wait

Dear God,

I've got a bone to pick with you. Ok, maybe not a bone to pick, but I definitely have a question for you. What's the scoop behind this idea of "waiting"? I realize that supposedly, waiting brings growth. That in moments of "wait" we learn a lot about ourselves and about you. It is often times in those moments that we have the ability to gain perspective. However, it is also in those moments that we can become disheartened, weakened, hopeless and faithless. Often times, if the period of "wait" lasts too long, we lose steam. I think about David in the Psalms where it says, "I waited patiently for the Lord, he inclined and heard my cry..." David waited patiently, and you responded. But what about those times where we wait, and wait, and wait... to a point where we think you may not respond? What does a person do when it seems like all they ever do is "wait"? What do I do if I can't wait any longer?

I've had numerous conversations with friends lately about how hard it is to wait - whether it be waiting on a job opportunity, to move into a house, to get married, to find a church, or fill the blank with a plethora of statements. Waiting seems to happen all over the place. We wait to see the doctor. We wait to get healthy. We wait for our tax return to come. We wait to see how a relationship pans out. We wait to feel filled up, renewed, and restored.

But what does a person do when the waiting seems endless - when there doesn't seem to be an end point anywhere on the horizon? What happens when one's life seems to revolve around waiting? How long can one be expected to wait before caving in?

As I said, I don't really have a bone to pick with you. I realize why this concept exists. I understand it's purpose, it's influence, it's challenging nature in order to create something beautiful and good. It builds character. It teaches patience. It helps us to demonstrate faith.

But what if I struggle to wait, and really, am not ok with waiting? Does that mean that I then have lost my faith? Am I no longer considered patient? Am I refusing to have my character strengthened?

Are you frustrated with me when I can't wait? Do you understand why I don't want to wait? Do you know that I while I DO trust you with my life, I don't always understand why you keep certain bits of knowledge from me?

Please know that I love you, and that these are just some of the thoughts that are on my heart. I wish I was ok with waiting. I wish I could be ok not knowing what's going to happen with certain situations in my life.

But, I hate waiting.

I just thought I'd let you know.


(image from www.explodingdog.com)