purpose

I am about to enter day 27 of my “vacation” – also known as unemployment. I realize, that’s not a very long time for a person to be unemployed – especially being in the position that I am in with not a ton of bills or responsibility hanging over my head. However, the past few weeks I have started to feel a nagging sense of purposelessness. I’m not entirely sure that’s a word, but it should be because that is how I have felt the past couple of weeks – that I have absolutely no purpose. Granted, this may be due to how I spend my time. During the first couple of weeks, I engaged in all sorts of things that I love to do – writing, drawing, painting, photography, reading, etc. As the weeks went on, I found it easier and easier to watch TV and surf the internet. The amount of time I wasted doing those things probably fueled the way I was feeling. I began to wonder why I might be feeling the way I was, and landed on the idea that it was because I don’t have a job. Yeah, that’s it – that’s the ticket! I mean, why wouldn’t someone who is not currently a part of corporate America, earning a wage, and “putting in time” feel as though they have no purpose? However, tonight I came across an image I had drawn in my journal, and began to wonder if maybe it wasn’t the lack of employment that was causing this feeling of purposelessness… but something else.

I drew the above picture about 4 months ago. I was a part of a high school event this summer where we had students identify the things that have molded them as a person – their personality, their roles in life, their passions - and then express it through a collage. We did not want them to create an image of what they look like physically, but rather a representation of who they are inside – the characteristics and passions that make them unique. As leaders, we were challenged to do the same. I didn’t create a collage (those of you who know my journaling habits will know why) but instead wrote words and phrases that captured who I am.

My words represent the good and the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. They are things that have molded me into the person that I am today. I even drew some void spaces to represent the parts of me that are still being formed – and being transformed.

As I looked over this image tonight, I began to notice four words that stuck out the most: God, Love, Mercy, and Creativity. These are four huge areas of my life. I continued to look over the image and realized that nowhere had I written “job” or “career” or “employment.” I find it interesting that I didn’t seem to think that it was something formational to who I am. I have had good jobs over the years – really good experiences. And yet, I couldn’t help but consider what made those good experiences.

The same four words kept leaping off the page as I continued to study the drawing. I began to realize that my purpose and my identity were strongly represented by those words – God, Love, Mercy, and Creativity. God has given me purpose, and that is to love and show mercy to his children… and creativity plays a huge part in that. I was just reading in Shane Claiborne’s book “The Irresistible Revolution” about how Jesus was imaginative in how he chose to show his love and spread the gospel. These four words are at the heart of my purpose – not where I work or who I work for. These four things can exist in every location – not just a job… I can even show God’s love and mercy in creative ways without having a job or a paycheck.

I am nowhere near being able to let go of my anxiousness about not having a job, and I still struggle with placing my purpose in that. However, I’m continuing to learn that my purpose lies elsewhere. And while job hunting is a pain, at least I’m not hunting for purpose.