links

ok, so I'm not smart enough to know how to post links in the body of my entry, so you'll have to bear with me and go old school - you'll have to copy and paste these links into your URL window. Sorry gang... I know, I know... All this technology at our fingertips, and Tory can't figure out how to work links... DEAL WITH IT! hehehe... Just kidding.

But there are a few links I think you should check out. Some are serious, some are just down right fun! Hehehe...
The first one I'd like to draw your attention to is on the Moby website. It is here:

http://www.moby-online.com/index2.html

This is Moby's online journal. He has a really interesting post on November 5th - entitled "Christian Values". It's interesting because it's things that AS a Christian, I thought about during the voting season. Do I agree with him? Not entirely. But it's definitely good to hear how a non-christian views Christ and his ministry, without necessarily following it. Definitely an
interesting read... Check it out. (Chris, I'm sure you'll have a field day with it!)

P.S. on Moby - he has a new CD coming out entitled "Hotel". My brother gave me the heads up on that one, which is how I found the online journal entry above.

Strindberg & Helium... My friend Aaron (or one of his friends) posted this on their website. I've shown a couple of it to you already, but it's so lame, it's funny. I crack up at it every time I watch it. And I can't help but want to do the Helium voice every so often. They are just a few crazy cartoons... Check it out:

http://www.strindbergandhelium.com

I'm not going to really say anything about the next one. I got it off the same site as the Strindberg & Helium (c2ak providing left and right!) But it's a really fun commerical!

http://uk.download.yahoo.com/ne/fu/oa/eurcncs185030.mpg

And also, if you haven't checked out U2's new CD - go to www.u2.com, or http://u2m.u2exit.com (an unofficial U2 site I believe) and check out the CD, video clips, and sound bites... Good U2 stuff EVERYWHERE! YAY!

Ok, that's all for now. Maybe I'll post something more deep and thought provoking later...Hehehe...

how to dismantle and other things

Happy post Thanksgiving one and all...

I hope that turkey day found you all full and thankful.

I thought I'd post a few things... Not a whole lot rattling around the old brain today, but just a few things to share. First of all, I need to put in another shameless plug for the U2 album "How To Dismantle The Atomic Bomb". It is such a great album. Whether you're a life long fan of U2, have just gotten into them recently, or had given up on them after Zooropa, check this album out. It's great! You can even "preview" all of the songs on iTunes, and I believe they have it streaming at U2.com.

"The Polar Express" - such a great flick. I know I touched on it briefly in an earlier post, but seriously peeps, go see it. I know, I know, the animation looks a little creepy. It really does at times. But it's SO much fun, and it'll totally put you in the Christmas spirit. It's so great. Tom Hanks does an excellent job providing the voice, as well as the facial expressions for the multitude of characters he plays. I've also heard they're playing it at Navy Pier in 3-D. It's supposed to be freakin' amazing. So if anything - go see it there!

I still have yet to see the Incredibles... Saddness.

Christmas in the Ward is this Friday night - EXCITEMENT EXCITEMENT!

I was thinking about how much I HAVEN'T read. I am looking at a huge bookshelf in my room of a whole mess of books I haven't read, and thinking how sad that is. All that information at my figertips, and there it sits collecting dust. So here's my new plan. I want to read one book a month. I know, I know - some of you can do a book in a day. I'm a slow reader, so cut me some slack. A book a month is HUGE for me. I hardly ever read books for fun anymore. But now is my chance. I believe I'm going to try to make this my new goal. I'm not sure what book to start with though - I have so many. Ok my friends, I believe I'm going to start with The Ragamuffin Gospel. I started it a while back, and never finished it. That, or "The Magicians Nephew" by C.S. Lewis. So, check in with me in a month and see if I've finished. Should be sometime right around Christmas I'm thinking. Hopefully I can stick with it.

Ok one and all... Off to do some fun "Saturday" type things - you know, like cleaning, homework, napping... All the important stuff! I'll write more in the coming days, but in the mean time, have a blessed Saturday afternoon!

take two

ok, let's hope this one is better...

there's no real way to check it unless I take it myself

maybe I'll do that. but check it out, and take my quiz!

quiz time!

My friend Chris created a quiz about himself, and had me take it...

So I created one of my own! Go check it out... Some of the questions are kind of fun!

*UPDATE ON QUIZ*
Sorry to the two people who took it. I do INDEED have one sibling. I don't know how I marked the wrong answer! (Sorry Kelly - I love you!) So, I will be creating a new quiz a little later today - one with all correct answers. However, now I have to think of new questions! Sorry to Katy & Chris who already took it... but now you can take a new one! :)

If you still want to take the old one though, feel free. The title of my post is the link. (Roll your mouse over the title and click it).

am i singing?

