The UW Milwaukee Union has become my own mid-day place of refuge. The chalk walls, plastic tables, and muted tile floors don’t really offer what I would consider paradise, but during a day filled with fluorescent lights and cinder block walls, the hang-out hub with the hustle and bustle of hungry students, sunlight shining in through large picture windows, and room to spread out is warmly welcomed. And this is the place I seek during my forty-five minute relief period – otherwise known as lunchtime. I have to say that those forty-five minutes are probably the most protected minutes of my day. I typically nab a table off to the side or tucked away in the corner, take some time to myself, plug in the headphones, eat my lunch and gear up for the second part of my day. This past Thursday, however, provided a different set of circumstances.
As usual, I was sitting at a table enjoying some Blue Bunny yogurt and reading Genesis for my Hebrew Lit class, when I saw a woman enter the Union. I saw her approach a student about fifteen feet in front of me. Due to my coveted “alone-study-lunch” time, as well as a slight fear of strange interaction, I slid my headphones on, hoping to avoid an approach. The woman wandered over to my table completely oblivious to the fact that I had headphones on and was “reading,” and began talking to me. She waited a moment for me to take off my headphones, and then continued with her speech. She held out something for me to read, but due to the awkward angle she had positioned, I couldn’t read what it said. She also had very quiet and muffled speech, and I could only make out every other word. I had no idea what she was trying to convey. Slightly embarrassed by my lack of listening skills and the fact that I was absolutely clueless as to what she was telling me, my brain refused asking her to repeat what she said, fearing it might frustrate her, but more so, embarrass me. Therefore, I simply said, “I’m not interested.”
“I’m not interested.” Probably the worst three words I could have uttered. Even if she was selling something – which I’m sure she wasn’t – I’m not sure why my brain decided those three words would create the best response. No matter what her cause, or what she was hoping for, I can’t believe I responded to her with such a reckless remark. How hurtful to say “I’m not interested” in someone – no matter what it is they wanted me to be interested in.
Imagine if Jesus had said to those who sought healing, “I’m not interested” or when asked the greatest commandment, he’d said “I’m not interested” or to any interaction for that matter. What if when Christ had learned what God’s plan for him was, he’d simply said, “I’m not interested.”
I am in no way comparing myself to what Christ did on the cross, but I was designed to be his image bearer. The only thing I reflected on that day was a cowardly girl who was too scared to simply say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that. Would you mind telling me again?” I know to some extent, there is a line between naivety and being smart about situations. I cannot say “I’m interested” in everyone and everything. But I felt as if I brushed off God’s creation, that I ignored a fellow neighbor – the very neighbor Christ has shown me how to love.
I wish I had a happy ending to my story. I wish I could say I rectified the situation, sought out the woman, and had hours of amazing conversation with her, but that didn’t happen. I don’t have that shiny red bow to put on top of my story. I packed up my books, finished my lunch, tucked my iPod back in my bag, and headed to film class. However, those three words – “I’m not interested” – stuck with me the rest of the day. It made me realize that I treated her like a sales pitch, not a sister. It challenged my love level – how much do I really love people? How do I express that? Do I express something else?
I can’t take it back. And I’m sure it had a more profound effect on me that day than it did the woman I interacted with. I’m sure she’s probably completely forgotten our interaction by now. Maybe not. But I had the opportunity to create a lasting impression – an interaction that could have stuck out amidst all the other negative ones. I can only pray that I will remember that woman and our interaction, and when presented with another situation, I can genuinely say “Yes, I’m interested,” giving them the love and attention they deserve…
(photo found here)
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