myspace

A while back, I had posted some ideas/thoughts about myspace. I was pretty hesitant about the whole thing, mostly because I had heard way too many creepy stories. However, as the past few months have passed, I have decided that as embarrassing as it is to admit this, I LOVE myspace. And here are two reasons why...

Music.

Over the past two months, I have come across NUMEROUS bands that I would never have found had it not been for myspace. The way it's set up is brilliant. Artists have their own pages, and then they also have a "pool" of friends which usually contains other artists. I have found so many different bands and musicians through this sort of "linking" system. Bands such as Jose Gonzalez (who's on Conan tonight - whoo hoo!), Iko, Northern Room, Hotel Lights, The Popular Belief, Trevorside, Scott Matthews, and Momentary. Some of them are just local bands trying to get heard, while others are indie bands trying to gain a larger fan base. Whatever the case is, I'm way excited for all the access to new music. For someone who's a bit of a music junkie, it's paradise.

Friends.

So, I was pretty stoked to reunite with some old friends... There were some from my old church, the one that I grew up in. Some friends from Heritage (where I attended for elementary and high school), as well as some friends from Judson (college). But I was so excited tonight when I was contacted by an old friend from Judson who I haven't talked to in a really long time. Out of all the people I met at Judson, he was probably one of the ones who impacted me the most, on multiple levels. I never imagined I'd get to hear from him again. But tonight, I logged on to myspace, and I noticed a "friend request" waiting to be viewed; I nearly peed my pants when I saw who it was. Not only do I get to "catch up" with this old friend, but I get to find out about his wife (who I always thought was such a cool girl) and his two beautiful daughters. How great is that?

So, while there's a part of me who wants to cower away from admitting that I am even ON myspace, I must say, it has proven to be great thing. Granted, I still think it's a little weird and a little creepy... but so many cool things have come from it.

So I will say it: My name is Tory. And I'm addicted to Myspace.

puzzle

Did you ever wonder about your puzzle pieces?

I mean, did you ever wonder about all the small bits and pieces that compose your life? Your family, your friends, your education, your faith, daily events, the strangers you meet, your unusual trip to the supermarket the other day... All these fragments, these slivers of life all blended together to create what you know as "your life." Do you ever wonder about them? Like, what would happen if one of those pieces of the puzzle were missing? Would it be a vital piece of the puzzle, or one of the corner pieces that you assume got lost under some random piece of furniture, never to be found again?

I've been thinking a lot about my puzzle pieces lately, the little bits and pieces that make up everything I have ever known. I've come across some old pictures - some that make me eternally grateful that that period in my life is over, and some that make me deeply miss people and places in my life. I wonder about all the people that have I have come to know - how they've contributed to and impacted my life. I think about the people who never knew they had an impact on me, people who I'll probably never get to thank; the people who I admired from afar, never getting to know them well, but knowing deep down there was something good about them that made me strive to be better. I love to think about the people who I HAVE known, and who have been more than I could have ever dreamed of in a friend. I also think about the people who have caused me deep pain, which in turn has helped me to grow. And what about the people who are currently popping in and out of my life... where will they be 10 years down the road? Where will I be?

I think about where I went to school, where I went to church, how I spent my summers, what I created and dreamed about as a kid, what I've created and dreamed about as an adult, the places I've traveled to both physically and in my thoughts, the stories I've lived out and created, the faith I've held so tightly to, and yet questioned each step along the way...

All of these things have molded me. They have shaped my past, and will shape my future. But I wonder what pieces are still missing? How will some pieces connect with other ones? Will I lose some pieces along the way? Will my puzzle ever be complete, or will I constantly be looking for that one piece that goes in the middle, the one that seems to connect them all?

I know, some of you have answers to those questions... I do too... but my heart still wonders about the puzzle despite the fact that my head knows one day it will be complete.

And did you ever notice... puzzles seem to take FOREVER to put together. I think I got the 10,000 piece box.

(photo found here)

you, me, us & them

Last night, I had a dream...

In my dream, I came up with a briliant idea for a blog. It was creative, it was witty, it was fun, it was interactive...
But I can't for the life of me remember what I wanted it to be. The only thing I can remember about it was that the title was going to be you, me, us and them. I have NO idea where that name came from, or what I was going to attribute it to. I remember in my dream being half awake and half asleep, and thinking to myself "I have to remember this dream! I have to remember to create this blog!" and woke up only remembering the title.

