migration

I had this teacher in high school. My brother had him when he was in high school, I had a lot of friends who had taken his class during their junior year, and I had heard a lot of things about him. I heard he was an incredibly hard teacher, but that he was also well worth having as a teacher. He was one of those teachers who constantly challenged his students, sometimes to the point of scaring them, but his aim was to grow the student. And 95% of the time, that's exactly what he did.

As I was sharing parts of my life with a friend yesterday, I remembered a lecture my teacher gave me my senior year in high school. We were at this conference where we were each to represent some sort of organization or coalition, and discuss with other students what changes we wanted made to the constitution to further support our cause. I believe I was assigned the Sierra Club, which meant I had to do research on the Sierra Club, and find out what constitutional amendments their organization would focus on, which ones they would want to change, or what they might want to add. We were then to participate in a round table discussion with other coalitions in an effort to revise the constitution. I emphasize the word "participate" because it was vital to the assignment... And of course, I did not participate. I simply sat there, and allowed the discussion to go on around me. I knew my organization, and I had ideas... but I wasn't really devoted to the assignment, and so I just sat there and didn't participate.

I remember during lunch time, my teacher pulled my partner and I aside and gave us a stern lecture. He started out by drawing a stick figure with a circle around it. He said, "This is you... and this circle? That's your comfort zone." Then, he drew like 6 circles around the first one and said, "See these... This is where everyone else is." and went on to say something about how that's where life existed, outside of our comfort zone. He then drew multiple arrows saying, "See these... these arrows? That indicates zone migration. It means you move out of your comfort zone, and into the zone where everything is going on." He kept saying that phrase, "Zone Migration." Obviously, to this day, it has stuck with me...

The photo you see above is a random photo I thought of taking one night. My friend and I were in a goofy mood, and took all these weird black and white photos. The feet in the picture are my feet, and in light of the story I just told, I find it rather funny.

This weekend, my brain was on overdrive with many different thoughts. I had conversations with many of my close friends about everything from dating to environmentalism. I felt so unbelievably challenged in so many ways. Saturday, I participated with some friends of mine in a "river clean-up" for Earth Day. While down there, it was so crazy to see just how much garbage was plaguing one river, and the effects that it was having on the wildlife inhabiting the area. I was convinced more than ever that Christians should be leading the way in preserving the creation God has given us. I also attended a church yesterday where for the first time in a really long time, I felt like they were not only talking about being a part in their local community, but actually moving towards it. I felt like they have a genuine passion for people in their community, and it was so encouraging to my heart to know there's a church like that...

The most interesting part of the weekend was the realization I came to about myself. I realized that I have so many thoughts about what I want to see happen in the world... So often I think about issues like poverty, environmentalism, education, disease, and I THINK about how I want to see change. Notice here an emphasis on the word THINK. Like my story about the round-table discussion I was a part of in high school that demanded my participation, so does this. We will not see people's needs be met by THINKING about how to help them. We will not see the earth cleaned up, preserving animal and plant life by THINKING about how to change our habits. We will not see changes made in the education system by THINKING about how to do it. And the sick will not get any healthier or feel any more loved if we simply THINK about it. All of these things require action. They require MY action. They require me to move from the circle that says, "You are here" and move to a place of action. It requires zone migration.

These can be pretty overwhelming thoughts though... There are so many things out there that need attention, so many good organizations that need help, so many habits that need to be broken. Where to start? Well, I decided yesterday that I wanted to make 2 very specific decision as far as my habits are concerned. Instead of eliminating all of my bad habits, I would eliminate 2 - I'm going to start slow. I also decided that instead of getting gung-ho about a lot of organizations, that I would give a little bit of time here and there to a couple different causes until I find out where I'll be after graduation. Once I'm settled there, I hope to volunteer my time on a more regular basis. But for now, I will help out where I can - give to different drives going on, volunteer a couple hours of my time here or there, etc.

All I know is I have been about thoughts and words for too long... It's time for some action.

quest

Well friends, the quest continues... What will Tory do after she graduates?

At the beginning of this journey, I decided to sit down and write out what an "ideal" job would be for me. While I knew I more than likely wouldn't find an ideal job (who does), I wanted to at least know what things were important to me, and what things to look for, even if they didn't come in an "ideal" package.

The goal of my resume reads: To be working in an environment where I am able to utilize my experience in administrative and creative roles in order to make a difference in the lives of others. That's a pretty generic statement, but to the point. I have experience and skills in administration, but I want to work somewhere I feel I am making an impact on society. Can we say non-profit, people? That's seriously what that statement screams... and honestly, that's where my heart is. I have a huge desire to impact people's lives, even if I don't know in what capacity.

