writing

As you may have noticed, my blog has been lacking decent writing as of late. I have only been writing about work, with a few music/movie suggestions thrown it. While that is all well and good, and I'm excited about my job and the new things I've been listening to and watching, these are not the things I always want to write about, or even how I want my writing to look. However, as I've mentioned briefly before, I'm having a really hard time focusing on writing. I'm having a hard time getting to the things I really want to write about, and I'm also not dedicating the kind of time to writing as a writer should. I should be writing every day. I'm lucky if I write once a week.

I've come to a big realization - I've not been writing for the pleasure of writing, I've not be writing in order to strengthen my skills, I've not been writing because I have something really great I want to share...

I've only been writing because I want to be able to say "I'm a writer." I write because I feel like I SHOULD be writing. I write to impress. I want to wow people with my words. Here's the problem... If I write to fit some sort of mold, or because I feel like it's something I HAVE to do, I'll come to resent it. I won't (and don't) always impress. I won't always wow. There won't always be people who want to read my work.

What needs to drive me is my love for writing, which is something I think that I've lost sight of. I've recently had a couple discussions with people I admire greatly for their creativity, ability to write, and their wisdom when it comes to writing. What I've learned is that I've become an impatient writer. I expect to write well the minute I sit down to write. But as with most things in life, it takes time and discipline. It takes time to get through the junk, it takes fragments of thoughts, lists, random sentences, and unfinished ideas before you get to the good stuff. It takes lots of writing then scratching, editing, re-writing, researching, dreaming, imagination...

Maybe that's the heart of my problem... I've lost my ability to search my imagination, my ability to dream. I've lost my drive to find new things, go on new adventures, and seek out the unknown. I can't seem to create those places, those people, or those ideas in my mind anymore. Instead it's been replaced with laziness, busyness, work, and the everday commonalities that distract from the brilliance that lays beneath it all.

So my blog may be a work in progress. It may look pretty ugly over the next few months as I spend time doing more private writing, and less public writing. It might be fairly fragmented, filled with unfinished thoughts and ideas. It may not even look any different at first... But hopefully, it will begin to change over time into something I can say I took great joy in creating...