conclusions

A few weeks ago, I made a decision that I wanted to blog at least once a week. I had a shakey start to that goal, and even now am not keeping to it very well.

Part of me wonders why it's so hard for me to write on a regular basis. I was thinking about when I used to write a story a week for Relevant, and I used to blog on a daily basis. I wondered what is different now...why I can't seem to do it anymore.

I came to a few consclusions. One: I don't spend enough time observing. When I was a student, I had quite a bit of time that I spent in the Union or the library where I would just sit and observe people and hear bits of conversations. I learned a lot about people, and ultimately, about myself just by observing the things that went on around me. Another thing about being a student was that I was always meeting new people, learning new things, and being challenged in new ways. I don't feel as though I have that influence as much anymore.

Another conclusion I came to: I don't have a lot of really deep conversations with people anymore. When I was involved at my old church, I had a few friends who were really deep thinkers and always posed interesting questions. I always had something I was thinking about. That created for some interesting thoughts and blog entries.

Third conclusion: My old places of employment didn't leave much room for processing. Where I currently work, I am able to verbally process a lot more and talk through a lot more issues/thoughts that are plaguing my brain, which elimnates my need to write about them on here. When I wasn't able to process stuff as much, I used my blog as an outlet for processing.

And lastly... I have been too emotional lately. Normally, that would provide some material to write about, but recently, I feel as though I have had too much to process. I sit down to write, and I have NO idea where to start. Everything seems so jumbled and confusing. So, instead, I just avoid writing about it, which has proven to not be entirely healthy.

So now what? Well, I think I need to take more time for observation, I need to find some people to surround myself with who are asking tough and intelligent questions, I need to stop processing things so much with the people I work with, and I need to learn to work through some of my emotions a bit more. Hopefully, as I begin to do some of these more and more, my desire to write will get stronger and I'll become more dedicated to it.

Here's hoping...