has it that a dragon is burried beneath Elk Mound, guarding some form of hidden treasure. As we drove up the narrow road to the memorial, the sky got dark and the wind picked up, adding a great deal of "atmosphere" to the tower. In my mind, I imagined just some small stone tower... Little did I know how creepy it'd actually be. It was pretty beat up and worn down, with a fair amount of graffiti and the stairs were rusted and rickety. It was great... So, we took a whole mess of pictures. Below is a picture where you can see the whole structure.



We then headed to Minneapolis, MN (our little detour from Wisconsin) and hung out in a little district called Uptown. We ate dinner at Chino Latino where we had one of the best meals we've had in a long time. We also enjoyed a couple martinis. My dad's was so cool because it had dry ice in the bottom of it, causing it to steam and bubble. Very fun. I don't have a picture from there (they're on my dad's camera) but it'll be up on Flickr at some point in time.

Day two down. Two more days to go. Still have some cool things to see. More to come...

one

A few months ago, my dad asked me if I'd want to go on a roadtrip with him. Seeing as how my dad and I had never been on a trip, and we don't really see each other that much, I thought it'd be an awesome opportunity to hang out with him. So, I agreed, and we began the process of deciding where to go.

After some consideration - consideration that included The Badlands and Niagara Falls - we decided that we didn't want to go somewhere far away and spend the majority of our time in a car. While we still wanted to do the "roadtrip" part of it, we also wanted to see some things. That's when we came up with a unique idea...

About a month ago, our next door neighbors showed us a book entitled "Weird Wisconsin." It's filled with all sorts of novelties, weird attractions, local legends and best kept secrets. We decided it might be interesting to check out some of the places listed... and so that's what we decided to do.

Today marks day one of our roadtrip. We first visited House on the Rock in Spring Green, and then we went to Glarner Stube - a restaurant located in New Glarus that is known to have the midwest's largest urinal. Next on the list was Dr. Evermore's Sculpture Park. We then landed ourselves in La Crosse for the night where we saw the World's Largest Six Pack.

I've put a few pictures below. Unfortunately, I had some problems with my camera in the transferring process... For whatever reason, there was a glitch, and I lost the last 17 pictures, including the ones from the sculpture park (which were my dad and I's favorites!) So, even though I'm incredibly bummed we lost those pictures, I figured I'd still post some other ones for your viewing pleasure.


This was taken at House on the Rock. It was a bridge-like room called "The Infinity Room." The design of it was pretty cool, and it had a stellar view.


This also was taken at House on the Rock. It's my dad and I in a mirror in the Blue Room. It turned out pretty grainy because it was extremely dark inside the room. But I still thought this was kind of a fun picture.


House on the Rock - the AMAZING carousel. It had over 20,000 lights, and not one of the figures was a horse. It was absolutely breathtaking! I've never seen anything like it. This picture isn't the one I got that I was really excited about. I lost my two favorite carousel pictures in the transfer. Stupid camera. But, this one will at least give you a feel for all the crazy colors and lights.


I decided to spare you the picture of the urinal. It was pretty gross. And, it was slightly disappointing because it's only about 4 feet tall. But, it was a great restaurant. Extremely tasty New Glaurus Spotted Cow Beer. So, I thought I'd include a picture of Glarner Stube. And I mean, with a name like that? I couldn't leave it out.

I'll put up all my pictures up on my Flickr account
within the next few days.

For now, I'm off to bed.
Busy day tomorrow on day two of the Dad & Tory roadtrip.

graduate

Well friends... the time has finally arrived. This evening, I took my last undergraduate final. My career as an undergrauate student has come to a close. I'm done. Finisimo! Technically, graduation isn't until Sunday, but since I'm not going through the ceremony, I'm officially declaring myself a graduate. I can't believe that after attending multiple schools, changing my major a bunch of times, and taking roughly 2.5 years off, I am finally able to say that I am a college graduate. But I am. I'm done. I now have a degree.

And it feels good.

(photo belongs to chris2k at sxc.hu)

heysátan

I thought I would post something on a bit of a lighter note. Granted, the majority of you don't really have much interest in what I'm listening to, but for the two of you who do, I would like to present you with my most recent playlist. I have acquired a bit of new music over the past few weeks. However, I find myself pulling out some old tunes as well. So this is currently what I'm listening to... And no, the title of the playlist does not read "HEY SATAN" though that's what it looks like. It's actually pronouced hey-sow-tahn (I think), which means "The Haystack." What do you expect... it's Icelandic.

Anyway, here's what's tickling my ears:

"Heysátan"

Busting Up A Starbucks - by Mike Doughty (thanks Gina!)
Everyday - by This Providence
Steady As She Goes - by The Raconteurs
Good Morning, Hypocrite - by Electric President
Eyes - by Rogue Wave
You Come and I Go - by Hotel Lights
East From West - by Denison Witmer
From the Morning - by Nick Drake
Thirty Three - by Smashing Pumpkins
The Sun of the Soul - by Trevorside
Goodnight and Go - by Imogen Heap
Calculation Theme - by Metric
I Fall Apart - by Film Dialogue
Bright As Yellow - by The Innocence Mission
Lovestruck - by Iko
Sad & Beautiful World - by Sparklehorse
The Sun & The Moon - by Mae
Auto Rock - by Mogwai
Hemipode - by Amina
Heysátan - by Sigur Ros

help

The title of my post makes me think of the Beatles song "Help," and I must say, it's quite fitting in multiple ways.

