Have you ever found yourself so overwhelmed by something you find yourself running from it? A thought, an idea, a situation so big and consuming, you were afraid it might swallow you whole? Something, that if you let Him, God might just place you directly in the center of? Have you ever been so taken by something, yet wanting to do nothing about it because of the emotional energy it would require?
I find myself in this spot. I do not want to talk about it in depth at this point in time, but I have found myself in recent days to be numbing my mind, filling it with meaningless ponderings so that I don't have to think about this one thing that if I stop even for a brief moment and consider it's greatness, I am unable to hold back tears. I find myself not wanting to face it, not wanting to admit it, not wanting to look it in the eye but rather run the other direction hiding my head in the sand like a fear stricken ostrich.
Sometimes I think this fear will get the best of me. Sometimes I think I will miss great opportunities because of it. Sometimes I think that if I were only stronger, if only I were able to push myself, I might be able to learn so much. There are some things I can push past, some things I can force myself to do despite my fear... Why is it, I cannot do this one thing.
I'm not sure how I will get there... but I know it's worth getting to.
2 comments:
I hate to sound rude, but that just sounded too dramatic. I don't believe you are really having these feelings. In my expert opinion, you started typing and couldn't stop and you just kept building the drama until you went overboard with it.
I'm not entirely too sure who you are or how you found my blog, since you posted anonymously. I'm not going to try to defend the way I felt, or do feel. I'm not entirely sure what your "expert" opinion was attempting to accomplish, but this blog is a place to express my thoughts and feelings - dramatic or not. It is a way for me to honest, sometimes creative, but above all, to be an expression - no matter what that expression may be.
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