Anger is an odd thing, I'm learning. I'm learning there are different forms, different levels, and even different venues of expression. However, it's such a soul deteriorating, heart hardening thing. It literally has the capability of consuming an entire person, sucking the life right out of them. It burrows down into the deepest parts of one's soul, deep within one's bones and unleashes its wrath at the most inopportune moments. It makes me think of a bear... Now, track with me for a second here... A bear hibernates. Just lays there, silent, and waiting. It's even possible to be unaware of the bear. However, once stirred and awoken, look out! He's hungry, and on a definitely violent mission. I feel like I have such a creature within my soul... How does one even catch that sort of animal? How does one tame a wild beast that has been in such a deep slumber for so long? What does one do with that wild bear.
A bear made his way to the suburbs a few weeks ago. He followed the river, or the train tracks or something. A little cub, who had no idea where he was, or that he was even in the wrong place. He found a semi-truck to sleep under - that's where someone spotted him. And then, he made his way into a tree in Wauwatosa - about as "suburbanish" as you can get. Maybe he was tired of the woods. Maybe he wanted to see what surburbia was all about. No matter what the little bear's motive, the fact still remains: he was out of place. He did not belong there, and needed to removed from the city.
Does my little cub story have a point? I believe it ties in with my association with anger. Anger does not belong in ones soul. It's out of place. Whatever the reason, no matter how it got there, it doesn't belong there and needs to be removed.
The little Wauwatosa bear was shot with a tranquilizer gun, and removed from the city. What do you suppose works for anger? How does one tranquilize it and remove it? Now, I love animals, and would never have wished for the bear to be slain. However, I would give anything for this beast of mine to be slain. It does not need to be relocated, it does not need a proper place, it does not even need to be hidden - it needs to be demolished.
No tranquilizer gun. No zoo for rehabilitation. No forest up north.
Gone. Vanquished. Never to be seen again.
That's where it needs to be.
Let's hope that miracle happens, before it's hiberation time again.
1 comment:
There is nothing inherently wrong with anger, Toryo. The Bible is full of anger, and lots of it comes from God, directed at people who are stupid. Anger can be righteous. It is a part of your soul and removing it would be akin to removing your senses of wonder, beauty, sorrow, love, humour... all the things that help us relate to God on a more intimate way because God gave us all of these emotions and, I believe, experiences them Himself, though in a superior, perfect way.
I can relate to your struggle, though. Anger's made its way into places in my life it shouldn't have. You are being prayed for.
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