Though my young adult gathering tonight ended with the question "What song are you singing?" the question posed in the title of this entry was the one that stuck out in my head. I left the night asking myself not "What song am I singing?" but more basically, "Am I singing?"

The answer I came to was no. I'm not singing. Sure, I have random songs stuck in my head every now and then. I couldn't get "Fall to Pieces" by Velvet Revolver out of my head for the LONGEST time. But this is NOT what I'm referring to. We talked about how we were created to sing God's song... My question is am I singing a song at all? And I don't think that I am. I feel as though it's just noise - a clanging symbol. Typically I leave those kinds of messages feeling like crap...I've failed in one more area - what next? That is my typcial thought. However, this concept of singing "God's Song" resonated with me, and got me really excited. It made me really excited to find it! I know, I know... If I have a personal relationship with God, I should know the song already, right? Well, I'm not sure it's that easy, my friends... I somehow don't think there's just ONE song. I think we can have different songs for different stages in our lives. However, I know that there is one theme to all the songs, and that is that God TOTALLY deserves the glory, and deserves to be proclaimed. Now, I just gotta find a good tune! :)

In the mean time, I leave you with some lyrics from Jeremy Camp's new CD. Have you picked up on my lyric kick lately? Well, anyway...Check it out. It's so good. So simple, so profound.

You wanna be real, you wanna be emptied inside,
You wanna be someone, laying down your pride,
You wanna be someone someday,
Lay it all down before the King

You wanna be whole, you wanna have purpose inside
You wanna have virtue, to purify your mind
You wanna be set free today
Lay it all down before the King

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by You

You wanna be real, you want to be emptied inside
And I know my heart is to feel You near
And I know my life is to do Your will

This is my desire, this is my return
This is my desire to be used by You

miracle drug

"I wanna trip inside your head
Spend the day there
To hear the things you haven't said
And see what you might say
I wanna hear you when you call
Do you feel anything at all
I want to see your thoughts take shape and
Walk right out"

These are some of the lyrics from the song "Miracle Drug" off the new U2 album "How To Dismantle the Atomic Bomb" due out on Tuesday (go buy it!). This song is absolutely beautiful. I love it. And these songs... I can't tell you how much this song is mine right now...I love it.

christmas in the ward

ok one and all...my favorite time of the year is quickly approaching.

I just went to see Polar Expedition last night. I may have to incorporate a third entry for the day to give you my review, but we'll see. Anyway, watching Polar Express totally put in my the mood for Christmas. I absolutely love this time of year. I know that as a Christian, it is supposed to be all about Jesus' birth. And don't get me wrong - the true meaning of Christmas is indeed so close and dear to my heart. I don't want to discount that. But I do love the commercial version of Christmas as well. I love the lights, the decorations, the music... Call me a sucker for "romantic settings" but shoo dang - it is indeed! And it's so beautiful. I love to walk down the streets at night - especially in the city - all the trees lit up and decorated, with carollers strolling about, handing out warm cups of cider, and fireworks going off in the back ground...

Fireworks?

YUP! That's what I said... HOW UNBELIEVABLY AMAZING that my two favorite times of year (Christmas and Fourth of July) will be combined together in one event this year. I absolutely adore fireworks, and this year at Christmas in the Ward (that would be Milwaukee's Historic Third Ward - not the hospital ward you all probably think I should belong to at this point) is going to have a fireworks display. ROCK THE CASBAH! I'm so excited!

So, for those of you my fellow readers (I think that may amount to three of you), I would like to say you're more than welcome to join the Christmas fun! Even if you're not from around here... There is a group from Grace Church in Racine that will be coming up, and I think we're going to get a group of young adults from the Gathering at Ridgewood and it should be loads of fun! It's Friday, December 3rd (shoo, I'll be missing a night of Res Fest - I still hope I can go on Saturday!) and it starts at 5pm. All the art galleries will be open, there will be a tree lighting ceremony, fireworks, carriage rides (I've ALWAYS wanted to go on one!) carolling, bakes sales, all sorts of goodies...

If you are interested, let me know... Otherwise, check out the link that is attached to the title of this entry.
Should be a good time.
I LOVE CHRISTMAS!

fake plastic trees

The green plastic watering can
For a fake Chinese rubber plant
In fake plastic earth

That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself

It wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns

He used to do surgery
For girls in the 80's
But gravity always wins

It wears him out, it wears him out
It wears him out, it wears...

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love

But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I could just turn and run

And it wears me out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out

And if I could be, who you wanted
If I could be, who you wanted
All the time

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I found part of this song written in my journal a while back, and I forgot how much I absolutely love this song. The song is such a great song sonically and Thom Yorke has such a haunting voice. But the lyrics are great as well...

