leland

Do you ever have those moments, those times in life that meet you where you're at, and speak volumes to you without even expecting it, or knowing how to react towards it? That is kind fo what happened to me this evening. I just finished watching "The United States of Leland" and I can't even put into words how the movie made me feel. This movie is so sad - in an "American Beauty" sort of way, yet for whatever reason, I resonated with it so much. I wish I could describe it to you, but the words just won't come. If you have a tolerance for language, I would highly recommend watching it. However, if you're in a funk, it probably won't squelch that funk but rather encourage it. If you do end up watching it, let me know... I'd love someone else to process it with.

checkers

she peered down at the pieces before her. red. black. round.
they each had their place.
some had already been eliminated, having exited the game earlier.
they were jumped.
robbed of their opportunity to succeed.
but that's how the game's played, isn't it?
she continued to stare at the pieces.
some of them crowned.
those were the pieces that knew what they were doing.
going somewhere. becoming something.
kings.
others hid in the corners of the board
unsure of their next move, and unable to be jumped.
cowards.
she looked at the pieces in the middle of the board.
plenty of potential, and no protection.
they were out there, exposed
but at least they were playing the game
they were moving forward
there was a goal ahead of them
they were determined
fearless
everything had its place.
then, the board was flipped.
he took his right foot, raised it quickly,
and kicked the board.
bastard.
the pieces scattered.
some hit the floor
some rolled away, never to be found.
the pieces no longer had their place
those that had become kings lost their status
joining the rest of the low-lives on the floor
the game was over
pieces scattered
and a new game would have to begin
as soon as she picked up the pieces.

the shadowlands

I'm sitting here listening to a beautiful song by Ryan Adams. It's called "The Shadowlands". The first line is, "God please bring the rain, yeah bring it soon." Such a beautiful song. A friend of mine has totally been getting into music and asked me to give him a list of the things I had been listening to lately. I decided to do some song searching of my own, and here's what I found that I think is worth checking out...

The Shadowlands - Ryan Adams
Snow Day - Matt Pond PA
Even If I Feel Better - Phoenix
Dig the Lightning - Robbers on High Street
Eleanor - Low Millions
Why Is My Sleeping Bag A Ghetto Muppet - Chin Up Chin Up

The last one has the GREATEST name for a song. But it's kind of fun. These are the few songs that I found that I'm digging right now. You should check them out, for sure. So great.

I hope to write some of my thoughts on here in the next few days, but I've been trying to process a lot lately and it's all kind of muddled up in my head. I can't seem to think straight.

But for now, enjoy some new tunes.

in the middle

Ok. I realize that I often attribute what I'm feeling, and also express how I'm feeling through music. Dunno why... Music just, well, works... I wish I had more profound thoughts for you this evening. Maybe some more will come to me later on. But I was driving home tonight, when this song came on the radio. Now, I'm a huge Jimmy Eat World fan. Love em. However, the song "In The Middle" drove me nuts when it first came out - mostly because it was so overplayed. Well, I hadn't heard it in a really long time, and it came on the radio as I was driving home, and it was so cool because it was the best song for me to hear at that moment. You know, I never payed attention to the lyrics, but they're kinda cool... Well, at least tonight they were kinda cool... Encouraging to me anyway... So I thought I'd share a little bit of them with you all...

Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time,
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright alright.
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now, yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
It just takes some time,
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright alright.
It just takes some time,
Little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright (alright).
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time,
little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything, everything will be just fine,
Everything, everything will be alright alright.

block

You'd think that as an English major, writing papers would come naturally. Well, typically, for me that writing does come naturally! I can usually sit down at a computer and whip out a 3-4 page paper, no problem. Well, this semester has kicked me in the pants as far as papers are concerned. I don't know if it's total writer's block, not understanding the material enough, not being focused... Whatever the case is, I'm doggie paddling through these papers. No idea what I'm doing.

The one paper I'm currently working on is actually really interesting, and I wish I had more time to develop it and be more creative. I have to write an intellectual dialogue between Martin Luther King Jr, Gandhi, and H.D. Thoreau where we are discussing civil disobedience in some way shape or form. Like I said, the topic and type of paper really interests me, but I'm getting my butt kicked as far as how to go about doing this!

Anyway, this was my brief little public service announcement for the morning. Actually, I'm just really distracted and not focused, and hoping some sort of ephiphany as to what I should write will come. So, we'll see what becomes of my papers.

z.b.

In honor of this horrible, er, I mean, most wonderful day, I thought I would take the time to honor Zach Braff. Could there be a greater man to celebrate? I know, all my married friends are out there saying, "I could make an arguement for that..." Well, here is my "behold" for the day. Behold the greatness that is Zach Braff. Behold the man with amazing musical taste. Behold the man with the talent to not only act, but to write and direct. Behold the man who can make us laugh one minute, and cry the next. Behold the man that makes me melt! :)

I know, I'm giddy like a school girl. But hey, I've got nothing else to do on this wretched, I mean, great day.
Hehehe...

Ah, Zach Braff...

from the past

I had a bit of an odd occurence last night - but a good odd occurence. A friend and I decided to go check out this "young adult" type church that's on the east side of Milwaukee. We thought that a friend of ours was doing worship for it (found out he wasn't) and, well, we just thought it'd be pretty cool to check out. It was a church that was started because of a bunch of small groups. There were a lot of small groups that were meeting, and then, they just decided to start a church from that. Kind of cool.

