remembering

This week seems to be about remembering...

Sunday we said goodbye to our friend and youth pastor at my church. He had resigned, and we were having a farewell party for him. Lots and lots of pictures. Lots and lots of memories. And I saw a lot of people who I haven't seen in a long time... It was great.

On Tuesday, I attended a Brewers Game. Brewers vs. Colorado Rockies. Granted, I'm not a huge fan of either team, or even a fan of baseball really... However, I felt a bit nostalgic because the Colorado Rockies used to be my friend Nate's favorite baseball team in junior high. I've known Nate since I was three. Today, I attended his wedding. Surrounding him at the wedding were a whole slew of friends from my past - some of them I known since I was in diapers, some of them were my best friends. It was a great day for reminscing and remembering all the amazing times we had together. I feel truly honored and blessed to have had them all as a part of my life, and it was great remembering with them today.

Wednesday, I was driving a friend of mine down to Lake Geneva. Before we even had a chance to leave town, we were sitting at a stoplight and this younger guy was walking across the intersection. As he drew closer to my car, I informed my friend that I knew him. Him name is Eric, and he used to live down the street from me - two streets down, on Indianwood Lane. He used to have a bright yellow old school Volkwagon Beetle convertable that he'd work on. As he passsed by my car, he waved... I'm not entirely sure if the wave was due to the fact that we were staring at him or that he remembered me. Either way, it made my day.

Monday is Memorial Day - a day to remember soldiers that we've lost. Soldiers who have fought and served their country so that we can enjoy the freedoms we do today. On Monday, I have been been invited to a picnic at the Witmer household to remember Michelle, who died serving her country. It will be a tough day as Michelle is greatly missed... but I'm sure it will be a day to celebrate her beautiful life, and remember her for the way she lived it.

Lots and lots of memories. Lots and lots of nostalgia. Some of it really good and cathartic. Some of it really hard and sad. It's so crazy how God designed us with such emotions and abilities. I'm grateful for them though. It makes life all the richer.

the sun sets

The sun sets on another day in the life of Jack Bauer. Season four came to a close tonight with a great two hour season finale. Who knew how it would turn out? I won't write about it so as to not spoil it for those who haven't seen it.

Just one thing though...Any bets on a new name? And no Kelly, it will not be K.Do....

mad hot ballroom

I'm not sure how many of you are documentary fans, but I started watching them not that long ago, and have fastly become addicted. My list of documentaries seen is not that many, but I am more and more drawn to them as time goes on. I saw the preview for this documentary "Mad Hot Ballroom" before the movie "Millions", and thought it looked great. It's from the same director as "Spellbound" (another great documentary that follows, I believe, 8 different students as they prepare and compete in the national spelling bee). Check out the trailer if you get a chance and if you enjoy documentaries.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount_classics/mad_hot_ballroom.html

ovaries for an ipod

I had an original post on this, but created a longer version of it.
Here is the new version.

http://www.relevantmagazine.com/article.php?sid=6439
(or click on the link above)

feel good

I'm addicted. I am officially, completely, and utterly addicted to the iPod commericals (and now addicted to the Feel Good Inc. song by Gorillaz). Granted, when U2 launched their iPod commerical, I thought it was a beautiful thing. However, as more and more commericals come out, I became more and more addicted. There was the recent "Jerk It Out" by Caesars, then came "Feel Good Inc." by Gorillaz (such a great commerical with all the old school rollerskaters) and now, the new "Technologic" by Daft Punk - do they get any cooler? And a friend of mine suggested that crazy dancer David Elsewhere may be behind some of the slick moves, or else they stole some of his moves (seriously, who else can move like he can?). Whatever the case, the commercials just keep getting cooler and cooler. Not to mention, whoever they have on board for introducing new music is really smart... great taste that TOTALLY catches on everywhere.

Kudos to Apple and iPod commerical makers and all involved. Keep up the good work.
If you get a chance, check out the Rollerskating iPod commercial (which despite the amazing dancing in the Technologic commerical (the picture above), I still think the Rollerskating is my favorite - click on the title of this post).


Enjoy.

zap, magic fairy zap

Do you guys remember the "Super Mario Brothers Super Show"?
Who knows what made me think of it today, but I found this great screen cap (it's a little distorted) of the show, and I listened to the main theme song (I forgot how terrible it was) and remembered the greatest quote from the whole show that my friend Leah and I used to quote all the time when we were little:

"Zap, magic fairy zap!"

Who knows why... Then again, who knows why we did any of the things we did when we were little. But I remember watching this show... I remember playing Mario Bros until I got blisters on my fingers, especially Mario Bros 3.