The lyrics that I have written in my journal are "She looks like the real thing, she tastes like the real thing...my fake plastic love". I wrote these down at time when I was struggling with self worth/image. And I know this may sound weird, but this song was so great to listen to at that point in time... I mean, it's talking about all these things (which may outwardly be appealing - "used to do surgery, for girls in the 80s") as being fake and plastic, and yet they're not fulfilling ("but gravity always wins")... In fact, just the opposite. "It wears me out..." While I have yet to master this whole self worth thing, and I continue to struggle with it, it's encouraging to know that who I am is better than who anyone else would want me to be, you know? So I suppose this is a strange entry... I have just been in too many conversations with people lately and going through my own struggles with this issue as of late. Why is it that "fake plastic" is so much more appealing? Not only to be, but also to acquire? I mean, this trickles down into relationships, what we own (or want to own) what we expect, and friendships even... I had a conversation with a friend of mine the other day about surface level relationships, and how I struggle with them because they're so unnatural - fake & plastic. Why do we take part in this, when like as the song says, it wears us out. I personally think that if we were all a little more open and honest with one another, it may not be so wearisome. You wouldn't have to put forth all the effort to uphold the facade. You wouldn't have to spend all of your energy on trying to HAVE energy. I recognize the fact that this is so much easier said than done... I'm no where NEAR mastering this concept. But I have been challenged lately to let the people around me know what is going on in my head and my heart, and being ok with that.

Let me know if any of you have any tricks for getting the hang of this!

Oh, and I would just like to say thanks to Sarah M. for getting my brain on this kick - a girl who strives to be open and honest with most everyone she knows and meets. Thanks girl - you rock!

life in a fishbowl

current song: "Video" - Ben Folds Five

Life in a fishbowl. It was the thought that came to me as I sat here considering the events of the past week, and all of the things that are coming up. Life in a fishbowl, you ask? I'll explain...

There are two explanations really...Here's the first.

I had good friend ask my my thoughts on free will/destiny/fate - all that good stuff. They were wondering what my feeling were on how much God actually orchestrates in our lives, or what is really left up to us to decide. My friend Ben once told me a great explanation of his thoughts on this, and I would say that I tend to agree with it. I actually think it was his dad's analogy - props to Pastor Henry. But here's where the "life in fishbowl" thing comes in. We're in the world - a fishbowl if you will. We can swim wherever we want within the fishbowl. We can swim up towards the top of the bowl making little bubbles rise to the top, down towards the bottom of the bowl, scraping our little bellies on the gravel below, we can swim through the little rock tunnels, hide behind the fake plastic trees (ha! Radiohead reference!), or even chill out with the little scuba diver who's made a home in our fishbowl. We have plenty of options on where to swim - they almost seem endless. However, we ARE still within the confines of the fishbowl - we are still mortal, we can still die, and we do have the ability to create quite a bit of destruction. We are surrounded by a glass bowl which represents our limitations. We also have an owner...No fish lives in a fishbowl & survives with someone taking care of them. That "owner" may provide nourishment for the fish, it may clean out the tank everynow and then, or rearrange the scuba man from one side to the other. The "owner" may do it, and the fish is totally oblivious to it. Other times, it takes our complete removal from the fishbowl to take care of the fish. Again, this is pretty abstract, but it's helped me sort of gain handles on God's role regarding free will/fate type issues.

current song: "Different Situation" - Athaneum

The other idea I had behind "life in a fishbowl" isn't as abstract or deep. It was moreso like I felt like I was hitting the glass tank a lot lately. Have you ever felt that way? I seriously feel like a dunce lately...I feel like I'm swimming full force at the glass, and all looks clear - I'm not even AWARE the glass exists. So full force I head towards it and WHAP - smack into the glass. Have you ever seen a fish do that? It's kinda funny...I always snicker when I see it. But at the same time, the fish is somewhat dazed and confused for the moment. He was sure he had more clearance...only to be smacked in the face! I gotta stop swimming into the glass...

ending song "I Hope I Just Didn't Give Away The Ending" - New Radicals

Life in a fishbowl...A comforting, yet awakening thought...Maybe I'll just have to hang out with the scuba man for a while.
Goodnight, one and all.

michelle

I went to a screening the other night at the Oriental Theater. It was for an HBO documentary called "Last Letters Home". The short film was about 8 different fallen soldiers in Iraq - their story, their families, and their last letters home. As I sat their watching the first soldier they highlighted, all these feelings from last April came rushing back. Michelle Witmer, the younger sister of Rachel Witmer (who has been a good friend of mine since we were 13), was shot while doing a security round in Iraq last spring. She was 20. And this movie was highlighting her, a fallen soldier, who died serving her country.