Anyway, so my friend Jerica and I walk into the building, and needless to say, it was a little awkward. Now, I can be outgoing at times, and I can also be really shy. At that moment, I was super shy. So, Jerica and I just stood there talking. A few minutes later, this girl named Mel approached us, introduced herself, and started a conversation with us. We weren't a minute into the conversation when all of a sudden I heard "TORY! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?" I look to see who's shouting my name, only to see my roommate from Judson College who I haven't seen in about 3 or 4 years. CRAZINESS! Her name is Emily, and she was one of the first friends I made at Judson, and was also my roommate my sophomore year. Now, it's not all THAT odd because she is from the Racine area. However, it's just odd that of all the places to run into her, I would run into her there. So, we chatted a bit... As we did, I was like, "Hey, I went to high school with him... and with her." And then Emily was like, "Yeah, we found out about this place because of Chad." Now, oddly, I've known quite a few Chads in my time. I racked my brain through the Chads we would have both known... Finally found a match, and again, someone I had not seen in a couple years. He meandered in later in the night, and I was able to talk to him for a bit. He's always been one of the artsy folk, and I've known him to have long hair, but it's out of control now! hahaha... long and dreaded he is! It was really cool to see him though. What a blast from the past last night!

It's so crazy though because when I experience stuff like that, I can't seem to get it off the brain. For instance, I woke up this morning, and one of my first thoughts was "I can't believe I saw Emily and Chad last night!" It was so exciting and cool to see them. They are definitely people I wouldn't mind having back in my life. Just crazy though to have run into them. Weird how things like that happen.

possible, but not probable

Breaking News! Ok, so it's not really all that exciting... But, check it out one and all... Blogger has changed their methods to commenting. Now, you no longer have to post as Anonymous, or have an account with Blogger. Simply select "Post Comment" and where it asks you who you want to post as, select "Other" and it will allow you to type in your name, and if you have a website, you can list that as well. This makes the commenting world on Blogger so much easier!

So now my friends, commenting has become much more possible. More than likely though, not more probable...

randomness

my blog has no direction today. just a whole lot of randomness. bare with me. no caps today either.

i was reading through some of the other blogs i frequent on a semi-regular basis, and realized, they have a lot more comments than i do. this brought me to a few different thoughts:

a) very few, if any (other than my mom - bless her loyal soul) read my blog.
b) i don't post anything of any importance to anyone else (things only i find interesting)
c) people are vindictive and mean and don't want me to know that secretly they're reading my blog, taking ideas from it and making millions off of it while i sit here wallowing in school loans or
d) the commenting feature on this blog is too frustrating and it's easier to just read

i somehow think c is probably out, because honestly, my blog's not that fantastic. i would like to believe that b isn't the case because i have had conversations with those of you out there, and i know that some of my thoughts are your thoughts as well. maybe i go a little overboard on the music thing, but well, hey... what can i say. that leaves me with a or d. now, knowing that you have to either register or post annonymously, i'm thinking that's kind of annoying to most of you. so, i'm going with d. how's that for process of elimination?

i'm home sick today (will this darn cough never end?), hence the reason of my random thinking. somehow being sick and thinking random thoughts go hand in hand. maybe it's because when you're sick, you have all this time to think. eventually, you've thought about all the normal stuff so much, that you eventually have to start thinking about random things, or you'd be thinking about nothing at all. just a thought.

i have no clue what to do with my life. any suggestions?

side note for everyone to be aware of: i'm a terrible game player. i've always known this about myself, but there were four witnesses of my wrath this past sunday as i played a brutal game of uno. yes, uno. you know it's bad when you begin to swear at people in hebrew. all apologies to jen... i know she doesn't read this, but she gave me one too many "draw fours" and "draw twos" and seemed to keep laying down colors i didn't have... lets just say lots of yelling and name calling happened.

alright. that's enough randomness for the day. maybe i'll write a more pointed entry later.

O.C. confuses emotion

Ok, so I'm not a fan of the O.C. I don't really have anything against the show, per se, but I don't ever watch it. However, can I tell you about my confused emotion towards the show. On the one hand, I love the fact that they are taking up and coming artists, and giving them air time. There are some AMAZING artists that have been played on the show, and have shown up on the soundtracks (which by the way, their on #4 - due out in March I believe). So, while I'm happy that they're taking unknowns and making them known, I'm also sad because now I feel like any time I come upon an artist that I REALLY dig, they have been a part of the O.C. music line up, and for that, I feel dumb. I mean, who wants to say, "So, I really like the band Keane." and some high school student who is obsessed with the O.C. says, "Yeah, that song by them was played when so and so kissed so and so!" I mean, I just don't want to have that kind of association either. You know? Many of my current favorite artists appear have had air time on the O.C. including: The Album Leaf, Turin Brakes, Ben Kweller, Jem, Jimmy Eat World, Keane, The Dandy Warhols, Death Cab for Cutie, and more...

My current music pick would be Flunk's album "Morning Star", which I just learned will have a song appearing on the O.C. #4 mix. This is SUCH a great CD. I was wandering through the store "Anthropology" when this song came on that just stuck in my head. I loved it! The song, I later found out, was "Blind My Mind". Well, because things are slow getting to the midwest, I learned that song has already been pretty big elsewhere, but I felt like I had stumbled upon something no on was aware of yet. Anyway, I still dig the CD... Check it out if you get a chance. It kind of makes me think of Mazzy Star, but with some funkier beats. Very cool. My favorite track thus far I think is "Spring To Kingdom Come" - however, that is subject to change the more I listen to the album.

Anyway, I guess this was just kind of a "thanks" to the O.C. for giving unknowns a chance, but also a "HEY! STOP IT!' to them as well - let us find our artists on our own! :) Hehehe... Acutally, I'm kind of grateful because I've found a lot I really dig because of them (Album Leaf being the most recent one).

But check out Flunk. Good stuff my friends, good stuff.