beauty in breakdown

I was emailing a friend of mine today. I was explaining to him some of the things that have been going through my brain lately. I have really been struggling in my journey with God, and I shared with him a few things that I've been struggling with. One of the main things is that I feel is that the church has taken things so fundamental to me - so basic & core to my relationship with God, and have perverted it, trampled on it, and turned it into something not even recognizable anymore.
I have lost my connection to these things...They feel so rigid. So structured. It doesn't seem beautiful.

I began to throw a lot of questions out. I then came to the realization that it is in this period of questioning that I believe God draws us closer. When we come to him unveiled and honest, it is then that we can have an awesome sense of community with Him. Not that God can't take a hold of us through the barriers we ourselves put up, but it makes it that much sweeter when we come to him in an honest fashion.

There is a song from Garden State called "Let Go" by Frou Frou. There is a line in the song that says, "It's alright because there's beauty in breakdown." I was thinking about that, and how it can kind of relate to God. I think there is beauty when we are broken before Him. I think it's a beautiful thing when someone can be so brutally honest with God, and expect honesty in return. I began to think about how honest I've been with Him, and I have a ways to go. But it's something that I've decided is important to me. Looking for beauty in my journey with God has become such a huge desire...Even if it's beauty in breakdown.