Back in April, it all seemed so surreal. I remember sitting across the table from Rachel at a restuarant telling her that I remember when I was little thinking "We'll never have to deal with war." Then the Gulf War came. I don't remember having strong feelings about it, but I think that was due to the fact that I was pretty young, and didn't know anyone personally involved. But then, this war came along. Rachel was enlisted as a reservist. So were her two younger twin sisters Charity and Michelle. Rachel and Michelle were the first to be deployed, and then Charity. All three were home at Christmas on a short leave. I can remember running into Michelle at Starbucks, throwing my arms around her and telling her how good it was to see her and have her home for a little bit. Two weeks later, they were to go back to Iraq. I had no idea, that Christmas, was the last time I would ever talk to Michelle.

Throughout the spring and summer, I had tried to process what had happened. The first few weeks were tough, and I found myself being VERY close to the Witmers, and wanting to be around them. As time went by, it got harder to deal with, and I found myself retreating - which I'm so sad happened. That's when they needed people the most. As the summer continued on, and the election got closer and closer, more and more talk brewed about regarding the war. People hated Bush because of it - cursing him for sending our troops in there. What good does that do? They would have cursed him either way...
As I entered the UWM campus this fall, "Vote for Nader" was everywhere from day one, all about the anti-war movement. I began to think long and hard about the war. How did I feel about it? Did I agree with it? Did I think Bush was to blame? And the other night, watching this movie where they walked through the lives of these 8 men and women, I realized something. I never said thank you...I know that I won't get to say it to Michelle in person, nor will I get to say it really any other soldiers, but honestly - whether you're for or against the war, we are seriously in such debt to these men and women who have served their country in order to help fight for our freedom. There are a lot of people out there who say this war is not about our freedom. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. All I know is that there are families who are now fatherless, motherless, sisterless, brotherless, etc because they were selfless enough to say, "There is a cause that I am needed for that is beyond me and is for the good of my people." They stepped out - whether they agreed with it or not - and offered to lay down their life so that we could live more comfortably. And for that, I cannot even begin to express my gratitude.

As I left the Oriental Theater, I had a huge amount of saddness in my heart. MIchelle was gone at the age of 20, when she could have had so much more to live. But then, I thought about Michelle. I thought about how she wanted nothing more than to make a difference. She wanted to serve people and impact their lives, and that's exactly what she did - she died doing it. It made me smile to think about the fact that she wouldn't want us to feel sorry for her, or feel sorrow. But it also made me think, "What in my life am I pursuing or doing that I would be proud to die doing..." It was definitely a question that I pondered all night, and have yet to agree on an answer.

I know this is a little heavy, and I know it's a little bit of a view into my thoughts...but I really wanted to write about it. I haven't written much anywhere about my feelings/thoughts on Michelle, war, and everything that's been going on. To be honest, I had stuffed it down pretty deep because it was pretty crazy to think about. But I cannot tell you how grateful I am for the sacrifice Michelle and the Witmer family made, and I hope I never forget it.

Thank you Michelle...

elsewhere

I feel as though you must check this out. I was introduced to Kollaboration IV this summer at SEMP by my friend Aaron, and he just found another one by the same guy. This dude, David Elsewhere, is the most insane dancer I have ever seen. It's as if he has no bones or something...the dude can move like none else. If you roll over the title of this post, it's hyperlinked to Kollaboration IV. I'll get the link to the other one, and post it shortly...but for now check this one out! It's CRAZY!

Thanks to Aaron for the info/link on his website to David Elsewhere's second video...If you want to check out Aaron's website, he and his buddies post some cool links to different graphic design/photography sites, as well as other random tidbits and ramblings. It's fun... The address is www.c2ak.com

sigur ros & 10th grade poetry

Today was a Sigur Ros day...Just thought I'd let you know in case you didn't get the memo. Sigur Ros is an amazing, very mellow Icelandic band. If you've seen Vanilla Sky, some of their music is in that. I was driving home from school, a drown rat - cold and wet from having walked around campus in the rain, and I put Sigur Ros on my iPod and it just, well, fit. It was great. So I deemed today Sigur Ros day.

I also came across this poem that I wrote in 10th grade. It's obvious that I wrote in 10th grade (just sounds like a youngin' wrote it - I was like 15 I think), but I'm not sure I've written anything better since. That's kind of sad. And that isn't to say that it's "good", but it was the most honest thing I wrote at the time. And I thought that with the election being tomorrow, and everyone forcing their opinions on each other, it was kind of interesting that I came across it. So here goes:

The World Through His Window
And outsider,
One accused of accomplishing nothing, being nothing
Cast doubt on this so-called friend
Known to be a cruel and malevolent world
A place never known for peace
But rather prejudice and hate.
He knew it, lived it, dealt with it every day.
It was because God decided to use a different crayon
Than He had used on those around him
So now, the outsider used a different crayon,
One that showed his view of the world
And how he pictured himself.
He drew,
Drew the world the way it was meant to look
And he showed his picture.
The picture became the truth, it told the truth
But no one cared.
They kept drawing the world the way they wanted it to look
They dared not face reality
But the outsider drew,
Hoping they might one day see
The world through his window.