You, Me, Us, & Them

Maybe the more I say the name to myself, the better my chances will be of remembering it. Probably not though.

sites

Hey one and all.

I wanted to make you aware of two sites that I have listed on my side bar. The first one is Lemon Lime Kids. My sister-in-law Amy absolutely loves kids, but even more, she loves teaching people how to work with children. So, she started a website! You should check it out. It's lots of fun! It is a "fresh approach to children's ministry." Her goal is to help you "train, recruit and encourage children's ministry volunteers so that all children will experience God's love." You can learn more about her, what she does, what services she offers, and the chronicles of her experiences with children and leaders! The website is www.lemonlimekids.com, or you can follow the link on the right.

The second one is my brother and his friend's company called Imago Media. They are a media production company, providing services in web design, video production, graphic design, and conference production. Their site is pretty cool, and they even have a blog, listing all of the crazy technological things they've come across and what they're reading.The site is www.imagomedia.com, or again, there is a link on the right.

I just wanted to give a shout out for my brother and sister-in-law, and their cool sites! So go check 'em out!

story

The Art of Creating A Story:

Great Because: You can create a completely different world.

Sucks Because: You can't actually live in it.

gifts

I never really thought that "receiving gifts" would be on the high end of my love languages. Giving gifts, sure. That is totally one of my love languages as far as showing love. I absolutely love to give gifts, and I try to get really creative with them. Sometimes I have a really hard time getting creative, and that can be really frustrating. But most of the time, I LOVE to give gifts. However, until recently, I never really thought I was much for receiving them. Granted, I like them, but they're not what speak volumes to me as far as feeling loved. Or so I thought...

I have three examples of how this thought has recently been changed. Granted, two of them happened in the past, but just came to mind recently, and really made me rethink how much gifts really mean to me.

Example one:

When I was a freshman in college, I had a friend named Colin. He was a bit older than I was - a senior - but was friends with some of my friends, therefore, giving us an odd sort of friendship. I can remember one day, sitting on a ratty old couch in the art building, facing this gigantic picture window that overlooked a courtyard. It was raining - gray, dreary, and drippy - not as exciting as a thunderstorm. I began to tell Colin about my fascination with thunderstorms and tornados. I told him that as a little kid, I even had my own weather station which was ironically situated in a tree. I told him there weren't a lot of things in life that energized me more than a good thunderstorm, and nothing better to listen to when falling asleep. He listened to my laments about our lack of thunderstorms, and how I missed having that sound to fall asleep to. The rain didn't turn into a thunderstorm that day, and I couldn't even hear a faint patter of raindrops on the roof of my dorm because I was on the first floor. The next day, I ran into Colin in the cafeteria. He handed me a tape. I asked him waht was on it as it had no label, and he simply said, "Just listen to it... But you have to wait until you're getting ready to go to bed." I had just finished brushing my teeth, and was about to crawl into bed when I remembered the tape. I stuck it in my stereo, and was met by loud cracks and booms. A thunderstorm. Colin had made a tape of thunderstorm sounds for me to fall asleep to. I had never received a gift like that from anyone - no one had ever cared to take something so simplistic and small, yet so meaningful to me, and packaged it in a small gift to bring great amounts of joy. That gift meant the world to me.

Example two:
I'm not sure how many years ago this conversation happened, but it had to be at least 10 years ago. My mom was driving my brother either to or from Judson, and I, as usual, was riding along. Kelly and I got into a conversation about what we think might make a cool band name - you know, if we were to ever start one. He came up with the name "Throwing Exacto." There is a company on Rt. 31 called "Exacto" which is where he got the idea for the name. I however, being 14, came up with a brilliant name. "Silver's Myth" Wow. How creative am I? Man, what a sucky name. I actually had been reading my bible and came across the word "silversmith" and thought I'd play on that word... Anyway, one Christmas, my brother decided that he'd take the name I had created and write a poem with the same title. He wrote the poem, and then found a picture of us when we were little, and put the picture and poem side by side in a frame. I remember when I opened it, being completely shocked by what my brother had given me. Not only had he remembered the name I came up with, he had used it to create a gift for me, one that expressed his love for me as his sister. Tears came to my eyes. To this day, it is by far my most cherished gift.

