michelle

I went to a screening the other night at the Oriental Theater. It was for an HBO documentary called "Last Letters Home". The short film was about 8 different fallen soldiers in Iraq - their story, their families, and their last letters home. As I sat their watching the first soldier they highlighted, all these feelings from last April came rushing back. Michelle Witmer, the younger sister of Rachel Witmer (who has been a good friend of mine since we were 13), was shot while doing a security round in Iraq last spring. She was 20. And this movie was highlighting her, a fallen soldier, who died serving her country.

Back in April, it all seemed so surreal. I remember sitting across the table from Rachel at a restuarant telling her that I remember when I was little thinking "We'll never have to deal with war." Then the Gulf War came. I don't remember having strong feelings about it, but I think that was due to the fact that I was pretty young, and didn't know anyone personally involved. But then, this war came along. Rachel was enlisted as a reservist. So were her two younger twin sisters Charity and Michelle. Rachel and Michelle were the first to be deployed, and then Charity. All three were home at Christmas on a short leave. I can remember running into Michelle at Starbucks, throwing my arms around her and telling her how good it was to see her and have her home for a little bit. Two weeks later, they were to go back to Iraq. I had no idea, that Christmas, was the last time I would ever talk to Michelle.

Throughout the spring and summer, I had tried to process what had happened. The first few weeks were tough, and I found myself being VERY close to the Witmers, and wanting to be around them. As time went by, it got harder to deal with, and I found myself retreating - which I'm so sad happened. That's when they needed people the most. As the summer continued on, and the election got closer and closer, more and more talk brewed about regarding the war. People hated Bush because of it - cursing him for sending our troops in there. What good does that do? They would have cursed him either way...
As I entered the UWM campus this fall, "Vote for Nader" was everywhere from day one, all about the anti-war movement. I began to think long and hard about the war. How did I feel about it? Did I agree with it? Did I think Bush was to blame? And the other night, watching this movie where they walked through the lives of these 8 men and women, I realized something. I never said thank you...I know that I won't get to say it to Michelle in person, nor will I get to say it really any other soldiers, but honestly - whether you're for or against the war, we are seriously in such debt to these men and women who have served their country in order to help fight for our freedom. There are a lot of people out there who say this war is not about our freedom. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. All I know is that there are families who are now fatherless, motherless, sisterless, brotherless, etc because they were selfless enough to say, "There is a cause that I am needed for that is beyond me and is for the good of my people." They stepped out - whether they agreed with it or not - and offered to lay down their life so that we could live more comfortably. And for that, I cannot even begin to express my gratitude.

As I left the Oriental Theater, I had a huge amount of saddness in my heart. MIchelle was gone at the age of 20, when she could have had so much more to live. But then, I thought about Michelle. I thought about how she wanted nothing more than to make a difference. She wanted to serve people and impact their lives, and that's exactly what she did - she died doing it. It made me smile to think about the fact that she wouldn't want us to feel sorry for her, or feel sorrow. But it also made me think, "What in my life am I pursuing or doing that I would be proud to die doing..." It was definitely a question that I pondered all night, and have yet to agree on an answer.

I know this is a little heavy, and I know it's a little bit of a view into my thoughts...but I really wanted to write about it. I haven't written much anywhere about my feelings/thoughts on Michelle, war, and everything that's been going on. To be honest, I had stuffed it down pretty deep because it was pretty crazy to think about. But I cannot tell you how grateful I am for the sacrifice Michelle and the Witmer family made, and I hope I never forget it.

Thank you Michelle...