So, I began to think about non-profit organizations. Where could I work where I could impact others? I am currently working at Sonlife Ministries, and that is something that is "others" minded - teaching students and leaders how to "lead, love, and live in the way of Jesus." I've applied for Resident Director positions at different colleges, hoping to impact the lives of college students... However, as I continue my search, both of these things seem to be "on hold" or falling through for the time being. Because neither of those situations seemed to be moving forward, I started to seek out other opportunities.

As I began thinking about where I'd want to work, more often it became about where I'd want to live. More and more thoughts about Wisconsin, particularly Milwaukee, began to cloud my brain. Now, for those of you who know me, you know that for the longest time I've wanted to move away... like, far away. However, as I've been journeying through this whole "what do I do after graduation" and as I've been spending more and more time in the city, the more I'm starting to really enjoy Milwaukee. It's a knowable city. Big enough to feel city-ish, but small enough to be known. Plus, what would I do with out my multi-week runs to Alterra on the lake? There's a part of me that doesn't want to leave Wisconsin, but rather move downtown Milwaukee and work there. Just another thought that is tugging at my brain.

I've also been traveling down the "working with kids" road a bit more. I've mentioned before my desire to teach, and I still would like to shadow a teacher or two, just to get a better feel for what it's like. But another thought occured to me today... What about Children's Hospital? I poked around their website and found a lot of administrative positions were open. A new idea if I were to decide to stay here...

Then there's the small part of me that thinks about going back to school at some time in the near future, if not for teaching, for cultural/societal studies. There are so many non-profit organizations out there that have such good causes. HIV/AIDs organizations, homeless shelters/food pantries, children's organizations (Big Brothers/Big Sisters and Boys & Girls Club), environmental organizations, organizations that deal with poverty like DATA or Habitat for Humanity... All of these are places that are involved in the community and strive to serve people. What could be more rewarding?

So, as I have all these ideas, and no direction, I sit stumped. I am overwhelmed and clueless as to how to proceed. Frustrated, and feeling kind of sad. The hard part is, I'm locked into my current situation until the end of July, making it tough to apply for particular positions right now. Granted, I'm totally grateful to have work through July - makes it less scary to have to find something RIGHT AWAY... However, I'm definitely ready for this quest to be over. I guess you could say I'm like every other college graduate - very excited, but very scared... and most of all, anxious to have some things fall into place.

I hate waiting.

thirteen

A while back, I decided that every now and then, I would resurrect old "poetry" that I had written. I put the word "poetry" in quotes because, well, what I wrote doesn't necessarily qualify as poetry. Isn't it sad that I'm graduating as an English student and never learned anything about poetry? I never learned about meter, or iambic pentameter, or any of that stuff... The poetry that I wrote from like, age 12 on was basically just random thoughts in my head that weren't in complete sentences. There really wasn't a whole lot of structure to any of them. Sometimes they rhymed, but most of the time they didn't. I don't write "poetry" anymore. I'm not sure why, it just doesn't seem to fulfill me when I write - maybe it's because I'm too wordy.

All that to say, I've decided to resurrect a poem that I wrote when I was 13. Remember, I was 13, so don't mock me TOO much on this. But I thought I would share it with you... It's sad to see that even at 13 I had some dark thoughts. And yet, this poem kind of makes me laugh for many reasons... Anyway, for your enjoyment (or whatever you want to call it):

The Night
By 13-year-old-Tory

When the dark of night shuts down on you
You feel it's the end of your day
Your color is shadowed with the dark of night
And nothing will take it away.
You're used to the gloom, it laughs in your face
You're letting it get you down
When you sink to its lonliness - it's almost got you
You're placing on it's head a crown
Then a beam of light shot through your soul
And you saw the light of day
The night is over, you've made it through
It did not eat you away.
But though you made it through one more night
It made your stomach turn
Tis' morning is here, now all is light
But beware, night will return.

electric president

Hello friends.

It's been a while since I've posted about a band I'm listening to. Maybe it's because I haven't been discovering as much music lately, but rather gaining a greater appreciation for the music I already own.

But I would like to introduce you to the most recent addition to my music collection. I'm kind of late getting on the bandwagon with this one. It's a band by the name of Electric President. I guess EP got their notariety from where else - the O.C., but since I don't keep up with the O.C., I didn't find them until just know. And I guess they used to go by the name Radical Face. But the EP album reminds me a little of Postal Service meets The Album Leaf. It's got an interesting sound too. Acoustic mixed with a LOT of electronic sounds. The two guys from the band give a much better description than I could ever write:

"Alrighty. After 8 months, the first full-length record under the new name is finished. As usual, it was recorded in a tool shed and a bedroom. But there was a slightly different goal this time around. The idea was in to integrate computers into the process as much as possible, but without making it an "electronic" record. So a lot of the sounds started as acoustic recordings and were later chopped and sequenced into something new. Which meant a lot of the work took place after all the mics were put away."