Example three:
The other night, I had one of the greatest musical experiences I've had to this date (although, Sigur Ros is coming in May... that may end up being a hard act to compete with). I went to the Coldplay concert. Back in January, I was chatting with EBrown about going to the Coldplay concert. I have never seen them, but have always wanted to. They're one of my all-time favorite bands, and I was thinking they'd put on a pretty slick show. Well, one night, I was talking to EBrown on the phone, and she told me that she had gotten me tickets for my birthday/graduation. I felt as though I would burst with joy, I was so excited. No one has ever purchased me concert tickets before (I don't think... if you have, and I've forgotten, my DEEPEST apologies), and especially not to Coldplay. I felt so loved! And how fun to be attending the concert with another fellow Coldplay lover! I'm so grateful to EBrown for such an awesome gift.

Now, I don't mean to say that I haven't received other cool gifts in the past. I have! For sure! And people have been creative before, giving me things that really catered to my interest. My friend SCataldo got me an AMAZING book for my birthday one year (which I think cost her an arm and a leg) that I was so SO excited about. But even though I have received such cool gifts, like I said, until just a few days ago, I didn't think I could have claimed "receiving gifts" as being high on my love language list. I am all about time spent. So maybe it's the combination between time spent AND gift giving that makes the gift giving so special... you know? Time spent listening to my long story about thunderstorms and making a tape of thunderstorm sounds, time spent writing a poem, and time spent with me at a concert. The gifts of going out for dinner, out to coffee, and on road trips... Those are the greatest gifts... and what make me feel most loved.

Love languages are interesting, hey?

ability

I have the ability to inspire, and the ability to crush dreams.
I have the ability to encourage and condemn.
I have the ability to cooperate, and the ability to fight.
I have the ability to heal, and to hurt.
To give and to steal.
I have the ability to love and to hate.
I have the ability to cherish, and the ability to waste.
I have the ability to care and ignore.
I have the ability to teach and deceive.
To grieve with, and to mock.
I have the ability to see and to be blind.
I have the ability to serve and to demand.
I have the ability to be honest and to lie.
I have the ability to be humble and arrogant.
To be open and closed.
I have the ability to choose, and not to choose.
I have the ability to make a change, and to let things remain.
I have the ability…
To do a lot of things.
The question is not what I can do,
But what I am doing.

night

My brother told me not that long ago that there was an American Express commercial featuring M. Night Shyamalan. He told me this because he knows of my great fascination with M. Night. If asked who I would most want to work with in the film industry, it'd be a tough question to answer - there's lots of contenders, lots of directors who I think are amazing. However, for whatever reason, M. Night takes the cake. There is something about his films that greatly intrigue me, and I love his style of filmmaking.

Check out the American Express commercial. It's fun!

vote

Ok folks...

Over the past couple of months or so, I have really been debating about what I want to do after graduation. I definitely have pros and cons for each. But there are times where it just comes down to "what fits." I can analyze it until I'm blue in the face, but at the end of the day, I'm left wondering, "What seems most natural? What makes the most sense? What direction does my life reflect?"

That being said, I decided that I wanted input from other people that know me. I think that to some extent, I can only see so much from my skewed perspective. I'm thinking that someone else might be able to point something out to me that I never thought of, or haven't even considered before. I already have a close circle of friends and family that I've been talking with, and they have graciously given me their thoughts... However, I thought it'd be interesting to get other perspectives.

So, I'm wondering what you all think... I'm going to list a few different things, and I would love for you to vote by commenting for which you think bests "suits" me. I know this may seem like a weird question, but go with it... :) I realize that some of these may not even come to fruition - I may not even be presented with the opportunity to pursue them. And some of them may not even happen until a few years from now. But I'm still interested in thoughts...

1.) Production Assistant in the film industry
2.) Residence Director at a college
3.) Ministry
4.) Editorial Assistant (publishing industry)
5.) Freelance Writer
6.) Elementary Teacher
7.) Administrative Assistant
8.) Graphic Designer/Photography
9.) Drifter
10.) Joaquin Phoenix's Wife

Those last two I was just kidding... Well, maybe not number 10.

Ok peeps... let me know your thoughts.

note

Note To Self:

When purchasing concert tickets, don't assume that because there is a flat rate price for all the tickets, that it is therefore general admission, and you can sit wherever you want on a first come first serve basis. Pay attention when they give you a "location description" and look to see where that location is.

Otherwise, you will be stuck with two tickets to a show you were dying to see, but will be wondering if you'll even get to see them from the seats you have.