Speaking of Mario Bros 3 - did anyone out there ever see "The Wizard"? Now there's a great movie! Hehehe...
I remember it was about this kid who was amazing at video games, and they went to this video game competition. For the final round they introduced a new game - Mario Bros 3.

Man, do I feel old.
Then again, I guess we could talk about Pong, and make ourselves feel even older.

anger

Anger is an odd thing, I'm learning. I'm learning there are different forms, different levels, and even different venues of expression. However, it's such a soul deteriorating, heart hardening thing. It literally has the capability of consuming an entire person, sucking the life right out of them. It burrows down into the deepest parts of one's soul, deep within one's bones and unleashes its wrath at the most inopportune moments. It makes me think of a bear... Now, track with me for a second here... A bear hibernates. Just lays there, silent, and waiting. It's even possible to be unaware of the bear. However, once stirred and awoken, look out! He's hungry, and on a definitely violent mission. I feel like I have such a creature within my soul... How does one even catch that sort of animal? How does one tame a wild beast that has been in such a deep slumber for so long? What does one do with that wild bear.

A bear made his way to the suburbs a few weeks ago. He followed the river, or the train tracks or something. A little cub, who had no idea where he was, or that he was even in the wrong place. He found a semi-truck to sleep under - that's where someone spotted him. And then, he made his way into a tree in Wauwatosa - about as "suburbanish" as you can get. Maybe he was tired of the woods. Maybe he wanted to see what surburbia was all about. No matter what the little bear's motive, the fact still remains: he was out of place. He did not belong there, and needed to removed from the city.

Does my little cub story have a point? I believe it ties in with my association with anger. Anger does not belong in ones soul. It's out of place. Whatever the reason, no matter how it got there, it doesn't belong there and needs to be removed.

The little Wauwatosa bear was shot with a tranquilizer gun, and removed from the city. What do you suppose works for anger? How does one tranquilize it and remove it? Now, I love animals, and would never have wished for the bear to be slain. However, I would give anything for this beast of mine to be slain. It does not need to be relocated, it does not need a proper place, it does not even need to be hidden - it needs to be demolished.

No tranquilizer gun. No zoo for rehabilitation. No forest up north.
Gone. Vanquished. Never to be seen again.
That's where it needs to be.
Let's hope that miracle happens, before it's hiberation time again.

eco session UPDATE

I got the Billy Bragg song, thanks to my rockin' professor who sent it to me.
Thanks you, Nik Heyen. My playlist is complete. :)

eco session

Who knew that as a student in Environmental Geography, I'd be given an idea for a new playlist.
Here is the list of tunes we listened to today, and my current playlist.

Eco Session

"Blowin' In The Wind" - Bob Dylan
"Man and His Environment" - Clarence "Gatemouth" Brown
"Mercy Mercy Me (The Ecology)" - Marvin Gaye
"Only So Much Oil In The Ground" - Tower of Power
"The Price of Oil" - Billy Bragg (I'm still attempting to locate this one)
"Dragonfly" - Ziggy Marley
"Gone" - Jack Johnson
"Excuse Me Mr." - Ben Harper
"Last Great American Whale" - Lou Reed

Definitely different than my usual taste, but I definitely dig. Makes for a fun school playlist.

the ONE campaign

Please check out The ONE campaign. You can visit the website below, or click on the title of this post to take you there. This is a campaign put together to bring an end to poverty. I am still in the early stages of learning and getting involved... I finally realized that action, no matter how small, is better than no action. I hope you're able to take a few seconds to visit this site. Watch the video, read a little bit of information, and if you feel so moved, sign the petition or buy a wristband or do both.
Thanks for listening.

www.one.org

millions

Check out the trailer for this movie (click on the title of the entry). It's such a great movie. I would recommend it to anyone. I'll write a lengthier review sometime soon, but for now, check out the trailer and GO SEE IT! It's so great.

seasons

I just wrote my first review for Relevant. It was a review of the self titled CD by a band called The Bravery. It's sort of a reinvention or ressurrection of new wave music. They sound a little like The Killers. Anyway, I started out the review, "To everything there is a season..." And I feel like that is so true right now. I feel like seasons are such a common thing, and I'm still trying to adjust to their existence.

Spring just arrived. We've only recently started to have warm breezes, cooling thunderstorms, and yes, ladybugs. It seems like ladybugs are a sure sign of warm weather. As spring has approached, drawing winter to an end, so have other things drawn to an end.

For those of you who don't know, I have decided to leave the church that I have attended just shy of 5 years. This was a difficult decision, and for those of you who would like to know why, feel free to email me or give me a call and we can talk about it. But I feel as though it is another season, like winter, that has come to an end. I was talking about with a friend of mine yesterday, and we were describing that it felt like we were graduating from high school, and all about to head in different directions. That's a pretty good description, because it's pretty close to how I feel. But while there is some pain behind this movement, there is also an excitement. While it's the end of one chapter, it's the beginning of another. I know, I know... Total cliche crap. But hey, it's true.