Why is it that so often, I can't get my actions to match my words, or even what I am thinking about? Why is it that taking action seems so hard?

I realize I've written a lot about this lately. What can I say? I've had numerous conversations about this recently, and you can see from my blog posts throughout the past couple of months that I've really been wrestling with a lot of social issues. So bear with me as I continue to wrestle and talk through some of this. I've noticed how easy it has become to TALK about social issues - to talk about compassion - and yet, for whatever reason, not get myself to actually do anything about it.

It should not be this way.

If love, compassion, and change was what really compelled me, I wouldn't even have to think about it, right? If I am really, truly living the way Jesus wants me to, I'd like to think I wouldn't have to put forth so much effort - wouldn't it just come naturally?

I know that as humans, we have tendencies to be selfish. We have tendencies to want to be comfortable, in control, and safe. However, I know individuals who are shattering that mold. Individuals who seem to be living out what they're saying, and they seem to be doing it effortlessly. And my question is - how do I get there from where I am - where it seems it's always a conscious thing, never acting purely out of love and compassion, but rather a mixture of those with guilt. How do I get to a place where my efforts towards change come out of pure passion and effortless devotion?

Any ideas?

Is passion something you either have or don't have, or is it something you can cultivate? Is it something that the more you make an effort, the less of an effort it will become over time? I don't know... All I know is that in my brain, and in my words, I seem to be saying, "I want to help people." But what do I do on a daily basis that actually reflects that? And what are my motives for wanting to help people? To feel better about myself, or because I genuinely love and care for them?

Maybe I'm the one that needs help!

2

Some of you may know that I have an immense interest in learning about personality types, gifts, birth order, etc. (there are times where I think I should have been a psychology major). A while back, a friend of my brother's sent me to a website to take what is called an Enneagram test - which is basically just a personality test. At Thanksgiving, my brother, sister-in-law, and her family got into a discussion about our results. My sister-in-law is a 7, which by nature is extremely proud of being that number. When I explained to her that my not being proud of being a 2 came from actually BEING a 2, it launched us into an even more interesting conversation.

With trying to figure out what I want to do once I finally finish school this May, I have been exploring some of these things further. What kind of a personality do I have and where would it best fit? What are my gifts? What are my passions? What sorts of things will help me? Hinder me? As I thought about all of these things, I decided to revisit the whole Enneagram thing, and found some very interesting descriptions. I thought I would share some of them with you because it's unbearably accurate, but still REALLY interesting... Well, at least to me... If it's not interesting to you... well, you can just stop reading any time your little heart desires.

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the profile for an
Enneagram #2: The Helper
(found at www.9types.com)

Helpers are warm, concerned, nurturing, and sensitive to other people's needs.

How to Get Along with Me
- Tell me that you appreciate me. Be specific.
- Share fun times with me.
- Take an interest in my problems, though I will try to focus on yours.
- Let me know that I am important and special to you.
- Be gentle if you decide to criticize me.

In Intimate Relationships
- Reassure me that I am intersting to you.
- Reassure me often that you love me.
- Tell me I'm attractive and that you're glad to be with me.

What I Like About Being a Two
- being able to relate easily to people and to make friends
- knowing what people need and making their lives better
- being generous, caring, and warm
- being sensitive to and perceptive about others' feelings
- being enthusiastic and fun-loving; a good sense of humor

What's Hard About Being a Two
- not being able to say no
- having low self-esteem
- feeling drained from overdoing for others
- not doing things I like to do for myself for fear of being selfish
- criticizing myself for not feeling as loving as I think I should
- being upset that others don't tune in to me as I do them
- working hard to be tactful and considerate that I suppress my feelings

Twos as Children Often
- are very sensitive to disapproval and criticism
- try hard to please parents by being helpful and understanding
- are outwardly compliant
- are popular or try to be popular with other children
- act coy, precocious, or dramatic in order to get attention
- are clowns and jokers (the more extroverted Twos), or quiet and shy (the more introverted Twos)

Twos as Parents
- are good listeners
- love their children unconditionally
- are warm and encouraging (or suffer guilt if they aren't)
- are often playful with their children
- wonder: "Am I doing it right?" "Am I giving enough?" "Have I caused irreparable damage?"
- can become fiercely protective

Here's the "cycle" of a 2:

Need to be loved -> help others -> loved -> Need to be loved

In the healthy state, the need to be loved induces Type Twos to help others which causes them to be loved. When Twos feel loved, the need is satisfied and a balance is reached.

In the average state, when Twos' are not helping others and are not loved, the need to be loved increases, which helps Twos to again reach out and help others. Thus the balancing loop can help Twos to recover.

Unhealthy loop controlled by Basic Fear: Fear of being unloved -> resent and manipulate others -> loved -> Fear of being unloved

In the unhealthy state, the basic fear of being unloved can cause Type Twos to feel resentful and try to manipulate others into loving them. This can cause people to love them even less, which further increases Twos' basic fear. The cycle continues to build up.

Insight:
We can see from the diagram that a way to help break the control of the basic fear is to weaken the unhealthy loop. Twos can refrain from manipulating others but start to genuinely help others. This will cause Twos to be loved, and thus reduce the fear of being unloved.


Granted, this is just one perspective, but still, this stuff fascinates me...I think I'll have to further look into this. My sister-in-law gave me a book a while back that I never got around to reading called "The Real You" which is about personality types and birth order. Now that school is almost over, I will have some more time to do a lot of the reading I've wanted to do for a while now.

Should be an interesting study.