big

Have you ever wanted to be a part of something really big? I mean, REALLY big? Looking towards the future, and wondering what in the world I'm going to do with my future, I can't help but think about the fact that I want to be a part of something big. What that big is, I'm not entirely sure. And I'm not even sure what "big" means anymore to me. I guess there's a part of me that thinks about how amazing it would be to go to some other country, and be a part of something really important - like helping people get clean water, or helping to educate those who really want and need education, or helping people who are sick. But there is so much in the United States that needs attending to as well. I was watching "Mad Hot Ballroom" the other night, and there was a teacher who was absolutely amazing. The way she talked about her kids, and to see how much she loved them and wanted them to succeed, was so inspiring. It made me want to work with little kids in the inner city. Listening to those kids talk - all they knew about, all they had seen, all they had experienced at the tender age of 11... it was heartbreaking. But it struck a chord inside that said, "You too can impact people..." Over Thanksgiving, I engaged in conversation with my brother, sister-in-law, as well as her sister and sister's husband. We were discussing what it would look like to start a church. Throughout the conversation, I began to have my own rabbit trail of thought. I began to wonder what it would look like if church organizations got behind and supported organizations that already existed, and helped them to do what they're already doing instead of trying to take over their already successful services, and make it fit the "church" mold. Take a homeless shelter, or a shelter for battered women, or an AIDs organization, or a The Red Cross, or any of these organizations. What would it look like if instead of the church trying to help people as their own entity, they got behind other organizations that are doing quite well, but could use the extra support. So often, I think we are so stubborn when it comes to being a part of a something bigger, if it doesn't quite match what it is we believe. Like, doing good isn't really good unless it has a church's name attached, or is deemed "Christian." I remember a while back, the Live 8 conference got a lot of flack from the Christian circle because it was "self-promoting" or it "wasn't preaching what Africa really needs - Jesus Christ." I LOVE that in the Bible, Jesus often, if not most of the time, met people's physical needs before he met their spiritual needs. I think so often we are SO concerned about people's spiritual needs, that we dismiss physical needs. Yes, I think that spiritual needs are extremely important. But so are the basic necessities of life. If people don't have water or food to survive, they won't even be able to live a life for Christ.

I know these are a whole lot of tangents. I didn't really stick to the idea of "being a part of something big." But I guess that's where my question lies. Why do I want to be a part of something "big"? And is it possible, that being a part of something small, is in essence, being a part of something big? Is giving a good meal to a homeless man on the street being a part of something big? Is tutoring a kid after school something big?

I think so often I get caught up in the romanticism of "something big." Going to Africa. Going to China. Being a missionary in the middle of who knows where. Installing water pumps in villages where they have no water. Delivering medicine and food to places that have none. Rescuing children from orphanages. These are all really great, and really important, and people are needed to do those sorts of things. But if I can do nothing to help my neighbor, who says I'm going to be able to help someone elses?

I don't have a whole lot of answers to the questions. Sometimes I wonder why it seems so hard to do the little things, and why I'm only attracted to the big things. All I know is I've been thinking a lot lately about how I want to make an impact. I want to be a part of making people's lives better. Letting more people know their loved. I don't know how I'm going to do it. I don't know what it will look like. I'm not even sure how I'll find the motivation to do it. But I don't want to just coast through life, without sharing it with others.