culture envy

I never really fully fit into the world of art. That "artsy" side of me has always been there, and I'd like to consider myself creative, but I've never been able to say "I'm an artist." When I was at Judson, I can remember there being times where I strongly desired to be just like the art majors surrounding me. However, I just didn't find the appeal in Vampire Hunter D, or other such japanese animation, my interest in comic books was lacking, and I was quite positive I didn't dig Buffy. Art culture #1 I didn't belong to.

I have a friend who's a graffiti artist - or rather, was a graffiti artist. He's a skater, has the dread thing going on, and has who knows how many tatoos. He's one of my favorite people. But in my khaki's, button down shirt, and bobbed hair, I don't exactly fit into to the "skater" realm either. Granted, I made a valiant attempt to learn how to skateboard (and might I say, I wasn't THAT bad), but that's definitely a world that is not my own.

Then there's the political activist artists.
The top notch, sophisticated, corporate bound graphic designers.
The "I'm angry with the world" artists.
The people who have hands that are permanently clay-caked.
The reclusives.
The rebels.

If you step out of the world of physical visual art (fine art/graphic design) and consider the film and music realm, it's the same thing. If you don't know everything there is to know about film or music, don't even try to pretend like you do. They'll see right through you, and mention something so completely obscure that even the originator is hazey as to its existence.

I feel like I can grab from each of these categories, compiling some form of "mut" artist, who's skill is lacking but passion is there. I love art. I love to be creative. I have millions of ideas in my head with no satisfactory way of expressing them.
But I'm not an artist. I can't keep up in conversation with an artist. And I don't fit into their culture... at least, not entirely.
But I so desire to be a part it.
I guess you could say I have a bit of culture envy.