trying

I haven't been able to write much lately. Often times, I become overwhelmed with everything that's plaguing my brain, causing me to feel somewhat paralyzed, and the only thing I can do is listen to music and continue contemplating everything in the universe.

So, I've been listening to a lot of music lately, and I can't seem to get this song out of my head. I watched a documentary on homelessness the other day that a friend of mine made, and the song "Several Ways to Die Trying" by Dashboard Confessional plays in the background. I can't seem to shake the song. For whatever reason, I've woken up multiple mornings with the song in my head, and find that while I'm in moments of silence, I can't help but hum it to myself.

For those of you who have not heard the song, here are the lyrics:

Several Ways to Die Trying - Dashboard Confessional

Pacific Sun, you should have warned us,
It gets so cold here.
And the night can freeze, before you set it on fire.
And our flares go unnoticed.
Dimminished, faded just as soon as they are fired.

We are, we are, intrigued.
We are, we are, invisible.
Oh, how we've shouted, how we've screamed,
Take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they're burning the roads
They built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts
With their shining lies,
While closing our caskets cold and tight.
But I'm dying to live.

Pacific sun, you should have warned us,
These heights are dizzying,
And the climb can kill you
Long before the fall.

And our trails go unmarked
And unmapped and covered
Just as soon as they are crossed.

We are, we are, intriguing.
We are, we are, desirable.
Oh how we've shouted, how we've screamed,
Take notice, take interest, take me with you.

But all our fears fall on deaf ears.

Tonight, they're burning the roads
They built to lead us to the light.
And blinding our hearts
With their shining lies,
While closing our caskets cold and tight.
But I'm dying to live.

brothels

As I wandered through Blockbuster, I scanned the "New Release" section hoping to find a good movie for the evening. I toyed with the idea of getting a cheesy flick - just for fun. For a moment I thought "Kicking and Screaming" might bring me a few laughs, but decided I'd rather go with something a little bit smarter. I passed by numerous flicks that I've been wanting to see for a while - "Syriana" and "Munich" because I was afraid they'd be a little too heavy. However, I then came across a movie entitled "Born Into Brothels." What I didn't realize until I searched for the above picture is that this film won "Best Documentary" at the Oscars. I hadn't even heard of it - just saw it sitting on the shelf, and was intrigued by the name and picture. The name made me a little nervous to begin with, but this picture, the cover picture, is what captured me.

"Born Into Brothels" is a documentary about children born in the red light district in Calcutta, and what sorts of lives they lead. A woman by the name of Zana Briski decides to live in the brothels, getting to know the women and their children. She decides to teach the children about photography, and how to see the world. She gives each one of them a camera, and then sends them out to take pictures. They bring them in, develop them, and critique them. Together, they learn to experience life and truth through the lens.

This movie was brilliant. The storyline in this film is beautiful...moving. I was taken by each of these children, specifically a young girl named Puja. The pictures they took were fantastic. Briski took the children's photos to New York and had an auction to raise money for them. She had hopes of getting them out of the brothels, and into a boarding school - their one chance to escape a life "in the line."

My heart was broken and yet inspired at the same time. This film was a beautiful depiction of seeing what lies beneath. I'm saddened by the fact that I never would have imagined such beauty existed in brothels.

If you have the opportunity to check out this movie, and you like documentaries, I highly recommend it. It's a little tough to watch in spots, but it's definitely worth it.

www.kids-with-cameras.com/calcutta

awake

Today I'm reflecting on the weekend I just spent with 350 junior high students. I work for an organization called Sonlife Ministries, and they are launching two new events this summer: Awake, which is for junior high students and Merge, which is for senior high students. I could write about the vast array of thoughts that pulsed through my brain over the weekend, all the things I experienced, all the amazing people I spent time with, and all the great things that happened. But I think the greatest thing I learned this weekend is how to approach God. This weekend, I witnessed uninhibited, dancing, screaming, joyful teenagers reaching out for whatever it was God wanted to give them. As these students learned about God's love for creation throughout all of history - starting with Adam and Eve, through the creation of the church, to our present existence, and even about his love that will extend into future, I saw a sense of wonder, awe, and excitement for God and what he wants to do in the world... and it was brilliant.