So check them out... I've been listening to their album a lot today, and it rocks. If you already know about them because they've been around for awhile, bear with my tardiness in learning of their greatness. They're available on iTunes, so go there... like, now!

sociality

I’m not entirely sure that sociality is even a word, but for this post’s sake, let’s just pretend that it is. I think “sociability” exists, but, I like my new word and definition. Track with me on this one, ok? I have had numerous conversations over the course of about a month regarding this idea. So what exactly do I mean by sociality? Well, seeing as how I kind of made it up, here are some thoughts on what I mean when using the term… But buckle in. This post is obscenely long.

Sociality: The ability to: interact with complete strangers and connect with them on a level that goes beneath the surface, but is not at “warp-speed” to gain great depth, create a warm and sincere atmosphere, perceptive; engage easily with others; truly know and be known.

These are a few things I think about regarding the skill of “sociality”. Yes, I believe that my made up word is a skill. As I mentioned before, I have had numerous conversations with people regarding this specific idea. Here’s the context:

Church. Not that long ago, church was considered to be a place for people to go and learn about God, and grow together with other Christians. I am not saying that isn’t a part of going to church – it is. However, I think there’s so much more to church. It’s not just a place where children can learn songs about Noah, or hear a story about Daniel in the Lions Den. It’s not just a place where people can study what Beth Moore or Rob Bell have to say. It’s not just a place where we sing “When I Survey the Old Rugged Cross” or “How Great Is Our God.” It’s not just a place where we fall on our knees during the altar call. While all these things are definitely part of the the make-up of a church, I’m not sure it’s part of the skeletal system. While each of these things “flesh out” the church, I’m not sure that some of them aren’t the “10 pounds” we all wish we could get rid of. Please don’t get me wrong. I understand that teaching Bible stories, using what other people have to say to study the Word, and acts of worship are all vital parts of growing. However, I think that at times, church can be come so much about the programs, when really, it’s about the people… both inside and outside of the church walls.

Wasn’t that an ugly cliché phrase…

As I really began to think about it, I began to realize how much it’s true, no matter how cliché it sounds. I’ve talked with so many people about how God designed us for community. We desire it, crave it, need it more than sometimes I think we’re consciously aware of. Yet, so often, it’s the hardest thing for us to do. We know that feeling connected and helping others to connect is important, yet we just can’t seem to get there.

Coming from someone who’s extremely introverted, I have a decent laundry list of reasons why I struggle with “reaching out.” However, one thing keeps sticking out to me: Fear. Now, that’s a pretty loaded word. Fear of what? Rejection? Awkwardness? Lack of anything interesting to talk about? Cultural differences? Physically differences? Fear of what others think of you? Fear of what you think of yourself? There are lots of things that drive our fear amidst community, and I think it’s got a grip on the church…

That’s where my whole idea about “sociality” comes in. I was having a conversation with one friend in particular where we were discussing our frustrations with church. One of the things that came up was the idea of “phoney” or “surface level” friendships, and our frustration with them. However, as we began to unfold why those sorts of relationships exist and people can’t seem to get past the surface, I began to realize that to create relationships that go beyond the surface within the first 10 minutes of meeting someone is an acquired skill. It’s a skill that exists – I know people who are like that, where you feel immediately comfortable as if you’d known them all your life – but it’s a skill that’s acquired, one I’m not sure I or a lot of people in the church have worked on honing.

So here’s where the struggle comes… Our generation has the desire to dig deeper, to go beyond the surface and create genuine relationships filled with openness and honesty. But that balance is hard to come by. Meeting someone for the first time, and trying to not ask the generic questions and yet, trying to not “bear everything within your soul” – that’s not easy to maneuver. It seems to only stay with the extremes.

If we bring this back to the idea of church, we can see the problem. If we look at church as a place to connect with one another and create a real sense of community – one that draws in others simply by the amount of love the community has to offer one another – how do we even begin to move in that direction if we are all afraid to interact with each other, if we haven’t acquired the gift of sociality? What do we do if all we really need is to know and be known, yet we can’t seem to get to that place because of our fears?

I have no answers to these questions… Do I ever? But this problem seems to be paralyzing the church. To live out “love your neighbor” seems more like a chore than an everyday occurrence. Reaching out to those who we don’t know, who look different, sound different, have different backgrounds, different interests, different lifestyles… Reaching out is something we were designed to do, but just can’t seem to.

These are some of the thoughts I’m working through. I need to work on my “sociality” skills. I’ve got a long way to go… but I think it’s definitely worth the effort.

(pic found at: http://www.globizdev.com/images/Paper%20People.jpg)

lightning

drove around
for an obscene amount
of time tonight.


i'm obsessed with lightning.


it was so beautiful.


good storm


good tunes.


happiness.