Luckily, it's more about the music than the visual, right? I just wish I wasn't such a visual person.

Dang.

list

To Do List

1.) Love people more.
2.) Challenge myself daily - don't expect others to do it.
3.) Learn to listen better.
4.) Work harder on my "before I die" list.
5.) Love people more.
6.) Anger is no good. Get rid of it.
7.) Support the cause I wear around my wrist.
8.) Love people more.
9.) Listen to "Light & Day" by P.S. once a day. It's theraputic.
10.) Get unaddicted to caffeine. Once school is over.
11.) Meet at least one new person each week.
12.) Love people more.
13.) Find inspiration.
14.) Laugh.
15.) Make sure my friends and family know I love them.
16.) Be less dramatic.
17.) Move around. Movement is good.
18.) Get off my soapbox. Learn more.
19.) Get to know my community.
20.) Love people more.

coming

They're coming.

From Iceland.

I will NOT miss them again.

One of my absolute favorite bands.

Their music is amazing.


And I want to see them.

When they come to Milwaukee.

Sigur Ros.

Amen.

walk

Today was beautiful out. Granted, not ideal (there was no sun). But one cannot be too picky. The temperature was great - brisk, but not too cold. The snow is melting, providing some monster puddles, and as my mom said, "It's beautiful, and every bird in the neighborhood has something to say about it." I'll take it.

So instead of hitting the gym (which, terribly enough, I haven't been to for probably 2 weeks), I decided it was time to get up, stretch my legs, and take a walk around the neighborhood. I wandered through a neighborhood full of memories. I walked down the street we used to play night games on with the Witmers (along with their foreign exchange student - Jose!), the Burglunds, the two brothers and sister who lived across the street from them, and any other kid we could snag. I walked past my old babysitter's house, who's father gave me a rather inappropriate nickname for a little girl, which I refuse to repeat. I walked my old paper route, past the house that had the gianormous boxer named Joey who, at times, posed a bit of an obstacle when delivering the newspaper (which I had to set under a rock on their porch - how old school!). I walked past the entrance to "Ricky's Trails" - the "forbidden" dirt bike hills where all the boys went to hide their dirty magazines. I went there once in my own naivety, having no clue why people went there... I escaped the wrath of my parents only because I had no idea about the happenings of the hills. I walked past the houses of childhood friends, childhood enemies, and even the old grounds of the abandoned school kids used to explore - Echo Glenn (which, as I've mentioned before, I think would be an awesome band name). It was definitely a walk of memories... Way better than what the treadmill had to offer.

And of course, a good walk can't go with out a good music mix to accompany it. Here is the current "work out" mix.
(Sorry CaraCatalio)

"All We Ever Needed"

"Seventeen Years" - by Ratatat (thanks Aaron)
"Dare" - by Gorillaz
"That's the Way We Get By" - Spoon
"Undertaker Strut" - Ed Harcourt (thanks Jeff)
"My Doorbell" - The White Stripes
"She Don't Use Jelly" - The Flaming Lips (bring back memories, Rae?)
"Dance, Dance" - Fall Out Boy
"Widow" - The Mars Volta (thanks Kyle)
"Helena" - My Chemical Romance
"Sometimes" - Ours
"All We Ever Needed" - The Early November
"The Bird That You Can't See" - Apples in Stereo
"Ha Ha" - Mates of State
"Fight Song" - The Appleseed Cast
"Dutch On the Radio" - Northern Room
"Everything I Once Had" - The Honorary Title

retraction

Rarely do I retract something that I write. I would love to be one of those people who's extremely passionate and confident in everything that they write. That is not the case for me however. Often times, I post in haste with a mind full of thoughts that are only half processed, resulting in something that is typically incoherent and less than beautiful. In the case of my last post entitled "Race" I decided that it was poorly written, conveying only half of my thoughts, and ultimately, suggesting things I didn't really want to suggest. I want to extend my appreciation to Lucy who left a very good, very thorough comment with lots of really great thoughts. I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts and opinions. I apologize for deleting my post because along with it, your comment was also deleted. But, as I mentioned at the beginning of the post, my thoughts were not fully processed - which ended up creating a post that was not accurately representative.

I apologize if I offended anyone. Please feel free to shoot me an email if you'd like to talk about it further. But for now, I think it's best that I removed it. Thanks.