words

Words.

We use them every day. We use them in conversations and in emails. We see them everyday on billboards, in memos, and in the fine print of a document. There are words that are simple and common. There are words that are more obscure and are rarely used. But no matter what words are used, there’s no denying that words abound.

I’m reminded of a David Crowder song that goes, “I need words, as wide as sky. I need a language large as this longing in side. And I need a voice, bigger than mine. I need a song to sing you, that I’ve yet to find. I need words…” Every day we use words to convey what we are feeling, thinking, and wondering about. And yet often times, we find ourselves lacking the right words and using words that might not be the most beneficial or accurate. We desire to express ourselves correctly, but so often find our own voices inadequate.

The interesting thing to me in all of this what kind of weight words can carry. The more I journey through life and the more I discover about myself, the more I realized how much weight words carry with me. At times, I think of it as a positive thing. I love literature, I love to write, and I love to express words of encouragement to others. And of course, I always enjoy a good game of Scrabble! However, I’m realizing that my attachment to words also goes the other way; that words – or lack thereof - can be unbearably painful.

Over the past year or so, I’ve learned a few things about how hurtful words. First, I’ve realized just how easily I allow words to bruise and even scar my soul. One of my strongest love languages – one of the greatest ways I feel loved – is through words of affirmation. Therefore, it would only make sense that it could go pretty strongly in the opposite direction. While words of encouragement make me feel incredibly loved and lifted up, harsh words of disapproval, anger, or mistrust can strike just as deep. People often tell me, “Tory, you’ve got to let these words just roll off your back.” The interesting thing is, a lot of people will tell you they believe strongly in the idea of love languages – that there are certain ways we feel more loved. Couldn’t there exist the opposite though – a certain way we feel unloved? Isn’t that just as valid?

The second thing that I’ve learned is that my words are just as hurtful. So often, it’s easy for me to get stuck in a rut where all I can see are my own bruises and scars, and not the ones I have inflicted on other people. Being a lover of words has it’s curse too – you always have just the perfect negative word that will cause the most amount of damage right on the tip of your tongue. I am no stranger to this behavior. There have been times in the course of my 27-year journey where I very easily could have chosen to keep my mouth closed or used words with a little more grace. Unfortunately, my tongue doesn’t always match up with my brain, and I have inflicted my fair share of wounds. Maybe that’s what causes my own wounds to hurt a little more… knowing that at some point in time, I have been the cause of someone else’s pain.

The third thing I’m learning is probably the one that’s been most difficult for me to swallow, and that is how too many words or the lack of words can affect a person. I was talking with a friend the other night, and we were talking about belief. I told her that you cannot force yourself to believe something, but that if you hear it enough and it is constantly reinforced, the likelihood of believing it becomes much greater. For instance, take belief in God. If I don’t believe in God – if it just doesn’t make sense to me, and I can’t make that leap of faith to believe he actually exists, my forcing myself to believe that isn’t really going to get me anywhere. However, if those around me continue to express their belief in God, keep sharing stories with me about how he is working in their lives, and continually tell me about his amazing character, sooner or later, I’ll begin to question my belief more and more. I’m not saying it is a deal maker – I’m not saying that just because I am consistently being fed with words about God that I will 100% for sure come to believe in him. But I do believe that words have the ability to sway us one way or the other. Therefore, I’m realizing what the lack of words can do as well. When I don’t consistently encourage those around me, when I don’t tell people how much I love them, when I don’t make my concerns known, when I don’t speak out against injustice, when I am silent and I should be screaming… this can be just as hurtful as if I had said a thousand terrible words to them.

What I’m finding is just how much weight words can carry. They are not to be taken lightly and should not be used without serious consideration. I find it interesting how often the Bible talks about the use of our tongue. It’s CRAZY. Check out Proverbs, it’s all over the place. And James… whew! Some serious stuff in there. And our tongues are directly connected to words. I am ashamed by my tongue as of late, and am seriously challenged to take a look at how I use it.

It’s such a delicate thing – using words properly. I definitely have not mastered the art of when to speak and when to stay silent. Growth and wisdom are definitely needed. And I can only hope to eventually heal more wounds than I inflict.

(picture found on website for Massachusetts Institute for Technology)