Another season I feel is changing is my transition from being a kid into adulthood. Granted, this probably should have happened a long time ago, but when I turned 25 last weekend, I really began to feel like, "Wow, I'm a full fledged adult." I had so many plans for where I would be when I was 25. When I was 18, I was sure I'd be married, have either a career or a kid, and be well on my way in life. Right now, I'm a college student who still lives at home, single, and no clue what she wants to do with the rest of her life. However, I feel all of that about to change. I don't know why. I don't know how I got this feeling, what I'm going to do with it, or where it will lead me, but I feel like "direction" is just around the corner, and I'm about to hit it head on. Let's hope that's the case.

So a few seasons are coming to a close and just about to start. It'll be interesting to see what season comes next.

anniversary

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Michelle Wimter's death.
I think about that family quite often, and wonder how one processes such an event, and attempts to move on. I know that they have. I know they're a strong family. I know they have things to look forward to and celebrate in their family. But I also know it must still feel fresh for them too, and I know they're a tight family and so I'm sure they feel it every day.
I love them lots. I don't always show it to them, and let them know they mean a lot to me, but they do.
I will continue to think about them and pray for them as they enter their second year without Michelle.

culture envy

I never really fully fit into the world of art. That "artsy" side of me has always been there, and I'd like to consider myself creative, but I've never been able to say "I'm an artist." When I was at Judson, I can remember there being times where I strongly desired to be just like the art majors surrounding me. However, I just didn't find the appeal in Vampire Hunter D, or other such japanese animation, my interest in comic books was lacking, and I was quite positive I didn't dig Buffy. Art culture #1 I didn't belong to.

I have a friend who's a graffiti artist - or rather, was a graffiti artist. He's a skater, has the dread thing going on, and has who knows how many tatoos. He's one of my favorite people. But in my khaki's, button down shirt, and bobbed hair, I don't exactly fit into to the "skater" realm either. Granted, I made a valiant attempt to learn how to skateboard (and might I say, I wasn't THAT bad), but that's definitely a world that is not my own.

Then there's the political activist artists.
The top notch, sophisticated, corporate bound graphic designers.
The "I'm angry with the world" artists.
The people who have hands that are permanently clay-caked.
The reclusives.
The rebels.

If you step out of the world of physical visual art (fine art/graphic design) and consider the film and music realm, it's the same thing. If you don't know everything there is to know about film or music, don't even try to pretend like you do. They'll see right through you, and mention something so completely obscure that even the originator is hazey as to its existence.

I feel like I can grab from each of these categories, compiling some form of "mut" artist, who's skill is lacking but passion is there. I love art. I love to be creative. I have millions of ideas in my head with no satisfactory way of expressing them.
But I'm not an artist. I can't keep up in conversation with an artist. And I don't fit into their culture... at least, not entirely.
But I so desire to be a part it.
I guess you could say I have a bit of culture envy.

storms

Laying on my back in my shadowed room, I looked past my silhouetted feet which were propped in my half-opened window, to watch the storm emerge outside. Brief moments of illumination revealed my quiet and still neighborhood. There's something so comforting in the sounds of storms - the rain rattling on the roof, the slight buzzing of the dampened power lines, the low rumbling in the distance... All these sounds, which independently would not be as beautiful, slip through my window with great ease. I absolutely love storms. I could sit for hours and just soak it all in. I remember a few years ago, how I would play in the rain. My roommates and I - no inhibitions, no cares at all - would take off, full force and just run through the rain. I can honestly say, those nights were some of my favorites. Nothing mattered. It was as if the rain had some sort of magic, some sort of shield to anyone and anything that might interfer with our night of rain dancing. I miss those days. But for now, I'll simply enjoy the beginning of spring nights, which only promise more storms to come.

ben, nik, jon & james...

and the soundtrack of life. That was the FULL title of my blog, but it didn't all fit on the subject line.

Ben. He's my Film & Literature professor. His 5 year old daughter has spring break this week so he brought her to class. Mya. He kept smiling and winking at her. He introduced her to the class. He helped her get a drink from the water fountain, and walked hand in hand with her down the hall. If I thought he was cool before, this just solidified it for me.

Nik. He's my environmental geography professor. Even on the first day of class, he impressed me with his humor. I'm a sucker for humor. I love the fact that while he has a very definite stance on issues (he's a tree hugger, for sure), he presents both cases, and gives viable reasons for each side of the story. He never forces his beliefs on anyone, and likes to ask questions, leaving things unanswered... And every now and then, he'll point at some poor victim, say, "Yes... You!" in hopes they'll give him an answer, even though they weren't raising their hand. Hasn't worked yet.