These students were challenged to look at how they love the community and as well as the globe - and they took the challenge head on. I was blown away by the amounts of creativity and passion coming out of these students minds and hearts. It was humbling to see students who were so new to their faith being excited about what God could do through them. Here were 12-14 year olds, confident that God could use them. And there I sat, a 26 year old girl, ashamed I didn't have the same confidence.

This weekend provided me with many challenges and many opportunities for growth. My brain is swirling with the many different things I experienced and felt over the weekend. But I'm excited to see how things continue. I just picked up "The Irresistable Revolution" by Shane Claiborne and I can already feel my soul starting to stir. I have no idea what's next... I can only pray it's transformational.

To what's ahead...

friends

You know those people... the kind of people who accept you no matter what? The kind of people who encourage your silliness, who affirm you despite all your crazy quirks, and who love you unconditionally? Those are the kinds of people I got to spend the evening with tonight...and I couldn't have enjoyed myself more.

I chose this picture of Calvin and Hobbes because I love the faces they're making. They're silly, uninhibited, and zaney. I love Calvin and Hobbes because they go on adventures together, exchange social criticism, express their creativity in a variety of ways, and have many many child-like moments.

Tonight, I got to spend time with some of my favorite people... People I have shared "Calvin and Hobbes" moments with. I've gone through a lot with these people, but they are the kind of people that no matter what curve balls life tosses our direction, we continue to be there for each other. Though weeks, even months go by, we pick up where we left off, and enjoy the company of one another.

As I looked around the room tonight, I realized these people have become like family to me. I've laughed with them, cried with them, grown with them, gotten angry with them, and experienced great joys with them... I loved being around these people tonight, people who I know if I needed anything they'd be there, and vice versa. I loved being with people who affirm me but who also challenge me... people who are silly, uninhibited and zaney... who take adventures, exchange thoughts and ideas, and express their creativity in a variety of ways.

They are my friends, they are my family, and I love them very much.

schwartzman

How great is this picture... See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil... The three Js say so.

I wanted to write a post about Jason Schwartzman - an actor who is strongly becoming a favorite in my book. Recently, I have been intrigued by a few different actors (including Joseph Gordon-Levitt and David Strathairn), causing me to watch everything they've been in. However, Jason Schwartzman is one of those people that no matter how weird or lame the movie, he makes it worthwhile.

I just watched "Shopgirl" not that long ago. Now, don't get me wrong. I love Steve Martin. "Three Amigos" - still one of my favorite "fun" movies to this day. And I absolutely love Claire Danes. I was addicted (and still am) to "My So-Called Life" (and no K-Do, it was because of J.L.). Despite Claire Danes frightening way of crying on screen (see Romeo and Juliet and Brokendown Palace), I really enjoy her as an actress. But "Shopgirl" left me with something to be desired - happiness. Yes, it ends well. But the story in and of itself is kind of sad. However, Jason Schwartzman saved the movie. His character - despite how much of a moron he is - is SO great. Such a hilarious character. Maybe I'm just biased because I find Jason Schwartzman to be funny all the time - the whole two movies I've seen him in.

Yes, that's right. I've only seen him in two other movies - "I Heart Huckabees" and "Rushmore," both of which I loved. I have not seen "Bewitched," "CQ," "Simone," "Slackers," "Everything's Illuminated" nor "Spin." I'm sure there are other movies he's in that I'm missing, but I've just started to scratch the surface in finding them.

So, my movie journey continues, now seeking out the other movies in which Schartzman has graced the screen. I'll keep you posted if I come across any honorable mentions.

(Picture from www.dumb-luck.org)