(original pic: www.piedmontamateurastronomers.com)

corner

I have this friend... I met her when I was 13. I can remember the first day I met her like it was yesterday. My mom drove me up to her house, and I can remember my first thought was, "She's so pretty...She'll never want to be my friend." Way to exhibit high self-esteem! However, my initial reaction proved to be inaccurate, for this girl who had just moved from Minnesota fastly became one of my closest friends.

One of our favorite things to do was to wander around our neighborhood at night. For a while, this didn't fly too well with the parents. They didn't like not knowing where we were, especially after dark. However, as we got older, this became less and less of an issue. There was something about night time that attracted us to it... I'm not sure what it was exactly, but it seemed that's when we were most alive. There would be nights where we'd ride our bikes around the neighborhood, enjoying the warm summer wind as we rode around. Some nights, we'd take on the neighborhood by foot, methodically soaking in the evening atmosphere. We even made a game of visiting "the house" - a house in our neighborhood where two mysterious boys lived. We created a story about who they were and what they were doing- a story that lived on for many years!

However, the place we spent a lot of time was on the corner across the street from my house. Beneath the lamplight is where we had some of our most serious conversations. To this day, I'm not sure I've ever met someone with whom I've shared as much with as this friend of mine. I could share my most ridiculous dreams with her, and she never once discouraged me from them. She would validate the way I thought, the way I saw the world, and my desire for the future... for she shared those dreams too. We often saw things the same way and took comfort in knowing we could be ourselves.

As we got older, it became harder to see those similarities... We grew up, discovered our identities, had different struggles, and began to go in different directions. I went off to college while she decided to join the world of working people. I came home from college, and she went off to war. We rarely see each other these days, but I still consider her to be one of the best friends I've ever had...

Tonight, I was reminded of those nights we spent on the corner, talking about what our dreams were and where we saw ourselves in the future. I'm sure neither of us would have ever imagined the place we are in life right now. As I sat on the corner tonight, taking a picture of where we sat wondering about what was next to come, I began to think about what's next to come with me. When I was thirteen, I imagined myself somewhere completely different than where I am now. As I sat there tonight, at the age of 26, I wondered where I'd be in another 13 years...

I miss the days of sitting on that corner...

northern room

UPDATE! Voting has now closed, and the results are yet to come!


Ok folks... I have a favor to ask...

A friend of a friend is in a band called Northern Room. A while back, Northern Room won a local competition to open for Bon Jovi in Milwaukee. Now, they are a part of a national competition against a few other bands to open for Bon Jovi in New York! Not only would they get to open for Bon Jovi, but they'd also get a record deal. This is a pretty huge opportunity!

So, I'm asking you, all my lovely blogger friends, to go and vote for them! You can vote numerous times... it'd be SO awesome to see them win!

You can vote for Northern Room here.

If you'd like to listen to their music, you can check them out at here. There, you can also find a link to their MySpace page.

Thanks!

hands

I've been listening a lot to the soundtrack for the Curious George movie a lot lately. Jack Johnson and friends singing fun and upbeat songs as well as lullabies - does it get any better? While I love the album and have learned about sharing, and the 3 R's (reduce, reuse, and recycle), there is one song in particular that I really like, and just feel would make a great motto for life...

With My Own Two Hands

I can change the world
With my own two hands
Make it a better place
With my own two hands
Make it a kinder place
With my own two hands
With my own, with my own
Two hands.

I can make peace on earth
With my own two hands
I can clean up the earth
With my own two hands
I can reach out to you
With my own two hands
With my own, with my own
Two hands.

With my own, with my own two hands.

I'm gonna make it a brigher place
WIth my own two hands
I'm going to make it a safer place
With my own two hands
I'm going to help the human race
With my own two hands
With my own, with my own
Two hands.

With my own, with my own two hands.

I can hold you
In my own two hands
And I can comfort you
With my own two hands
But you got to use
Use your own two hands
Use your own, use your own
Two hands.

Use your own, use your own two hands.
With our own, with our own two hands.
With my own, with my own two hands.

I love this song. Granted, I realize that it doesn't recognize God's role, but I think it's awesome because it encourages us that we - with our own two hands - have the ability to change the world. I think so often it's easy for me to dismiss my own ability, thinking that there are "others" who will have more influence, and can make a bigger impact. But I love the song for this very reason. And I love the fact that it not only talks about us having the ability, but calls us to use that ability.

It's rare that a song can make me think about my actions, but this song has definitely challenged me to think about how I use "my own two hands." What am I currently doing to make the world safer, brighter, and kinder? What am I doing to comfort others? What am I doing to clean up the environment? Am I doing anything to help the human race?

Thanks Jack Johnson and Ben Harper for a good lesson on loving my neighbor.