Jon. What a nutty professor. He's always a bit discombobulated when he comes to class. Always has his iPod going - I wonder what he listens to? But he's kind of a crazy guy... He's my civil disobedience professor, and is SUPER creative in his assignments. We wrote an intellectual dialogues paper in which I wrote a conversation between MLK Jr., Gandhi, and Thoreau. We created "protest posters" and our final project is actually generating a protest campaign. Way to make things interesting, ProfK! He's cool.

James. They don't get any more interesting than James. He's gotta have a millions stories. I'm serious... This guy has probably seen so many things in his lifetime. Fitzgerald and Hemmingway is what he teaches, and he's in total awe of these writers. He's a writer himself - short fiction I think. But when was the last time you got to visit your local Harry W. Schwartz, listen to a guy who's in his early sixties, wearing a red flannel shirt and a pair of jeans, reading Jack Kerouac's "On The Road" while his buddy amazes everyone on the saxaphone? I like James... He's make a cool grandfather.

The soundtrack of life... I had a weird moment today. I was walking on campus with my iPod plugged into my ears. Now, I listen to music all the time, but this was different. As I walked around on campus, songs would come on and I felt as though I had a soundtrack. Have you ever had those moments that you thought, "This song would be perfect to be playing in that background." Well, that's what happened today, and I wasn't even trying! It was kind of creepy actually... I'd be walking around thinking about something and a song would come on that related. I was journaling at one point too, when another song came on that was perfectly fitting. CREEPY. But slick none the less...

Good profs. Good music.
These were the thoughts of the day.

relevant

Just thought I'd let you all know that I got a writing internship with Relevant Magazine. I'm pretty stoked about it. I start April 1st, so I can't really tell you how it's going yet. But it looks as though I'll be working on the "Progressive Culture" section, and doing a fair amount of editing, some writing, and interviewing (who, I'm not sure).
So that's pretty cool... I'm excited. You can check out the website at www.relevantmagazine.com. They will be launching a new website in a little less than two weeks, and will also have new merch available as of March 25. So check it out. I'll keep you posted as I learn more.

Later.

missed

I didn't know her. I don't have to know her, I guess. I've learned a lot from those who DID know her, and are now battling their sense of loss, missing her. They're expressing her kindness, her love for people, her love for God... I didn't know her. But do I need to know her? She was a sister in Christ, whether I knew her or not, and today I join the many others in mourning her loss: her family and friends, my brother and sister in law, the band who lead worship at a conference I was at, and one of my brother's closest friends - a best friend of this girl. I can't pretend that my mourning is the same. It's not. I have no idea the pain and hurt they are experiencing right now. But I mourn the loss of another young person who felt they had no other option. I mourn for her family, her fiancee, and her friends who now have to do life without her. I didn't know her, but I feel like I did. Everytime I walk past my friends who have a huge smiles on their faces, but have so much pain inside... Everytime I see a friend of mine, journaling their inner most thoughts... Everytime I ask the question, "Is life worth living?" I didn't know her... but I'm sure she will be missed. May God bless Laurie's friends and family. You will all be in my prayers.

leland

Do you ever have those moments, those times in life that meet you where you're at, and speak volumes to you without even expecting it, or knowing how to react towards it? That is kind fo what happened to me this evening. I just finished watching "The United States of Leland" and I can't even put into words how the movie made me feel. This movie is so sad - in an "American Beauty" sort of way, yet for whatever reason, I resonated with it so much. I wish I could describe it to you, but the words just won't come. If you have a tolerance for language, I would highly recommend watching it. However, if you're in a funk, it probably won't squelch that funk but rather encourage it. If you do end up watching it, let me know... I'd love someone else to process it with.

checkers

she peered down at the pieces before her. red. black. round.
they each had their place.
some had already been eliminated, having exited the game earlier.
they were jumped.
robbed of their opportunity to succeed.
but that's how the game's played, isn't it?
she continued to stare at the pieces.
some of them crowned.
those were the pieces that knew what they were doing.
going somewhere. becoming something.
kings.
others hid in the corners of the board
unsure of their next move, and unable to be jumped.
cowards.
she looked at the pieces in the middle of the board.
plenty of potential, and no protection.
they were out there, exposed
but at least they were playing the game
they were moving forward
there was a goal ahead of them
they were determined
fearless
everything had its place.
then, the board was flipped.
he took his right foot, raised it quickly,
and kicked the board.
bastard.
the pieces scattered.
some hit the floor
some rolled away, never to be found.
the pieces no longer had their place
those that had become kings lost their status
joining the rest of the low-lives on the floor
the game was over
pieces scattered
and a new game would have to begin
as soon as she picked up the pieces.